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Thursday, December 31, 2009

Only New, No Old

Hope is a dangerous thing. Love is even more dangerous.

Happy New Year!

How are you guys doing? I'm still at Berastagi right now, and this is the first morning of 2010, the first Friday. I am feeling okay, safe, and happy. This is a new year, so I don't see a reason why I can't start over a new leaf in the big chapter of my life.

If you read my last entry, then you understand how I was going through with her, but after that first night, where she continued to break my heart, I became stronger somehow, though it broke me, but I decided to forget everything about her. To finally really let her go. The way I could do that, is by these following steps :

1. Stop following her around and wonder where she is and what she's doing.
2. Finally erase all of her text messages to me, the ones I saved because they meant a lot to me.
3. To understand that this, ultimately, is what she wants.
4. To accept that I won't be there anymore to protect her, she now has her "cousin" or friend. He will take care of her.
5. The hardest one, is to not think of her. That way, I won't need to care about her. The less I think about her, the happier I will be. This specific step I admit I couldn't do without the help of another person, a person who shows a great potential, and who's nice, and caring, and totally different from her. I am thinking about her instead, and this helps me to get over her.
6. To be with my other friends (the one I know I can count on), and to have the best time of my life. This is an Old n New vacation after all.

To be honest, after I made that decision, I have no idea if I could ever go through with it, but now, a day later, I know exactly for sure that I was doing the right thing.

So, if you must know, as of yesterday, as of this new year, I have finally moved on. She is no longer a part of my life. My love to her will vanish slowly but surely. This is the end of the two of us, but the beginning of something even more beautiful... my own happiness.

I think, the biggest reason that I could forget her is that I kept occupying myself with activities with my friends, like playing UNO or singing karaoke with Dewi and friends. And there is one other thing that excites me, the fact that my relationship with this new girl is getting better. If I have to move on, I have to find me a better person. Isn't that what all my friends said to me after knowing that she dumped me?

I am not looking for a rebound, because I am not that shallow, please... give me a credit. I am a born lover. I am the person who adores true love and soulmates, who likes romance and beautiful emotions. I will not play someone else's heart. I am not her.

Perhaps, in this case, I use this new girl, let's temporary call her R, as a means to forget about Minnie. Perhaps that is right, but if this can help me, I will go straight with it. There's no wrong in that. And another thing, from my past experience, I've learned not to fall in love to easily now. Hope is a dangerous thing. Love is even more dangerous. I have to be more careful from now on.

So what really happened yesterday? How was my New Year's Eve? I'll tell you.
I didn't sleep at all the first night I got here, so in the morning, I have made up my mind about leaving Minnie and stop caring about her. And so, from that moment on, every time we met, I just ignored her as she did me. It's for the best, in our current state.

We had noodles as breakfast, we played UNO cards afterwards, with punishments for the losers. They had to do chores. I played once and I lost. I got the job to clean up the Barbeque's floor. Hahaha.. But I wasn't doing it alone, many friends helped me, and that made it a fun thing to do.

You must know how come I could be happy when I was playing games with my friends. That's because she spent most of her time with her "cousin" and another friend of mine. The three of them were like a small group who only joined us when they felt necessary. I didn't care about them. And so whenever I was playing cards or karaoke, I would do them with other friends, and they are Erwin Muis, Lilis Njio, Sundra Talaman, his wife Juni, Juni's sister, and my three new friends : Dewi, her boy friend Amin, and Jacqueline.

Dewi is the coolest of all. She and I share a lot of things in common. She likes to sing as I do, and her music genre matches with me perfectly that I'm a little terrified. Hahaha.. Also, she loves to take pictures like I do. She's cool and funny and smart.

Amin perhaps is as cool as Dewi is. He surprises me sometimes, he sings in the moment... but when you ask him to sing along in a karaoke, he wouldn't. He is funny as hell, smart and friendly.

Jacqueline is Amin's cousin. She's the youngest of all, even younger than Minnie. But she doesn't look that young. She looks like grown up girl. She is the master of UNO, and we were all having a bad time defeating her, but with over and over again efforts, we finally crushed her. Hahaha... Also, she has a nice voice and she loves to sing.

When we were singing karaoke until our voices broke down, Minnie and her two friends were locking themselves inside a bedroom. They seemed almost unfriendly to the others but I couldn't care less anymore.

Jokes and laughing got our day moving into night. In the afternoon, while we're doing nothing, Dewi, Jacqueline and I played a poker card game but just the three of us. Whoever lost a round would suffer a punishment and humiliation. We played once and Dewi was the first to lose. She had to scream out her name to the neighbourhood while we're recording the whole process. It was funny. Hahaha.. The second time around, Jacqueline lost. She had to sing our national Anthem, Indonesia Raya, on top of her voice. Hahaha...

But the third time was also Jacqueline's moment. She lost again, and she had to sing Pada mu Negeri, completely. LOL.

The both of them weren't satisfied until I lost. But then a person called Apek showed up, and he already had a reputation as a Luck-Breaker. He was standing behind me the whole time I was playing cards and thus my luck turned 180 degrees and I lost the game. We all jokingly blaming him as the reason why my luck changed this drastically. But the fact is I lost. And I was about to suffer my punishment.

But my humiliation wasn't usual, because the girls were determined to embarass me in the best way they can. So I was asked to wear jacqueline's scarf around my head like a muslim woman, and then go to meet all of our gangs, to act like a soldier, scream embarassing stuffs and eventually sing a complete reff of Indonesia Raya on the top of my voice. Twice. Hahaha.. They recorded me, damn! Hahaha... They all laughed at me, and I laughed myself. It was a game, a really funny one. I had a great time with them.

The evening UNO game was even more funnier. We played many rounds, each with their unique and embarrassing punishments. Erwin lost thrice, Jacqueline twice, Lilis once, Sundra twice, but Amin and I were lucky enough to survive the rounds. LOL.

The funniest part was the last one, when Sundra lost. It was a time of desperation, because whoever lost this round had to go to in front of our villa, stand on top of a chair and scream loudly "HI EVERYBODY!!! MY NAME IS .... AND I AM A CRAZY PERSON!!!!" and then sings "La la la la la" in a way of a teenage girl does.

It was scary, the round was intense, and Sundra wasn't seem to be losing, not until Apek suddenly showed up and stand behind him, which suddenly threw Sundra's luck out of place. He began to be so unlucky and finally lost. We roared with laughter as Apek once again was blamed for this unfortunate coincidence. Hahaha.. It was crazy, all of us laughed really hard until our neck and stomach hurt. But then Sundra, a thirty year-old husband with a child screamed like a little girl, we all laughed hard once again.

