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Saturday, October 06, 2007

God Complex


[My Bedroom, 11 pm, blackout night]

God : "I long to see the sunlight in your hair... and tell you time and time again how much I care. Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow. Hello?"

Me : [Grunts] "Who's there?"

God : "Yo! What's up! It's Me, G.

Me : "Oh God."

God : "Well, if that's what you kids are calling Me these days..."

Me : "What do you want, old man?"

God : "Hello? Excuse me? Don't you see that I'm a woman?"

Me : "I can't. It's thickly dark here, thanks to your creation. 'PLN'."

God : "Well at least you can hear my feminime voice..."

Me : "What do you want old man? I haven't got all day. I'm trying to sleep here."

God : "Don't do that. Don't call me old man, please."

Me : "Then why did you sound like one?"

God : [Stomps the floor with one leg and vanishes.]

Scene One

[On top of Smashie, on my way to the city.]

God : [Apparates suddenly] "Hello, you."

Me : "Hey, what's up, Goddie?"

God : "I'm very fine, thank you. But you don't seem very fine yourself."

Me : "I don't know. You're the God."

God : "I am indeed."

Me : "So what do you want now?"

God : "I just wanna talk to you. We haven't chatted in a while now, have we? You've never called, you've never written, you've never even been mad at me... bottom line is you never pray anymore."

Me : "What can I say, I don't believe in you anymore."

God : "But why, my son?"

Me : "I don't know... maybe because you don't exist?"

God : "Hello??? I am sitting behind you right now."

Me : "You aren't real, and even if you are, you are not doing a very good job."

God : "Aren't I?"

Me : "And people only need you because they need something to be an answer to all the questions they can't solve."

God : "Is that all I am? An Answer?"

Me : "For me, you're not. Actually, You're nothing to me.."

God : "If we can just put that aside for a moment... I wanna chat with you about your wedding day."

Me : "What? Now? I'm driving right now. Can't you at least find a better time?"

God : "Sure. As you should know, God is very patient. Cya pal." [Disappearing]

Me : "And I just said no to God." [chuckling]

Scene Two

[My bathroom, me taking a dump, poop-pooing, 2⅓ pm local time]

God : [materialized abruptly] "Boo! How you're doing?"

Me : "HOLY SHI.."

God : [calmly] "Please don't finish that sentence."

Me : [frustratedly] "Please don't show up like this."

God : [still calmly] "What? You said you couldn't speak while driving. Now you are not driving."

Me : "Oh right. I am not driving. It's a perfect time by the way. Keep looking up!"

God : [looking down] "Oh sweet Moses!"

Me : "What do you want now?"

God : "Our little chat of course... about..."

Me and God : "What myour wedding will be like."

Me : "Why do you want me to imagine it? You can bend space and time, why don't you Hiro-Nakamura yourself in to the future and then tell me who I'll be marrying."

God : "No.. no... no.. I want to hear you looking in to the future. You have been living in such a mess these past few months."

Me : "So you're here to console me huh? Hm.. that's new."

God : "If you pray for a happiness... would God give you the happiness or the chance to be happy? If you ask for a million dollars, would God give you the money or the..."

Me : [interrupting] "Oh stop quoting Evan Almighty!"

God : "I was not! Ugh. I hate that movie. They stole my "G" nickname and I was a black old man." [looking morose] "Anyway, about your wedding. Where will the ceremony be held?"

Me : "Hm.. I am thinking ... a silent peaceful windy green hill would do."

God : "Nice one there."

Me : "Thanks G."

God : "Wow, you called me by my nickname. How deeply touched I am. How very proud I am of you."

Me : "Yeah, right. I'll be expecting the call from the President any minute now."

God : "Er... well. When your bride-to-be is walking down the aisle, what music would you like to play?"

Me : "You know, I've thought about it... and I think it's either the chorus of Canon in D or the chorus of Speeding Cars."

