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Sunday, December 03, 2006

One Good Day

It had always been like this, one moment of happiness and one century of loneliness. This has been my dance for the last 21 years of my life. As I always have said, the story of my life. Hope, that’s required. I really need that every now and then. I really needed that before, when my life was just a piece of paper floating on the endless ocean, when I had no vision of tomorrow, no big plan for life, no friends to laugh with, and nobody to be with. I didn’t even know how to soliloquize. So, yes, I really needed hope back then.

Now, it’s not much different. I need hope as well. My life has spun pretty good for me lately. I have a job, a mediocre house I called home, a friend or two, and someone to laugh with everyday. It’s funny how the passive word ‘haha’ really make u beam and chuckle your tears out. I love how it feels to be not alone even when I am. I love the feeling that I have the ability conquer loneliness, the one which have been my nemesis this whole time.

Today is Saturday. Was Saturday. It was no good, but not so bad either. I had to work all day, but I still found a way to entertain myself, to cheer me up. I found it hard at most times, coz of my lack of optimism, or simply coz of the obnoxious boredom roaring inside of me every second. But I knew that I always have faith. Faith in her. Faith in me to have always believed in her. Faith to push away the lonesomeness and seal the damn door. The result was, I had a not so good day. Today was fine. She was in my head all the time. Oh, don’t let me start about her.

In a few hours it will be a Sunday. And this Sunday will be the last free day I have in the next three weeks. So yeah, I need the hope very much. Hope of having something exciting to do later. Hope of having some nice plans. Something I can expect with gleeful and jovial mood along the way.

And so it begins again. The syndrome. The pattern. The old-saying. The curse. Or whatever it is. It doesn’t change as long as I’m living my life. One day of happiness, and three weeks of sufferings are in order.

What will happen in a few weeks to come? Sometimes I’m scared just to think about it. My works will be under my nose every second. My friends will be nowhere I can reach as they were. And everything will be different once more. Change is good, but only when it brings comfort and joy. Not when it promises another chapter of solitude and aloneness.

In the end, it’s not my choice and struggle to decide which day is the so-called One Good Day for me. I won’t know. I can only predict when, and have myself prepared for whatever lies ahead. All I know that it must be so beautiful and unforgettable. And I will be memorizing it as one of my great days I have, or if it’s possible, the one best day of my life.

1 comment:

  1. actually, i do have same opinion with u in:-

    this, one moment of happiness and one century of loneliness

    Change is good, but only when it brings comfort and joy.

    i do feel the same way~~

    well, what we have to do is continue move on in life and keep on hoping!