At eleven o'clock, we started the Barbeque. It was a cold night when mountain winds blew on its might finally in the year 2009. When the countdown arrived, we all shook hands and greeted Happy New Year! with each other. I didn't shake Minnie's hand though. I only texted her.

She replied my text with her current strong-headed message and her assumption that I was a childish person and that I was still in love with her and wanted to get back with her, I told her my feelings for her had changed because she wasn't worth it, and that she didn't need to worry about me. I was happy.

And then she texted me back saying some childish sentences I couldn't remember because I already erased all of her messages.

Moving on, we're all celebrating New Year with lighting the fireworks and acting crazy. I have a video of it all.. a 13 minute-long video showing the whole thing. We sang songs and we laughed, it was the best way to spend Old n New.

And, lastly, about R... she didn't disappoint me last night, if so, she surprised me and I like her even more. I just hope everything will be allright now. Strangely, this time, I am optimistic that my life will turn out to be just fine, and better than last year.

Happy New Year, everybody! Let us live!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009


When what your head tells you to do and what your heart wants you to do doesn't match, well... you're fucking screwed!

Dear World,

If I tell you that I've been better in the past two weeks, then I would have lied to you completely. The aftermath of a broken heart could not vanish this easily, especially when the feeling I felt for her isn't a usual puppy love anybody would expect. I loved her thoroughly and completely. I was in love. And now I was broken up.

In my last entry, I have told you the whole story of our tragic relationship, how we came to exist and how we broke up. How she left me. But the acceptance was too damn hard to come by. Honestly speaking, I couldn't accept it, and I can not. Perhaps I will never will, and I just have to live with it.

But so much has been going on since the day I found out about the other guy. She didn't and she never admitted him to me. She kept shoving me with lies, that the guy did not exist, when I clearly know that he did. Perhaps she was embarrassed, and perhaps she didn't want to hurt me even more (which actually happened, she hurt me even more by NOT telling me the truth about him). I had to find out from somebody else. From her bestfriend.

But then, when I thought things couldn't get any harder, one morning I woke up to find her text message saying that she wanted me to forget about her, to erase her from my life, and to never look for her again in anyway possible.
The shocked me didn't get the whole meaning of that message, because it was still early in the morning and I just woke up. So I opened my facebook, and I opened her profile page. But then I found something that freaked me out the most, she removed me from friend.

I was blindly and utterly angry, and scared, and confused, but most of all, really really upset. The only possible explanation was that she had had problems with that guy, and that guy was somehow jealous with me, and asked her to remove me from her life.

I tried to call her several times but she didn't pick up my call, not even once. Haunted by the desire of explanation, desperately, I texted her several messages I knew she couldn't ignore. Slowly, in the end, she told me via sms that someone was jealous about me and her, thus confirming that she'd been lying to me, that there was in fact another guy.

But she wouldn't tell me any further than that. She cut me off completely. She evaded my call, she inactivated her cells, and she didn't opened facebook. All I can do, the then-angry me, I just sent her many many texts to say how I was feeling, that I was hurt beyond her imagination, that I was seriously offended, and angry. And that she should have never removed me from friends. I sent her too much too long messages, hoping that she would return them. I thought, at that time, if she didn't make it okay this time, then I could never forgive her anymore, despite how hurt I was.

Then, a few long hours later, when I had given up hope, and still upset, she texted me to ask me what she should do. I told her she should re-add me as her friend, because that guy's jealousy was his own problem.
She asked me to be the one who re-added her, but I denied. I told her, because of this, she was the one who removed me, so she was the one who ought to add me. I was extremely angry, but this, I was determined.

Later I told my friends everything about her, and that was the stupidest thing I had ever done. I thought my friends could help me to get closer with her, but as it turned out, I was betrayed once again, not by her, but by my fellow guy friends. They began to choose sides, and eventhough they knew me longer than they knew her, they all choose her, listening to her side of the story, and therefore inferred that I was the bad guy. They began to spend time with her more frequently than with me. They talked about me in secrets, and I noticed. They set up a yahoo conference but didn't invite me, usually they always invited me. But now that they knew about us, I was suddenly a total stranger. An outsider in my own home.

She re-added my facebook and I approved, but our relationship has been marred too badly. We couldn't talk anymore. We couldn't chat without being awkward anymore. And then it happened.

Because all my close friends were now her close friends, she began to spend time more often with them, and I, lesser.

Our group had been planning for an Old and New trip to Berastagi, starting 30th Desember 2009 until 2 January 2010. I had signed in, and I had promised them I would come, but then she did too, she, forsaking the fact that I would be on that trip as well, she joined in. And then things began to start really awkward.

My friends were planning to gather one day, to plan about the trip. They were discussing about meeting at Cambridge the next day, via Yahoo Conference late at night. I wasn't online at that time usually, because I didn't own an internet connection of my own. But as I was bored, I opened my Yahoo via my cellphone. I found all of them were online, so I thought there must be a conference going on. I asked my friend about it. I told him to invite me in, and so he did.

Inside the conference, I learned about the gathering plan the next day, but if I didn't open my YM that night, I would have been left behind.

The next day, we all met at Cambridge. Previously, I offered to pick her up from her home, like I usually did. But she said no, she would go there by herself.

The next day, she came with my friend, who had already had a girlfriend, but whose girlfriend was at Jakarta at the moment so that he was free. The both of them, my friend and she, they claimed that they had a family connection, she told me that he was somehow her long long long cousin. I chose to believe her.

But when I saw her coming with him together, riding a bike. I was jealous beyond limit. I was furious, not only because of the fact that they excluded me out of this, but also because of her "new" relationship with my friend, whom I hated to admit as a friend. My friends knew about my condition with her, but instead of helping me, why did they do this to me?

This is so fucking annoying and I hate everything about it. I wish to disjoin the trip but it was already too late.

So while at Cambridge, I confronted her. We had a big fight, and she accused me of being childish, selfish, a push over, and she hated me even more. How the hell should I feel?

I offered to ride her back to her house, but again, she insisted that she wanted to leave home alone, which in fact, she went home with him. Again, I was torn by sadness and fury. I went home immediately. Leaving us broken and scarred. Leaving me dead.

The next day, I convinced myself to be happy and enjoy all the good things in life and never to think about her again. So I went to my usual hang out place Comic Garden and I met two of my friends there. But all was going well until she showed up with my friend again. Everything was awkward once more.

I could only watch the two of them getting closer, while knowing exactly that he has already had a girlfriend. Everyone in the room don't seem to mind about her and him. Probably because they thought the both of them are cousins and they were close. I don't know if my jealousy is unreasonable. Perhaps it is, but still, I wish that the two of us can make it as friends, not as two people who doesn't talk but still see each other every day.

