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Wednesday, April 30, 2008


Wouldn't it be cool, being invisible?

Nobody could see you.

You could do whatever you want to do.

You could walk naked and nobody would look at you.

You could stalk people without they knowing. Hell you'd be the greatest stalker in the world.

You could sneak in to people's house, your friends', your enemies', your girlfriend's.

You could find out other people's deepest secrets. Privacy would be an illusion.

You could play with them, scare them, or even terrorize them.

You could be rich. You could steal money. Hell, you could steal anything.

You could enter whatever building you want to. You could go to a concert or a cinema or
anywhere without paying.

You could make anyone yours.

You could have anything you want. Seriously, think about it.

You could be a GOD in your own little world.

The bottom line is, you could do whatever you want to do.

Nobody could see you.

Wouldn't it be cool, being invisible?


A picture of invisible ghost in Sun Plaza's men's RestRoom, level 4, just outside the 21 Cinema.

Real or photoshopped , it's your own decision. I, personally, don't believe it for a second.


But how would it be, being invisible?

You would be living all alone in the crowd that is world.

You would be feeling cold as clothes make you "visible".

You would have to be very careful when you're walking as everybody else wouldn't see you coming.

You would be ignored for the rest of your lives.

You would be forgotten by the people you care for.

You would be very secretive about your condition. You wouldn't want people to "find out".

You would be terminated by the government, hated or killed by other people who are either scared or jealous of you.

You would have no one to trust you since you could know everybody's secrets.

You would be a God. That should suck.

No one would talk you back.

No one could see you.

Would it still be cool, now, being invisible?

These great picture I found on Flickr, here.


If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room

If I was invisible
I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I can just tell you where I stand
If I was invisible
Wait.. I already am.

(Invisible - Clay Aiken)

Monday, April 28, 2008

First K2 Experience

Responding to my own words from my last entry, I am trying to live life more freely and happily as I venture in to the life I was once too reluctant to enjoy. Last night could not be better. I think after all this time of lamenting about sadness and loneliness, it's about time I changed my pace, and really enjoyed something I deserved, laughing.

I think I haven't ever laughed this hard since ... I don't know ... the midnight of 22th October 2001, or since the time Jimmy Handoko slammed himself into a mirror-wall inside the mirror house in Dufan Jakarta in 2003. I haven't had so much fun, being with new and old friends doing the things I really like.

I really like singing, and for that, I've always wanted to go to a karaoke place to sing my voice out. I never really had the chance either because of the lack of friends I had, or because of my usual friends didn't really like singing as much as I did.

But now, I feel so lucky as I have the opportunity to be with people who like what I like, and have the same taste in music as I do, though sometimes not completely the same, but that's no problem at all.

So last night me and one of my oldest friend, Riwan, who had been a friend of mine since Elementary freaking School, we planned to see a circus in Griya. The Circus was from Taman Safari, Jakarta, and they're in town for a couple of weeks. I figured, it's a new thing for me to do, because the last time I remember ever going to a circus is when I was still 5 or 6 years old, with my parents, I have barely remembered any of it. So what the hell. "I'm going to the circus!"

But then, my other childhood friends, Michael and Willy, they were (being an ass) backing out of seeing this whole circus for going to karaoke with a girl named Lina.

I was like disappointed, not only because two of our gangs backed out, but also because I've been wanting to go to karaoke since like, ever, and then I couldn't go with them since I've promised Riwan and Darta and Cia Cia and the other.

But to cut the long complicated story, we ended up going to Karaoke all together. It was mostly because Cia Cia said that the Rp.60000,-/person ticket was just not worth the show. So we organized to meet and gather in K2, the one place to sing at Mutatuli. It was a long process since everyone had their own problems, and the usual "rubber-time" style of Medan people didn't help much either.

But in the end, we managed to settle ourselves at K2 at seven o'clock, that's when the party started.

I Met Lina, Yen Yen and Yenni for the first time and they all seemed very nice and joyful. IMO, Lina was a person of know-it-all. She's like the Hermione of Melodies. She knows A LOT of songs (probably almost as many as I do ^^) and she was so much fun to talk to. Yen Yen was the quieter girl, but she was ready to sing as much as I did. I knew because we dueted for like three songs, including Linkin' Park's "In The End"! Hah! And Yenni was like a big smile. She and Cia Cia were like the engines of the night, laughing and singing.

