Dismal Valents

Update : The long-promised picture. :P Finally I can post this and fulfill my promise.. xoxoxo

Do you believe in love?

I don’t. I mean, I don’t know yet. I know I used to. But I think I shall know by the end of tomorrow morning. Or by the end of tomorrow. See, tomorrow is what-you-may-call-as-a-special Valentine’s Day.

What’s the deal with this day anyway? The day of love? Caring? Affection that spreads around every corner of people’s life. I don’t see it sparkling with its beautiful wings of love, yet, I guess. On my previous posts, I may have held on hope on something special to happen tomorrow. I don’t know. I kinda hope it will go down as I had hoped, now. But I can’t stop thinking what “else” will happen on ‘me’ IF it’s not? I don’t know if you get what I mean by this, I hope you do. Actually, I hope you don’t. I don’t know, I’m very confused right now. I have been using a lot of I-don’t-knows in this very post. I don’t know. Let me take a time to think of other things to soliloquize about.

See, this is why I hate holidays in general. They make me think more and hope for more. And it’s kinda too much to ask. I’m just one person with no spectacular ability in fulfilling my own happiness. I just always hope for the best, believing that it will lead me to a satisfying outcome in which way I can stumble on some pieces of my heart and soul, solving the baffling “happiness” puzzle of my own.

And that was what I think a few minutes ago. I just received a new confirmation about what’s likely (or what’s unlikely) to happen to me tomorrow. And it’s not good. Looks like I don’t have to wait until tomorrow morning after all, the bad things always come strangely quick, unlike the good ones that appear to be “hiding” from me, I can only find “them” in a long period of time, like semi-monthly, monthly, or even annually. What’s wrong with me? Am I still as normal as a lonely guy who hopes on his own hopes? Or have I turned far worse?

I really hope that word twisting won’t bore me, coz that’s one of the little things left in me I can hang on to, besides few of my close friends who can’t really be there for me at all times, remembering I am unavailable at most times, and at those most times, I feel lonely the most, and that hurts the most.

The battle between me and loneliness is an endless war. A never-ending struggle is what it is. I have a small number of alliances I can use, I often use. They come in the form of love, hope, togetherness, and the most powerful tool of all, the combination of the three of them.

The power of LOVE should be at large in the time of Valentine’s Day. We should be able to use it to overcome loneliness in that whole one day. Because the more special the day gets, the more difficult it is to do that. The more wonderful the day gets, the stronger the force of loneliness becomes. Hence, great power and amount of love is required. But the trick is, love can backfire. Sometimes the greatest enemy of our own comes from our best friend. And if that case applies in a Valentine’s Day, hell will seem much a pleasant place to live.

It’s a reason why I don’t get my hopes too high on this one friend, Love. Especially today. But has it been too late? I had dismembered my own heart accidentally or not, I don’t care. Valentine’s Day is coming and I can only deal with the aftermath, of me.

Love is supposed to be a beautiful thing. Jacq said so. I used to say so. Everybody I know said so. Valentine’s Day should be a blast. Chocolates and gifts, surprise cards and secret admirers, dreamy dates and confession of the unspoken love. It should be FUN. What the hell is wrong with me?

Am I going to change my mind about this so-called day in the end of this post? That’s what I usually do, didn’t I? Always put a dramatic ending (of which I thought it was) in every post that I think was great enough to be published. Naaah, I don’t really care about it right now. As far as I go today, this post is about my point of view of this year’s Valentine’s Day. Thank you for wasting your precious time reading these long and overwhelming thoughts.

Someone may say that it’s not good to linger in the past. I beg to differ. If you have some happiness wrapped inside your memories, you can hang on to it, as a great way to feed yourself some of the happiness, to remember what it’s like back then. I think that’s what I do IF I have no happy hope in the near future. Trust me, it feels good. Not wrong, but good.

So, in that case, this soliloquy shall be packed also with my yesterday’s memories. Meeting some old friends always excites me, I have said. But if they are Jacq and the gang, then it’ll be felt ten times better! (See how I am praising you guys here…: P) Here I have some pictures which I stole from Jacq’s blog. Hehe.. I shall post them here also, because it won’t be right not to.

So all you guys, Happy (¿) Valentine’s Day! It has come, yet again.

[I shall post another pictures later. I have alot of them, just don't have the chance. ]

Valentine’s Day has come! It’s time for me (for us) to despise.