So I tried to fix things up with her, I told her that we should be civilized, we should be able to talk to each other again, and I have tried to do that. I have started conversations with her, only to hear her answering me in a short, cold reply or shrug.

She says she doesn't want to try to fix things up with me. She doesn't want to try. She has hated me. She keeps saying that I am childish and a push over. I hate that. It makes me hate her even more.

And now the day is up. We are still not talking and we are about to spend four days together in a villa in Berastagi. FUCK! What should I do?

Right now, I am typing these words in the villa's living room, while she and my "friend" are sitting on the couch watching movies. I am facing straight towards them. I know she is going to sleep beside him. She has already put her head on his shoulder and slept.

It's like she's trying to make me jealous and hurt even more. There are rooms upstairs for she to sleep in with other girls. But she chose to sleep on the couch with him accompanying... her "cousin".

And why am I sitting and facing towards them? Because I need to see everything. I need to make sure nothing happens between them. I am watching them, while typing this. You can imagine how awkward this is. And you can imagine how I must feel.

Am I hurt? Yes.
Am I jealous? Yes.
Am I wishing that he dies now? Yes.
Do I know that watching them sleep is the most stupid idea ever? Yes. But I have to. I can't sleep anyway. It's already 5.36 in the morning now.
Do I know that there is no chance whatsoever that she will return to me? Sadly, yes.
Do I want her to be with me again? I don't know. I think yes. But I have been hurt too far. I can't. I don't want her again, but yet I want her again! ARRGGHHH!!!! When what your head tells you to do and what your heart wants you to do doesn't match, well... you're fucking screwed!

I don't know what will happen to me tomorrow and the next day and the next day. It's already new year, but I just feel that because of her, this is my worst new year's eve ever!

I just want this trip to be over, and then I won't need to meet her again, to see her again, and I will decrease my meetings with my friends whom I know can't be trusted.

I have learned many things. Not to trust people is one of them. You never know who your real friends are until they did something like this to you.
I hate them. I hate her. I hate myself for ever loving her. But still, I still love her.

I feel like I just wanna disappear from this world. But what I want right now is someone else.

I want to meet a new girl, and I want to have a new girlfriend. Perhaps as a rebound, but I don't think so. I am now ready to love another woman, and this time, I will choose carefully.

Please, end this misery. I'm begging you.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Acceptance

One of the hardest things in life is watching the person you love, love someone else.
Do you know the hardest thing in life is not "living the worst moments"? No. The hardest thing is "accepting it".

Just like this. I don't know how to begin. In this entry, I will tell you the whole thing. Because I have been going on and on about this in the past thirty days and it's been eating me from the inside out. Now it's time for me to let go. Now it's time for me to accept.

This is a story of my love life, a pathetic love searching ended in a most tragic way.

It all began when I met a girl who I thought to be different from all the girls I know. She's cute, she's stubborn, and she's caring. She's one of the kind, and she had feelings for me. I grew to like her as well. I shared the connection between the two of us. Slowly, but surely, I began to fall into her. I thought about her all the time, because that's what I do when I'm in love.

It's too soon to tell, but I was quite sure that this was it! How often was your first love your real love? I couldn't believe it, but I have found the answer to my loneliness. I have found love. Or so I thought.

The days we had were amazing at the very least. It's hard to describe how great it was, the times we spent together... the closeness and the passion. It's all new to me. I was scared. Little did I know..

She always said that she wanted me forever, that she loved me completely and she hoped that I would be the last one for her. It was the perfect dream. My life couldn't be better.

But as the days went by, she changed.

It hadn't been three weeks when she started to show signs of unhappiness. She was quieter than usual. She was starting to pull away from me. She didn't want me to call her, to see her, to meet her, and to spend time with her anymore. She picked fights with me. I couldn't be more patient in dealing her.

I told her if time was what she needed, I would give her that. But she wouldn't say what was bothering her.

Her stubbornness started to annoy me. But I didn't want to mess up this relationship.. because at those times, I have known that I loved her. Real bad that I couldn't live without her.

On the twenty sixth day we were together, she told me she wanted to break up with me. That's when things span out of control. Her only reason was that she "couldn't do it anymore".

It was the vaguest and the most ridiculous way of breaking up I've ever heard. Two days earlier, she just called me babe, texted me to ask me to ever not leave her. But now...

So that was it. She just left me. Hanging without a clear explanation of why. I was having the worst time of my life. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't breathe and eat. I couldn't focus on work. I was a damn mess when she first left me.

And Yet I searched for explanation. I asked her over and over again. She told me that I had become so annoying, a push over, and she said that if I kept doing this, she would hate me. But I couldn't let her go that easily. She was already letting me go. I was getting sadder. I couldn't believe everything that had happened. WHY?


What happened to her promises and her love before? Was it all a mere illusion? Was I just a doll she played with?

A month later, that was yesterday, I finally found out the real answer as to why she left me. It's very simple.

She dumped me for another guy.

Her feelings for me changed, or died away when we're still together. She was like a bitch whom I hated very much. I wanted to make her pay. I was so angry.

But then I remembered... I still loved her. I still care for her. I couldn't hate her, ever. How could I hate the person I love? But I have finally found a closer. I hoped I would be able to move on.

Now, she and I are still friends. I still love her, and despite what she did to me, in the bottom of my heart, I still hope for us to be together again, because she was my first true love, no matter how bad and cruel she is. But I know that we won't be a couple again. She has made the decision to leave me, and knowing her stubbornness, I know that she won't be with me anymore.

So now, all I can do is to accept everything, and try to move on. I have to grow and be more mature. This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do.

And the truth is, I don't know if I can.

Thursday, December 03, 2009


Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

I guess this is the first time I have this feeling. What Bella Swan said in Twilight, "I'm only scared of losing you.", I finally know how it really means.

I have no doubt about how I feel. I'm just scared.

Is loving somebody too much wrong?

All I've ever done is to love her. But that is becoming a problem. How can something so beautiful be seen as something wrong?

I am so close to blaming her. I need more strength and patience, because my insecurity is about to eat me from the inside out. I must prevail. I must survive. Because I won't mess this up.

Not anymore.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The Understanding

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
Time has passed on. Another chapter of my life has started since November 11, 2009. I am a new man. And I am not alone anymore. But discovering your answer is not everything. This is not the end of the story. It's the end of one story. One long story of my life.

I love her with all my heart. She told me she does too. Two hearts beating as one is all it takes to be the happiest man in the world. But is she happy? Is she satisfied? What is she thinking?

All of the sudden, my life is not about me anymore. All I'm doing is to love her and to think what's best for her. But that's all I can do. What kind of things should I do? Confusion attacked me every single day.

