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Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Just To Be Close To You

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

This entry is inspired by the old song of Backstreet Boys. But it has more meaning than that. I write this because right now, in this moment, I'm feeling closer to one of my friends. I feel like I can share a lot of things with her. She's very kind and peaceful.

This entry is also written because I need to be closer with someone else. Someone who has abandoned me and as I abandoned her. There's perhaps no way for me to do that, but I know I will try.

This entry is at last written for a girl who makes me confused. I don't know if I can like you or not. I don't know as of this moment what my feelings for you may be, but I intend to find out, so I want to be closer to you right now. So we can get to know each other better before we make a decision.

Just to be close
Just to be close
Just to be close to you
It's all I wanna do.
Just to be close
So close
Just to be close...

Thursday, June 25, 2009


There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Confused, again. My head is being clouded by choices and consequences and I can not think straight. Should I ask her? Or should I wait? Why love is such a confusing matter to begin with. I just wanna be happy. Why things so simple can become so complicated? I just wanna be happy. Why is it so hard? Cloud. It's pretty no more.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Something Confusing

We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things got worse.

You know
, when it comes to the words "change" or "future", there are lots of possibilities one may act. One may look away and change the topic. One may get excited to indulge more in to the topic. One may silence himself at a sudden. And some may talk like the way they usually do without any awareness. I think I maybe fall in to the first and the third category.


But life hasn't turned out pretty well for me lately. Plans overthrown. Expectations tarnished. Hopes shredded apart. And Eagerness blown away. What have I done to arrive on this circumstance? Did I not try hard enough? I thought I tried hard.


But apparently it's not enough.

I plan to keep trying though. There are things in life we can't change no matter how hard we try.

I don't know what I say.

These days are hard for me.


Change is frightening. But it's what I'm desperately trying to accomplish. Why would I look for something so frightening? What's wrong with me? No wonder everything in this world seems out of place. The world is going insane. I am going insane.


Saturday, June 13, 2009

this is the post that's no fact no true no sense nothing

Nope.....u still ugly!
every once in a while there is one post you will find in this blog without punctuation and rules because in this moment i do not care but i just want to scream it out loud because every little bone and cell in my body wishes to find an explanation for all the things that have happened in my life that leads to this point of life where all things seem to diverge away from me and sideline every thing in my choice like an antigraviton which is as mysterious as the feelings of one girl itself but none in the world seems to aware of this kind of force because not all people in the world will get the effect of this thing as it ruin my life so badly that i am desperate to cling on anything i see around me like the people from the past i see every now and then they have succeeded in many many things i have not even to begin to think about yet and they all speed like the speed of light as every good thing travels faster than i do and i seem to see everything distorted and blurry and dissolved right in front of my fucking eyes then all i can do is to mope and wallow and drown in the self hating vessel of insecurities the place where all my friends and common sense tell me to stay away from but i just could not manage because i am always get sucked right back in and now i just want to jump off the bridge because nothing in this world seem sane to me as i am just too sick and tired to face all of it once again because even when i thought i have conquered it will come the things anew just to screw everything i have built and do not u care to comment this post because this is the one you should not read and i should have not written here because this is neither true nor false and it all just a frick imagination and i do not know what to do this is a dark time for me please tell me what to do but please do not tell me do not reply this do not comment this but i want to know because i am going crazy and i keep contradict myself and i just can not understand why why why why should this all be this way and i have no way to undo it please forgive this weak man and do not judge me for what i have done and will do next because you damn right i am desperate once again and i do not waant to think about tomorrow but it keeps slip right in to my head and i can not stand the thought of them together i just cant live with it IUBCWIBCIWCIWCUCNICEBCLQIBCCQCWIECBIBCIWBCBLWCLCWUCNCILNECKSFHLWWOEFHWHFLBCVSCBLABCSGCLWAHBCLWBCLWHCBLIWGECIFEHUHFWOEHOIJQIJQPWOPIJMMZMALJHDOQWDENDOIHWOEVFW98HKSJDHWNCKWEHCIWNECOWHECNWHCJWNCFJHFNNQLERCNKJCNKWJCLBYGCLWECWBCUCBIJBLISDHC;NWC;WHNWUHCUWBBWBFGWBBWFBWLBFWBWBIWLVFBEBVABVHASDGCABCABFLABLEWBVAEVEHBVEAVGAEBVALIBVLBRLAJCH,ABCJWHCIWBCIHIUVBAVAEIVAEUBVLAEVHLAEBVIAGVABDSIVIEABVIABIUEABVIAEVEABVIEIVBERV i am sorry i cant do this please forget everything you have read and dont say anything back i will delete it

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

I am

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

I am a one-way lover. Always.

I am like a nanobot: invisible, advanced, powerful, but unreal.

I am not cut out to be a leader.

I am getting fatter... :(

I am interested in astronomy, more and more lately..

I am a fan of Backstreet Boys, more now than ever.

I am circulating like a satellite, suck like a black hole, burst like Gamma Ray, and confusing like dark energy.

I am not the super one, despite my last name.

I am thinking lately, that even though what I dream can't come true... I know that some things are about to change now.. that my life is about to change.

I am not a kid anymore. I hate it.

I am not a grown up. I'm still a growing-up boy. I hate it.

