God Complex

Prologue

[My Bedroom, 11 pm, blackout night]

God : "I long to see the sunlight in your hair... and tell you time and time again how much I care. Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow. Hello?"


Me : [Grunts] "Who's there?"

God : "Yo! What's up! It's Me, G.

Me : "Oh God."

God : "Well, if that's what you kids are calling Me these days..."

Me : "What do you want, old man?"

God : "Hello? Excuse me? Don't you see that I'm a woman?"

Me : "I can't. It's thickly dark here, thanks to your creation. 'PLN'."

God : "Well at least you can hear my feminime voice..."

Me : "What do you want old man? I haven't got all day. I'm trying to sleep here."

God : "Don't do that. Don't call me old man, please."

Me : "Then why did you sound like one?"

God : [Stomps the floor with one leg and vanishes.]


Scene One

[On top of Smashie, on my way to the city.]

God : [Apparates suddenly] "Hello, you."

Me : "Hey, what's up, Goddie?"

God : "I'm very fine, thank you. But you don't seem very fine yourself."

Me : "I don't know. You're the God."

God : "I am indeed."

Me : "So what do you want now?"

God : "I just wanna talk to you. We haven't chatted in a while now, have we? You've never called, you've never written, you've never even been mad at me... bottom line is you never pray anymore."

Me : "What can I say, I don't believe in you anymore."

God : "But why, my son?"

Me : "I don't know... maybe because you don't exist?"

God : "Hello??? I am sitting behind you right now."

Me : "You aren't real, and even if you are, you are not doing a very good job."

God : "Aren't I?"

Me : "And people only need you because they need something to be an answer to all the questions they can't solve."

God : "Is that all I am? An Answer?"

Me : "For me, you're not. Actually, You're nothing to me.."

God : "If we can just put that aside for a moment... I wanna chat with you about your wedding day."

Me : "What? Now? I'm driving right now. Can't you at least find a better time?"

God : "Sure. As you should know, God is very patient. Cya pal." [Disappearing]

Me : "And I just said no to God." [chuckling]



Scene Two

[My bathroom, me taking a dump, poop-pooing, 2⅓ pm local time]


God : [materialized abruptly] "Boo! How you're doing?"

Me : "HOLY SHI.."

God : [calmly] "Please don't finish that sentence."

Me : [frustratedly] "Please don't show up like this."

God : [still calmly] "What? You said you couldn't speak while driving. Now you are not driving."

Me : "Oh right. I am not driving. It's a perfect time by the way. Keep looking up!"

God : [looking down] "Oh sweet Moses!"

Me : "What do you want now?"

God : "Our little chat of course... about..."

Me and God : "What myour wedding will be like."

Me : "Why do you want me to imagine it? You can bend space and time, why don't you Hiro-Nakamura yourself in to the future and then tell me who I'll be marrying."

God : "No.. no... no.. I want to hear you looking in to the future. You have been living in such a mess these past few months."

Me : "So you're here to console me huh? Hm.. that's new."

God : "If you pray for a happiness... would God give you the happiness or the chance to be happy? If you ask for a million dollars, would God give you the money or the..."

Me : [interrupting] "Oh stop quoting Evan Almighty!"

God : "I was not! Ugh. I hate that movie. They stole my "G" nickname and I was a black old man." [looking morose] "Anyway, about your wedding. Where will the ceremony be held?"

Me : "Hm.. I am thinking ... a silent peaceful windy green hill would do."

God : "Nice one there."

Me : "Thanks G."

God : "Wow, you called me by my nickname. How deeply touched I am. How very proud I am of you."

Me : "Yeah, right. I'll be expecting the call from the President any minute now."

God : "Er... well. When your bride-to-be is walking down the aisle, what music would you like to play?"

Me : "You know, I've thought about it... and I think it's either the chorus of Canon in D or the chorus of Speeding Cars."

God : "Really? Canon is casual, yet a romantic choice. Speeding Cars? Are you sure?"

Me : "Yeah. I know what you're thinking. I just want the sensation to be like the graduating moment in The O.C. which was fabulous... unforgettable. Then again, I don't want the first sentence of my wedding day music to be :

Here's the day you hoped would never come...

you know what I mean, right?"

God : "Yeah. Yeah. Sure. It's probably better than Gloria Gaynor's 'First I was afraid... I was petrified...' though."

Me : "Aha.. that's probably right."

God : "Will you sing in front of all of your invited-friends and your soon-to-be-wife?"

Me : "The hell I will."

God : "What song? What song? It's Raining Men?"

Me : [glance viciously at G] "Who do you think I am? Jack McFarland from Will and Grace?"

God : "Hahaha.. No no no.. but now as you said it.. I remember that line from the show that cracked me up."

JACK: You don't even know me that well. Why would you just assume that I was gay? [EVERYONE LAUGHS] Are you finished? Ok. FYI, folks, most people that meet me do not know that I am gay.

WILL: Jack, blind and deaf people know you're gay. Dead people know you're gay.

GRACE: [ENTERING] I'm fine.

WILL: Grace? Did you and Danny have a fight?

GRACE: Yeah, but I-- I don't want to talk about it right now. I can't even think straight.

WILL: That's funny. Neither can Jack.

JACK: Grace, did you know I was gay when you met me?

GRACE: My dog knew.

Me : "Oh yeah. That's a good one."

God : "So... what will you sing?"

Me : "Hm.. I think I'll open by This I promise you, the masterpiece of Richard Marx."

God : "Wow that's great. Oh Oh...! Will you grab your wife's hand when it reaches to 'And I will take you in my arms... and hold you right where you belong...' ?"

Me : "Sure. Why not. I will even go down to fetch her."

God : "Awwww..."

Me : "Shut up! My next song will be Marc Antony's My Baby You."

God : "That one? I cried for an hour after listening to that song. It's so sad."

Me : "No.. no... It's a beautifully-written love song. At the end of the song, I will say "Ariana I feel so alive..." and put my wife's name instead of Ariana... except if I really marry an Ariana."

God : "Oh.. She's not going to be Ariana. She's someone else."

Me : "Okay then. You're the Hiro. Who's it? Cy?"

God : "It's possible. Do you really wanna know?"

Me : "I.. I don't... I... Stop psychoanalyzing me! And I'm pooping stuffs right now... "

God : "Ok.. ok.. I got it. I am very much of a mind reader too, you know?"

Me : "What? You pulled a Matt-Parkman on me?"

God : "Hehe.. No.. Maybe... "

Me : "Okay then. What do you think of my wedding day? Is it special?"

God : " ... '.... the most mind-triumphing extravaganza-ish wedding party the world has ever seen in a decade...' --- N.Y. Times review. "

Me : "Seriously?"

God : "Haha. No." [disappears at once]

Me : "Just when I thought lying is against the law."


Epilogue

[Neverland, computer 12, 7.37 p.m.]

God : "It's a good thing Blogger autosaved this all when it happened huh?"

Me : "Yeah, thanks to them I didn't have to write everything all over again because some stupid blackouts."

God : "Why are you writing all the things I've said to you?"

Me : "I don't know... just so people around the world know that I'm OK."

God : "Are you, now?"

Me : [long pause] "Like what J.K. Rowling said, All was well...














... until you came along."

--o0O0o--