There is a new episode everyday. Everything is moving so fast that I barely can't keep up. Sometimes, I'm the luckiest man in the world. The other time, my hand hurt because my heart hurts.

I am trying my best to understand her, but the effort it takes makes he confused even more. I am what I am. I don't know how to do this. But apparently, she doesn't either. So who the hell is driving this ship?

But why should things have to be complicated?

It's simple.

I love you. You love me. Isn't that enough? That should be enough.
You know what? I'm going to tell her this, now.

I don't like complicated.

I am a simple man, after all.

Monday, November 09, 2009


You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

So here it is... the moment I've been waiting for since the first time I wrote the entry about Soulmate has come. I don't know if love has found me or if I have found love. But both of those are equally good for me.

The funny thing is perhaps we found each other. She is a person I would never have thought to end up with. She's only a normal girl who's looking for love, but been hurt so many times. I was there when she's hurt. But I was there in the aftermath. I think that's where we got closer.

There was a doubt inside of me, when it was time to choose between her and Sierra. But as I was drown in confusion, something came to my mind, telling me that if I choose Sierra instead of her, I would be living in constant doubt. Everything will not be as clear as I am now with Minnie. Yeah, Minnie. She's my special person now.

Have you ever heard about a saying that goes like this : You only need one minute to introduce yourself to someone, one hour to know that you can talk to them, one day to know whether you still need to talk to them, one week to like them, one month to get close to them, one year to love them, and one lifetime to forget them.

I think it's partially correct. It only takes one week to like someone, another week to realize it, and an extra day to decide. Once you do, you'll get the clarity for this relationship. You talk about many things. Past and Future. But it's the present which you are really excited about.

I met Minnie the other day. It was a secret meeting since we didn't want anybody else to know. It turned out to be the most special moment for us both. Not exactly like what I'd planned and wished for, but it's a start.

The both of us opened ourselves for each other. We accepted each other. This is something I'd never experienced in my entire life. It's new, it's exciting, I'm terribly scared now.

The best thing about it, is that I am now happy, and I am now lonely no more. Thanks to her, my life is much much much better despite all the things that bring us down. She completes me in a way I complete her. She's told me that she cares about me. And it's only a matter of time now...

The moment has come, eventually. Did it feel as great as I hoped?


I can not lie.

YES! :)

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Why, An Untitled Monologue

Put me out of my misery. We’re not what we used to be.

La La La la...

You’re still here.. Your feet stuck to the ground despite how silly it sounds.. you’re bigger than me...

That is Bigger, a song of Backstreet Boys, from their new album, which will be their second single. Backstreet Boys has always been a figure of friend to me, and a loyal one. But I am looking for no friend, because as all hells know, I’m in the quest of finding my soulmate, a quest so arduous that it has messed up the definition of the word soulmate to me.

I’m inside my room, facing my notebook, wanting to write out everything inside of my mind. I have bottled up so many things in these two months I was absent. From the birthday post of mine, and the previous entry called Addiction, I have come a long way, but sadly, nowhere.

Yes, I will. Take your hand and walk with you. Yes I will. Baby I promise you. Yes I will, give you everything you need and someday start a family with you. Oh Yes I will...

Another Backstreet Boys song is being played right now. Promises and Promises. They never stop. Few of them got fulfilled, but most of them got abandoned and forgotten. I have to admit that I have broken several of my promises myself. I am no perfect man. But I tried my best to keep living by my promises. The world isn’t easy to live in, at least my world is.

Everyone wishes to see me do great things. I want to prove to them, to my family and my friends that I can be someone.. just someone.. but figuring who you are and what you’re supposed to do isn’t a thing you can finish in a day or a year. It’s a continuing progress with ups and downs. But lately, I am neither moving up nor down. I am levitating in a perfect silence, immovably still.

So my story, or at least, this part of the story began when I first knew about this girl who I thought to be my soul mate, the one whom at last I found. For one whole month I was the happiest man in the world. Everything seemed to be falling in to the right place. She was the one who would be single-handedly rescuing me from my lair of insecurities and loneliness.

I devoted everything to her, I tried my best to be the perfect guy for her. In a short time, she was the one person who knew me better than anybody else. I felt to be moving closer to her myself. We had a special connection like nothing I’d ever seen or felt before. I knew it was meant to be, that I was somehow made for her.

But like this blog, everything turned out to be just a one way street. She cut me off her life just easily as if we were never close. I couldn’t seem to comprehend as to why she did the things she did. And it took me one more month before I finally knew that I didn’t meet her expectations, whatever those were.

The pain of losing something you thought was your final answer was indescribable at best. She is everything but mine. But the way she severed our relationship, I would never forget. I didn’t “feel” like we had a connection. I knew for sure that the two of us shared a deep connection to each other, like we’re the two last persons in this world. But why and how come could she end everything just like that?

There was a time when suddenly she disappeared from the face of the earth. When I couldn’t reach to her. She deleted everything in her life, or at least she deleted me. She didn’t want me to know what’s happening to her, and I tried my hardest to understand her, only to fail completely. She was no better person than anybody, she was never a perfect girl, and that’s what I like about her, but the way she pushed me away from everything. How could I love somebody who’s mysteriously silent all of sudden?

I didn’t know how to deal with the situation. I began to swarm myself with my usual insecurities and pessimisms, only this time they were quadrupled and doubled, because this was my biggest bet. This was my biggest love yet, and I was losing...

When things went for worse, I tried to soothe myself, found things to distract myself.. but in the end I kept coming back to her. I even went on a date with a girl I didn’t like just because I needed someone to be with so badly. It all went wrong so awfully that everything in my life was spinning out of control. I lost myself, abandoned this blog, and I chased on two girls who had already got a boyfriend. I got stressed out, hated my job, and obsessed in playing games to distract myself.

In short, my life was a mess without her.

If I say I’m fine now, and that I have moved on and forgotten about her, that would be a total lie. I still wish if things hadn’t turned for the worst. I might still be happy, because we were looking about a big long future together, and to share everything. To love and care so solemnly. So sweetly.

It hurts just to write this, to imagine what would have been. The thing is, she was one in a million for me. It feels like I’ll never find anybody who can share things like we did. She was the one person who was like me, who had more things in common with me than any girl would ever do. But if things stay this way, I will never be happy again. I need to move on and forget about her. I need to find someone else.

Until this very second, I have nobody in my heart. I am now an unloved man not looking for love. Soulmate and its definition has been torn in to pieces. True Love, I have now wondered if it exists at all, or isn’t it all just a big game of money and lust?