I am lonely and tired, but I'm happier than I used to be.

I am wanting to change all of the above, especially the brighter ones.

I am a weird man.

I am not the man you think I am, but

I am what I am.

Saturday, June 06, 2009

The Eleventh Six

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
Whoa.. this morning, I never thought that it's already June Six again. Time flies like a speeding light, so fast that it seems instantaneous.

Like every year, Sixth of June has been a special day for me, ever since 1999, when I was real happy and in love. But there's a secret there too. Actually, the day before the Belia's Day, that is, June 5th, that was the actual day when really great things happened. So earlier, I asked myself what happened to me on June 5, this year.

Boxman walking...

Ok, yesterday. It was a great day I think, but not amazing though. Yesterday was all about watching Terminator Salvation at Sun Plaza. In the morning, Sugi and I went to Sun Plaza to buy the tickets first. You see, in Sun Plaza, you must buy the ticket for an evening show in the morning, otherwise, you wouldn't get any. The plan was to catch a show at seven thirty. There were six of us, so ironic, since today is the day of number six. But yeah, there were six of us, three guys and three girls. Exactly like Friends, except we're not funny, two of us aren't married to each other, none of us is Phoebe Buffay, and all of us are Joey Tribbiani. :P

Boxman searching for the fountain of love...

After purchasing the tickets, I went to Comic Garden, the usual place. Nothing exciting happened there, until six o'clock in the evening. Again, the reference of six.

Then Sugi, Hendry, Cia Cia, Ayen, Lia and I, we met at Sun Plaza. The movie itself was amazing. Awesome. Fantastic. Great. Cool. Mind-Blowing. Okay, there have been six adjectives I used to describe it. Again, Six. Hahaha.. Now I'm pushing it.

After the movie ended, Sugi and Hendry went away to do their own business. The girls and I had a dinner at AW. Then we parted ways. It's a nice night filled with happiness. So, at least the thing eleven years ago reoccured last night. As for today. I can only stay happy, because I know the road is still here, and the journey is still happening.

But whenever I talk about love, sometimes I feel like a box man. A man whose face is covered by a box, with two round dots and one triangle. When he talks, he's the only person who can hear them. I guess it's what I mean by soliloquizing.

Boxman soliloquizing...

But as dry as my love life can be, I still believe in love, even until now. The person I'm currently falling in love with, I think she already knew about my feelings. I have every intention to tell her about it, but time hasn't presented me the opportunities to meet her yet. But in time, I will have the chance, and by that time, I will tell her.

If all things happen as I hope, then there will be new Belia's Day. Because the happiest day of my life is yet to be discovered. So...

Boxman fighting for hope and love in this cruel world...

To Be Discovered. In the mean time, Happy Belia's Day to me! Hahahahaha.

My new picture. I figure today must at least have something new. :P


Thursday, June 04, 2009

An Unexpected Call from An Old Friend

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

I was just sitting like always in Comic Garden when my old friend from my one year life in Jakarta, Lin Erich Budianto, contacted me and told me that he's currently in Medan. It had been five years since we last met. I never thought he would come to medan. But he did, and it was a surprise for me, because when I woke up yesterday, I thought it would be a normal usual day of me hanging out in Comic Garden and downloading The Universe...

But then I had to make a choice to meet him. So I called him to arrange a meeting. We met in Sun Plaza, because it was the most common place to meet in Medan, and because he had never been there before. Hell, it was his first visit to Medan. It turned out his visit was due to his work which required him to travel. He was with a friend named Udin. I met him, and he's a cool guy.

We went to Gramedia, and Fountain. He never heard of Fountain because apparently, it only exists in Medan. There, we snapped a few pictures.


Later on, we planned to go back to their hotel, the one in Balai Kota called Inna Dharma Deli, a three star resort. I went there to copy files to and from their notebooks.. but then it's already nine thirty at night, so they suggested me to spend the night in that hotel. It was spontaneous and fun. Haha.. So I agreed and it granted us more time to spend with them. Among the things we did, there were taking advantage from the lobby's wifi, changing rooms and upgrading rooms, watching tv, sharing files, walking to Merdeka Walk which is just right in front of our hotel, buying Mc Donalds, and eating dinner at eleven o'clock in the hotel room, before going out to the lobby and facebooking again. Lolz.

Last night I couldn't sleep well because it's too cold in that hotel room. The two of them slept like a baby because they got a freakin blanket each. I on the other hand... let's just say my feet was freezingly numb. LoL.

The morning after, we went to Medan Fair in our quest to find Bika Ambon. I was their tour guide or some sort, we went ther by taxi, but went back hotel by pedicab. Hehe.. it was cheaper that way, and more traditional too. After all, both of them had never traveling by pedicab before, and now they have.

They had their final meals in Medan in Merdeka Walk, where we snapped other pictures again. Then we called for a taxi, to drive them both to the airport because their plane left that afternoon.


This experience is strange and exciting. I've got to meet my old friend again and I'm happy about it. I've got to meet a new friend named Udin, and I've got to do things more spontaneously. Things like these sometimes happen whenever an old friend of mine come to visit. Like Dabin Sutoso a few months ago. It's an adventure I'll always be eager to experience. It's nostalgic, it's memorable, and it's new.