God : "Really? Canon is casual, yet a romantic choice. Speeding Cars? Are you sure?"

Me : "Yeah. I know what you're thinking. I just want the sensation to be like the graduating moment in The O.C. which was fabulous... unforgettable. Then again, I don't want the first sentence of my wedding day music to be :

Here's the day you hoped would never come...

you know what I mean, right?"

God : "Yeah. Yeah. Sure. It's probably better than Gloria Gaynor's 'First I was afraid... I was petrified...' though."

Me : "Aha.. that's probably right."

God : "Will you sing in front of all of your invited-friends and your soon-to-be-wife?"

Me : "The hell I will."

God : "What song? What song? It's Raining Men?"

Me : [glance viciously at G] "Who do you think I am? Jack McFarland from Will and Grace?"

God : "Hahaha.. No no no.. but now as you said it.. I remember that line from the show that cracked me up."

JACK: You don't even know me that well. Why would you just assume that I was gay? [EVERYONE LAUGHS] Are you finished? Ok. FYI, folks, most people that meet me do not know that I am gay.

WILL: Jack, blind and deaf people know you're gay. Dead people know you're gay.


WILL: Grace? Did you and Danny have a fight?

GRACE: Yeah, but I-- I don't want to talk about it right now. I can't even think straight.

WILL: That's funny. Neither can Jack.

JACK: Grace, did you know I was gay when you met me?

GRACE: My dog knew.

Me : "Oh yeah. That's a good one."

God : "So... what will you sing?"

Me : "Hm.. I think I'll open by This I promise you, the masterpiece of Richard Marx."

God : "Wow that's great. Oh Oh...! Will you grab your wife's hand when it reaches to 'And I will take you in my arms... and hold you right where you belong...' ?"

Me : "Sure. Why not. I will even go down to fetch her."

God : "Awwww..."

Me : "Shut up! My next song will be Marc Antony's My Baby You."

God : "That one? I cried for an hour after listening to that song. It's so sad."

Me : "No.. no... It's a beautifully-written love song. At the end of the song, I will say "Ariana I feel so alive..." and put my wife's name instead of Ariana... except if I really marry an Ariana."

God : "Oh.. She's not going to be Ariana. She's someone else."

Me : "Okay then. You're the Hiro. Who's it? Cy?"

God : "It's possible. Do you really wanna know?"

Me : "I.. I don't... I... Stop psychoanalyzing me! And I'm pooping stuffs right now... "

God : "Ok.. ok.. I got it. I am very much of a mind reader too, you know?"

Me : "What? You pulled a Matt-Parkman on me?"

God : "Hehe.. No.. Maybe... "

Me : "Okay then. What do you think of my wedding day? Is it special?"

God : " ... '.... the most mind-triumphing extravaganza-ish wedding party the world has ever seen in a decade...' --- N.Y. Times review. "

Me : "Seriously?"

God : "Haha. No." [disappears at once]

Me : "Just when I thought lying is against the law."


[Neverland, computer 12, 7.37 p.m.]

God : "It's a good thing Blogger autosaved this all when it happened huh?"

Me : "Yeah, thanks to them I didn't have to write everything all over again because some stupid blackouts."

God : "Why are you writing all the things I've said to you?"

Me : "I don't know... just so people around the world know that I'm OK."

God : "Are you, now?"

Me : [long pause] "Like what J.K. Rowling said, All was well...

... until you came along."



  1. ciehh.. bagus lor...salute. Tapi apa la u tiba2 ama GOD.. mangnya lu da percaya ma ie ya.. nyahahaha~

  2. gak percaya lar... itu kan soliloquy ama god. keknya wa terlalu banyak mikir dan lagi gila sitcom neh... hikz hikz..

    good luck on your workdays.. new job.. capek kan? kekekeke

  3. iya.. banyak kali yg ide2nya ke sitkom2an .. Btw.. sitkom itu apa seh.. hahahaha jk jk