People always say to me to be more cheerful and positive, that it’s not good for me to stay like this. But I have tried cheerful. I have tried positive. They didn’t work for me. I am Meredith Grey, scary and damaged. Dark and Twisty. I don’t like it. I’m not proud of it. I want to be everything but.

What do you want me to say?


I will find my love, just believe it”?


I will find my love. Count on it!!!!

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Twenty Four

Dreams do come true sometime eh.

I sit and wait... does an angel contemplate my fate?

Hi, world. We meet again, and it's another long gap before my entry. I'm sorry. Lately, what I feel has been like a seesaw.. It's all happening so fast, and emotions flows like an insane river going on south. Things have not gone so well with my life lately. What I want and what was delivered, man... they differ a lot.

So yesterday was my birthday. Another year has passed. So quickly and yet so slowly. All I ever wished for is for my life to turn out Okay. I just want to be happy. Friends and Lovers.. all the drama in my life... why should we expect any different?

I never celebrate my birthday before.. never since I was just an eight or nine year old kid. My mom used to throw me a party and invite all our neighbours.. there would be cakes and coloured eggs. There would be noodles and prizes.. they would be the best days of my life.

But as I got older, the sense of celebrating got old. Every year, my birthdays were passed... my friends never threw me anything and I was fine with it, because I never threw anything for them also. Hahaha..

But yesterday I knew I needed something different, because I've had all my shares of ups and downs.. (mostly the downs), so I needed something better. I needed something to make me happy. So an idea came to my mind. It's simple, but it's something I never done before.

"Buy a cake, to myself!"

The Hell with others! I don't care what would happened next.

At August 18, I called Anni. She had just gotten back from Tuk Tuk with Hensen Cs. She agreed to meet me and buy the cake.

Later that night, I went to Comic Garden, like I did usually. There I met Tony, Adon, Acun, Sugi, and Erwin. They wished me a happy birthday although it wasn't the time yet. They joked about buying fifteen tofus to share with them all, but at last, I bought thirty of them and they all ate lots of tofus that night. LoL.. what an unusual way to treat friends.

That night I already felt somewhat happy, because friends were actively happy about my birthday and that never happened to me before. They posted greetings on my facebook walls.. and lots and lots of them too..

I didn't sleep that night, because I intended to be happy, at least I tried to make it a happy day, but after two o'clock, I couldn't help it anymore. I collapsed to a dreamless sleep. I woke up at nine yesterday. And I felt happy. Mostly because it's already my birthday, but also because I was free that day, didn't have to teach. So I went on to meet Anni at one p.m. She looked beautiful like she always do.

Anni is a person who's strong and doesn't care of what people think. She's one of my bestest friends and saying that she's great is an understatement. She does whatever she likes and she's been through a lot. Someone I admire, I believe, is my point.

She's a friend who can accept you for who you are, know and respect that we're all not a perfect person. There are only a few people I know that's like her. So it's an honor for me to be able to spend my birthday with her. So yesterday she's with me for the day.

We went to Thamrin Plaza, without any real plan what to do once we get there. We did all things spontaneously. I didn't plan what to do on my birthday. I just thought of three things : meet Anni, buy a cake, go to Comic Garden. That's all.

So, once we got to Thamrin Plaza, we talked about the possibility of us watching a movie... but there were no good movies playing there.. Just Doomsday : one which I have watched three days ago with Lily, but that's another story... , Red Line : one which I have no interest in watching, Quarantine : one old movie I expected would be very much like Doomsday , and Max Payne : one I don't care or like. Apparently, Anni also found the movies so boring.. LoL.. so we didn't watch anything that day. Instead, we went to D-Loft to have lunch together..

The last time we went to Thamrin, we also went there to drink and talk about a girl I like. She helped me getting prepared, and we shopped clothes together.. but it's only a few weeks and we went there again, talking about almost the same topic, but with different circumstances.. this time, it's my birthday, so today was about me, or so what Anni told me, and that girl I like, all of it went south and screwed... So here we go, Anni sticked with me through all of my ups and downs. It's how good a friend she is.

Out of nowhere, I proposed an idea to go and sing a song.. because at that time, there's this song "I'll be there" by Mariah Carey.. and so I asked Anni if she wanted to go to Karaoke with me, just the two of us. Normally girls wouldn't want to do that, but not Anni, (since she's not really a girl, haha).

It's the first time in my life to go to sing in K2 in the middle of the day. Usually I go there at night. And I'd never gone to Karaoke just with one person. But yesterday was a day of surprises, unexpected, and do-what-we-love-to-do kind of day.

We sang so many songs together... we had it all. Amongst the songs we sang, there were Michael Jackson's You are not alone, Heal the world, Backstreet Boys's Shape of my heart, All I have to give, Show me the meaning.. We also sang songs like I'll be there, Scientist, Love story, You belong with me, Endless love (hm.. what a romantic moment..), In love with you, and many many many mandarin songs I can't remember the titles.. Hahaha..

It's the best time and the happiest I feel in a long time.

At the moment, I suddenly realized that this was what I had hoped for in the year 2002. Being close to Anni and doing things together as friends. I was in the same room with her. This was what I dreamed for, for such a long time... and now it's happening to me when all other things fell over in my life... and it's happening on my birthday. Dreams do come true sometime eh, who knows?

I could feel the intimate feelings of love and caring about each other.. but here's the trick, Anni and I are just friends. We're such a good friend that most of my friends think that we're together.. She's my best friend from highschool. I can talk and share a lot of things with her.. and so can she. When she was in the hospital four years ago, I think that was the time we got closer with each other. I love her and care about her as friends, and she always this cool about it.

Most of the times, when we have nothing else to talk about, we always share stories about the persons we like and have feelings on. I told her about my disastrous date experience just three days ago, and about my failed plan to steal a girl's heart. She told me about her love life as well.. but I won't write it here.. it's just between us.

We planned to go to Clover to buy the cake after we finished singing, but it was raining all of sudden, and heavily too. So we just stood on the outside of K2, watching the rain as we talked about things in life. Hehe.. it's an unplanned event too.. because plans always break apart.. It's better if we just flow within them.. let it all happen.

It was already six in the afternoon, and I suddenly realized that I was hungry, so Anni told me that we should get something to eat. I told her there was a nice place to eat just nearby K2, so we went there to have our dinner while waiting for the rain to stop. Yeah.. it's what you do when you ride a bike to go everywhere. I don't have a fancy car. So what?

We went down to East and West restaurant. I have just ever been there once with Jacq years back.. and it's so nice to go there again. Anni told me she wanted to treat me. Haha.. I wouldn't let her, but she's so strong. LoL.

The rain had stopped after we dined. We rushed to buy the cake because it's getting late, and I was already late. My friends were waiting for me at Comic.

Comic Garden was like my second home. Hehe.. All of the people there last night celebrated my birthday, and all I can say is that I was touched. Anni helped me cut the cake. She's a cutter, I said. Hehe..

It's just a small birthday, something exactly I hope for (Thank you Anni, for making me feel very happy^^). In a way, last night was perfect. I am already twenty four today. It's the number you have in one day. Don't waste life. I'm turning a new leaf. If things don't happen the way I want, then I just have to accept it and try to move on, struggling for something better, because in time, good things are bound to happen. Dreams are always coming true. Late it may be, but it will happen.

It's just statistic.

Travis - Closer (Official Music Video) - More free videos are here

Thursday, July 30, 2009


Fanaticism for anything is addiction.

The wind blew hard, smashing and shaking the window in my room.. I was uneasy. My body moved sideways and back. It’s not what I hoped for, this was not what I dreamed of, but “I am dreaming about this...”

What was I dream of?

Last night, the anticipation was killing me, I fell asleep to find her materialized in my dream. She was something extraordinary. She’s unshy. She put her arms on my shoulders, and then she gently placed her head against mine. She looked at me, deep. I was stunned beyond knowledge. Nothing could have prepared me for this. This was it! This was what I wanted. What I always wanted. But then she pulled away from me. She was busy, she had so many friends and so much work to do.

When her friends got there, they almost seemed to have deprived her away from me. They almost like carried her away. She didn’t mind, because she had to finish her job. She was talking about so many things I didn’t understand. The things in her life had just suddenly gotten broad. It’s as if I was only a little part of her that was insignificant, and after she finished make do with me, she had to move on, to another job to do.

I was left alone, again, when she went and talked to one of her colleagues. I remember one of her friends, one whose name I knew, he came to talk to me, and he said that she was indeed like this. She was always so popular. She was always busy. It’s what she did, it’s what she was. It’s who they were.

I felt like being plunged in to a nightmare I wanted very much to get out of. This was not what I dreamed about. This was not supposed to happen!

And then I woke up.

Breathless, I was relieved that it was only a dream. It hadn’t happened. Hope it wouldn’t happen.
My eyes were fixed on a random spot on my ceiling.. it wasn’t time. Not yet.

So what I saw that morning.. was Steven Lee’s birthday. It’s like I was being thrown in to the past. Random thoughts were rushing thru my mind...

Steven Lee was a friend you would love to laugh with, though sometimes I laugh at him. ^^ And when his birthday arrived, we knew we ought to do something about it. But no celebrations, we just hung out with him at Sun Plaza’s food court. No food, no beverages. But a lot of pictures were taken. Had I known about her then? It was after my spontaneous thing. I have contacted her. It was a happy day. Not because of Steven Lee’s birthday, but because of her. She made me happy.

I looked at my cell phone’s clock and it’s still eight. I still had time. I went back to sleep, thought I should rest more, and dream about something else. But I wasn’t dreaming anymore, instead, I was wondering what would happen three hours later. Just three hours from then, I remember realizing about it. But my thoughts once again ran away and got clouded with the possibilities.

Endless possibilities.

Petrificus Totalus! The hype of Harry Potter had once again struck me and all my friends as the sixth installment crawled nearer and nearer. I was excited, but I didn’t post anything of the movie on my blog, like what I did last year. But I still was excited to see it in the cinema.. I told myself that I would watch it as soon as it came out, but it turned out that I didn’t have the time. I was busy working and teaching, and all my friends were unavailable to watch it with me when I could, and were available when I couldn’t.

She was away, when the movie came out, if she weren’t, I would have asked her to do the honor with me. I did ask her anyway, but I wasn’t serious.

Harry wasn’t as different as the fifth. It was definitely a continued-movie from the fifth, since the director was David Yates and the same until the movie wraps out in the seventh.. and I enjoyed the movie, surely, because I am the biggest fan in the studio.. but as I could see.. many people didn’t enjoy it, I admit it myself that the movie lacked action. But that’s the whole point, the sixth was just a preparation for the finale.

In the end of the day, I wanted to share the movie I’d watched with her and her alone. She wasn’t even a fan of Harry Potter. But why did I need to share it with her?

I finally woke up at eight thirty, thinking I should probably be more ready than ever. So I took a shower, had a breakfast, and tried to look the best I could. The expectation was super high. The pressure was unimaginable. I was too selfish. I needed everthing to be perfect and fairy-tale-ish. All I imagined in the last two days was a dance in the middle of nowhere. We were walking and I asked her to dance, didn’t know where the bravery came from, didn’t care of the consequences if she turned me down. I just thought, let’s just said she wanted to.

I offered her to hold my hand, and then I held her hand. Like Addison offered the Chief to dance on the bar-floor with no music around. “Ask me anyway.” Said Addison. And I would took out my cell phone, and I played “I’ll be there” or “All I have to give”, and we just danced like Izzie and George did. He held her hand, pushed her away but still held her hand, and then he pulled her to his body, hugged her by touching her waist, as her other hand caressed his upper shoulder, and then their feet moved around harmoniously, and she spinned around in front of him, all of those beneath the faint mp3 music coming out of my mono speaker...

That would have been lovely, I thought.

I love how I can be straight to my heart with her, and what a happy coincidence when Backstreet Boys released their new single called Straight through my heart. I downloaded it at once.

To see them coming back with a hit like this, I was so happy and proud. All I did, was to tweet the news, and wrote it on my facebook status.. mumbled the chorus to anybody who wanted to hear. And not left behind, I told her about it as well. That’s the best thing, I told her everything. Never in my life, never, even Cy, had I known someone who posed very similiarly with my soulmate. Is she my soulmate? Have I finally found it? The one? Have I finally found the answer to the song Unmistakable?

I haven’t known yet.

I mounted my bike. Smashie wasn’t ready. But I told her that this was an important and special day, and she understood, that way, I knew that she would do her best. And so we began our journey. It was a great trip, Smashie and me. She was great and loyal to me.

I stopped by places to make sure I was ready and prepared. But when I got there, all the awkwardness started to show up. Everything was happening then, at that precise moment. It was all so real, that what I’d been imagining had finally taking shape to come true, accurate or not, still to be seen. I was nervous. Very. I recalled what Anni said to me...

She was the one to tell me don’t be afraid. Don’t be nervous. Be confident. Be strong. Be my self. What simple advices could do, I wouldn’t know then, because all I was thinking was


And I didn’t even believe in God.

And time moved very fast. I mean, literally running insanely fast. I was terrified.

Anni went back Medan few weeks ago. I have met her twice since. Our relationship has grown since the last time we seen each other, and that was when her sister’s wedding day.

I became more able to talk to her about things like how I was feeling, and she seemed to be really happy to have this clarity from me. We were different, and for the first time, we were really friends. Yes, for the first time ever since I saw her walking in the corridor of Sutomo 1. Ever since the moment I sat beside Diana and she came over and talked to me, introduced herself to me. Ever since the moment we talked just the two of us in the hospital room. This, was new. And it’s all because of her. She didn’t only make me happy, but unknowingly, she had made Anni happy. Or at least I’d like to think that way. Anni and I had finally come to a new place, thanks to her.

See? How can someone so new to me be so special? Another thing to weigh in on the soulmate thought.

But then the moment came when she spoke to me. She saw me. I was coming to her. Closer and closer. And it’s all officially begun. I saw her. As beautifully as I had already suspected, that, if it’s impossible to say she’s even prettier.

I felt like a moron while I was standing next to her. But I tried to do what Ross did when he was with Rachel. And so whatever happened, happened. It all come what may. So quick that the clock was racing with my heart beat.

I should have looked at her face more often. Yeah, though it’s admittedly beautiful, I could see that I had many things to regret. It wasn’t, in fact, a perfect day because I was not perfect. But she was close to perfect. How could a girl like her would want to love a guy like me? She’s the real intepretation of Nsync’s That Girl. And she’s the Uptown Girl. I was just one regular guy, wanted to face something way above me. I lost and I was shy.

But she did say it’s OK. I was hoping she really meant it, because what would I do without her? At this moment I feel like an addict.

I am enjoying the high.

So much that I retold all of my special events in the past few weeks.

I am on the high.

I am afraid it wears off.

I am terribly afraid. But everyone takes the risk and why can’t I? Why can’t I?

I’m addicted, but I do it volunteeringly. Because the price could be my soulmate...

The Icing of the cake

All the treasure in the world is worthless, unless you have someone to share it with.

I’m back. Improved.

Hi, world. It’s been a while since I talked to you. A lot has happened, a lot has happened which I should have written here.. which I should have told you.. which I should have shared with you. But I didn’t. Why? Probably because from all those times I talked about wanting things to change, I didn’t actually do change. But now I think I find me a way to do that just so.

It is a person, a girl who goes beyond my dream, someone I never expected to know, or to touch me. Remember my last post, when I said I was doing something spontaneously? It’s only the icing of the cake. Everything happens for a reason, and there’s always these steps.. steps one must take to make sure everything goes perfectly. The steps are many... and I’ve taken quite a number only to realize that I just hit the beginning.

This is the start of a new leaf.
This is what may save my life.
She is what may save my life.

I’ll be back for an awesome entry, I’ll go way back! (“,)

(see that little thing? I had never done that before ^^)

Tuesday, July 07, 2009


Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Wow.. today I just followed my spontaneous instinct and be brave and I did something I had never done before.. and I didn't believe it (I still don't), but it turned out great! YaY! I'm so happy right now!

If there's a Like button on this message above.. I'd definitely click it! :DD XD

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Just To Be Close To You

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

This entry is inspired by the old song of Backstreet Boys. But it has more meaning than that. I write this because right now, in this moment, I'm feeling closer to one of my friends. I feel like I can share a lot of things with her. She's very kind and peaceful.

This entry is also written because I need to be closer with someone else. Someone who has abandoned me and as I abandoned her. There's perhaps no way for me to do that, but I know I will try.

This entry is at last written for a girl who makes me confused. I don't know if I can like you or not. I don't know as of this moment what my feelings for you may be, but I intend to find out, so I want to be closer to you right now. So we can get to know each other better before we make a decision.

Just to be close
Just to be close
Just to be close to you
It's all I wanna do.
Just to be close
So close
Just to be close...

Thursday, June 25, 2009


There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Confused, again. My head is being clouded by choices and consequences and I can not think straight. Should I ask her? Or should I wait? Why love is such a confusing matter to begin with. I just wanna be happy. Why things so simple can become so complicated? I just wanna be happy. Why is it so hard? Cloud. It's pretty no more.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Something Confusing

We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things got worse.

You know
, when it comes to the words "change" or "future", there are lots of possibilities one may act. One may look away and change the topic. One may get excited to indulge more in to the topic. One may silence himself at a sudden. And some may talk like the way they usually do without any awareness. I think I maybe fall in to the first and the third category.


But life hasn't turned out pretty well for me lately. Plans overthrown. Expectations tarnished. Hopes shredded apart. And Eagerness blown away. What have I done to arrive on this circumstance? Did I not try hard enough? I thought I tried hard.


But apparently it's not enough.

I plan to keep trying though. There are things in life we can't change no matter how hard we try.

I don't know what I say.

These days are hard for me.


Change is frightening. But it's what I'm desperately trying to accomplish. Why would I look for something so frightening? What's wrong with me? No wonder everything in this world seems out of place. The world is going insane. I am going insane.


Saturday, June 13, 2009

this is the post that's no fact no true no sense nothing

Nope.....u still ugly!
every once in a while there is one post you will find in this blog without punctuation and rules because in this moment i do not care but i just want to scream it out loud because every little bone and cell in my body wishes to find an explanation for all the things that have happened in my life that leads to this point of life where all things seem to diverge away from me and sideline every thing in my choice like an antigraviton which is as mysterious as the feelings of one girl itself but none in the world seems to aware of this kind of force because not all people in the world will get the effect of this thing as it ruin my life so badly that i am desperate to cling on anything i see around me like the people from the past i see every now and then they have succeeded in many many things i have not even to begin to think about yet and they all speed like the speed of light as every good thing travels faster than i do and i seem to see everything distorted and blurry and dissolved right in front of my fucking eyes then all i can do is to mope and wallow and drown in the self hating vessel of insecurities the place where all my friends and common sense tell me to stay away from but i just could not manage because i am always get sucked right back in and now i just want to jump off the bridge because nothing in this world seem sane to me as i am just too sick and tired to face all of it once again because even when i thought i have conquered it will come the things anew just to screw everything i have built and do not u care to comment this post because this is the one you should not read and i should have not written here because this is neither true nor false and it all just a frick imagination and i do not know what to do this is a dark time for me please tell me what to do but please do not tell me do not reply this do not comment this but i want to know because i am going crazy and i keep contradict myself and i just can not understand why why why why should this all be this way and i have no way to undo it please forgive this weak man and do not judge me for what i have done and will do next because you damn right i am desperate once again and i do not waant to think about tomorrow but it keeps slip right in to my head and i can not stand the thought of them together i just cant live with it IUBCWIBCIWCIWCUCNICEBCLQIBCCQCWIECBIBCIWBCBLWCLCWUCNCILNECKSFHLWWOEFHWHFLBCVSCBLABCSGCLWAHBCLWBCLWHCBLIWGECIFEHUHFWOEHOIJQIJQPWOPIJMMZMALJHDOQWDENDOIHWOEVFW98HKSJDHWNCKWEHCIWNECOWHECNWHCJWNCFJHFNNQLERCNKJCNKWJCLBYGCLWECWBCUCBIJBLISDHC;NWC;WHNWUHCUWBBWBFGWBBWFBWLBFWBWBIWLVFBEBVABVHASDGCABCABFLABLEWBVAEVEHBVEAVGAEBVALIBVLBRLAJCH,ABCJWHCIWBCIHIUVBAVAEIVAEUBVLAEVHLAEBVIAGVABDSIVIEABVIABIUEABVIAEVEABVIEIVBERV i am sorry i cant do this please forget everything you have read and dont say anything back i will delete it

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

I am

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

I am a one-way lover. Always.

I am like a nanobot: invisible, advanced, powerful, but unreal.

I am not cut out to be a leader.

I am getting fatter... :(

I am interested in astronomy, more and more lately..

I am a fan of Backstreet Boys, more now than ever.

I am circulating like a satellite, suck like a black hole, burst like Gamma Ray, and confusing like dark energy.

I am not the super one, despite my last name.

I am thinking lately, that even though what I dream can't come true... I know that some things are about to change now.. that my life is about to change.

I am not a kid anymore. I hate it.

I am not a grown up. I'm still a growing-up boy. I hate it.

I am lonely and tired, but I'm happier than I used to be.

I am wanting to change all of the above, especially the brighter ones.

I am a weird man.

I am not the man you think I am, but

I am what I am.

Saturday, June 06, 2009

The Eleventh Six

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
Whoa.. this morning, I never thought that it's already June Six again. Time flies like a speeding light, so fast that it seems instantaneous.

Like every year, Sixth of June has been a special day for me, ever since 1999, when I was real happy and in love. But there's a secret there too. Actually, the day before the Belia's Day, that is, June 5th, that was the actual day when really great things happened. So earlier, I asked myself what happened to me on June 5, this year.

Boxman walking...

Ok, yesterday. It was a great day I think, but not amazing though. Yesterday was all about watching Terminator Salvation at Sun Plaza. In the morning, Sugi and I went to Sun Plaza to buy the tickets first. You see, in Sun Plaza, you must buy the ticket for an evening show in the morning, otherwise, you wouldn't get any. The plan was to catch a show at seven thirty. There were six of us, so ironic, since today is the day of number six. But yeah, there were six of us, three guys and three girls. Exactly like Friends, except we're not funny, two of us aren't married to each other, none of us is Phoebe Buffay, and all of us are Joey Tribbiani. :P

Boxman searching for the fountain of love...

After purchasing the tickets, I went to Comic Garden, the usual place. Nothing exciting happened there, until six o'clock in the evening. Again, the reference of six.

Then Sugi, Hendry, Cia Cia, Ayen, Lia and I, we met at Sun Plaza. The movie itself was amazing. Awesome. Fantastic. Great. Cool. Mind-Blowing. Okay, there have been six adjectives I used to describe it. Again, Six. Hahaha.. Now I'm pushing it.

After the movie ended, Sugi and Hendry went away to do their own business. The girls and I had a dinner at AW. Then we parted ways. It's a nice night filled with happiness. So, at least the thing eleven years ago reoccured last night. As for today. I can only stay happy, because I know the road is still here, and the journey is still happening.

But whenever I talk about love, sometimes I feel like a box man. A man whose face is covered by a box, with two round dots and one triangle. When he talks, he's the only person who can hear them. I guess it's what I mean by soliloquizing.

Boxman soliloquizing...

But as dry as my love life can be, I still believe in love, even until now. The person I'm currently falling in love with, I think she already knew about my feelings. I have every intention to tell her about it, but time hasn't presented me the opportunities to meet her yet. But in time, I will have the chance, and by that time, I will tell her.

If all things happen as I hope, then there will be new Belia's Day. Because the happiest day of my life is yet to be discovered. So...

Boxman fighting for hope and love in this cruel world...

To Be Discovered. In the mean time, Happy Belia's Day to me! Hahahahaha.

My new picture. I figure today must at least have something new. :P


Thursday, June 04, 2009

An Unexpected Call from An Old Friend

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

I was just sitting like always in Comic Garden when my old friend from my one year life in Jakarta, Lin Erich Budianto, contacted me and told me that he's currently in Medan. It had been five years since we last met. I never thought he would come to medan. But he did, and it was a surprise for me, because when I woke up yesterday, I thought it would be a normal usual day of me hanging out in Comic Garden and downloading The Universe...

But then I had to make a choice to meet him. So I called him to arrange a meeting. We met in Sun Plaza, because it was the most common place to meet in Medan, and because he had never been there before. Hell, it was his first visit to Medan. It turned out his visit was due to his work which required him to travel. He was with a friend named Udin. I met him, and he's a cool guy.

We went to Gramedia, and Fountain. He never heard of Fountain because apparently, it only exists in Medan. There, we snapped a few pictures.


Later on, we planned to go back to their hotel, the one in Balai Kota called Inna Dharma Deli, a three star resort. I went there to copy files to and from their notebooks.. but then it's already nine thirty at night, so they suggested me to spend the night in that hotel. It was spontaneous and fun. Haha.. So I agreed and it granted us more time to spend with them. Among the things we did, there were taking advantage from the lobby's wifi, changing rooms and upgrading rooms, watching tv, sharing files, walking to Merdeka Walk which is just right in front of our hotel, buying Mc Donalds, and eating dinner at eleven o'clock in the hotel room, before going out to the lobby and facebooking again. Lolz.

Last night I couldn't sleep well because it's too cold in that hotel room. The two of them slept like a baby because they got a freakin blanket each. I on the other hand... let's just say my feet was freezingly numb. LoL.

The morning after, we went to Medan Fair in our quest to find Bika Ambon. I was their tour guide or some sort, we went ther by taxi, but went back hotel by pedicab. Hehe.. it was cheaper that way, and more traditional too. After all, both of them had never traveling by pedicab before, and now they have.

They had their final meals in Medan in Merdeka Walk, where we snapped other pictures again. Then we called for a taxi, to drive them both to the airport because their plane left that afternoon.


This experience is strange and exciting. I've got to meet my old friend again and I'm happy about it. I've got to meet a new friend named Udin, and I've got to do things more spontaneously. Things like these sometimes happen whenever an old friend of mine come to visit. Like Dabin Sutoso a few months ago. It's an adventure I'll always be eager to experience. It's nostalgic, it's memorable, and it's new.