The whole group was a blast of fun. When the chorus of Ronan Keating's "When You Say Nothing At All" was playing, despite there are only two microphones, the nine of us were singing the damn song together!

After singing for three straight hours, having my voice all dried out three times, after singing songs from Mandarin's Andy Lau music to Kong Hu's "Hau Sin Fen Shou", to Indonesian's "Teman Tapi Mesra", to Hokkienese "Sui Ca Bo", and to Western "All Rise" and "When You Believe", we, heavy-heartedly, eventually, called it a night, but not before we took a few pictures together and close it with a danceful "Let's dance Together".


Click to enlarge, though I'd rather you don't, because the second picture had my face all ugly and distorted. HoHo


All that I knew, at the times I was really enjoying myself, I said to myself, "So this is what it feels like to beat down loneliness, kick its ass and kiss it goodbye."


Cause I don't want to be lonely no more
I don't want to feel empty no more
Only you could unbreak this heartache I've carried around
Don't wanna be lonely no more, no more

(Clay Aiken - Lonely No More)

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Lost in Transition

Hello World.

I can't believe it has been one month already since the last time I write anything in here. I missed blogging so much that my stomach hurt everytime I think about things I should have posted but I didn't. As to why, I think I'm trying to answer it in this entry.

I was working so much lately, since it was the time of big exams for my students, the busiest time of the year. And yet I was having more work than usual because I accepted a request from my old students to have me teach them substitutionally. Their teacher had got a Hepatitis and they were left with no teacher as the exam days drew closer. So I helped them, despite my self-commitment to not working until later than eight. But I did take the job, for the last month, I went home at 10 pm every night.

The impact of working so late and so much is that I can't have a life other than work. I don't like teaching very much, frankly speaking. That's why I already quited that late job and I am planning to quit the teaching job all together.

My job is like a gigantic trap. It pays better than any other job I may have, but I have to sacrifice my life, my friends, even my love life. I used to do that.

Now I can't do it anymore.

I'm through letting my work in the way of finding my own future, my own happiness, and my own love life. I want to have fun, and in order to do that, I only have to do one thing. Quit my job.

The problem is I haven't find a new job, since working in an office doesn't really suit me, plus it has little salary. I can't be a salesman or working in any marketing or insurance company because I don't really talk well with stranger. I'm a shy person, see. I'm not proud of it, but it's who I am and it's the fact.

The other things I like doing is working in any aspect related to dancing, multimedia, or writing. But I still can't find jobs in those particular categories. Before I get a new one, I think it's better to stick with teaching, or SHOULD I?

But that's all about my working dilemma. It has prevented me from updating my blog lately, and I'm sorry for that. But now I am freer, and I have a lot of talking to do.

I'm in the phase of evaluating myself these days. Yesterday, for example. I did something I usually don't do. I hung out with old friends and meeting new ladies friends. I think it's time for me to move on, and find a new form of happiness, instead of dwelling in loneliness when I know it can eat me from inside.

Last night, My friend Michael introduced me to three of his friends, Cia Cia, Vina, and Cory. It's a new feeling for me to just go out and meet strangers, talk about I-don't-know-what, get personal information out of them. It felt weird. But Hell, I have to keep up. I need to keep up.

It only needed a couple minutes to make me realize that I was socially retarded.

I guess I've been out of practice. As awkward as it went, I felt much better and I hope I could meet them or other different strangers in the future. I figure, all I really need all this time is companionship. I need a friend.

Perhaps, as you're reading this, World, you may get a new idea of me. I am more optimistic than I was before, with all that loneliness and self-loathing. I think you're right. I think it's no use of me feeling hopeless and desperate all the time. But now I get it. I can be desperate but not hopeless. I try to be not pessimistic anymore. But relax, this blog will always contain my desperations. Hehehe..

What could possibly change my long-lonely-self-loathing-excruciation and turn it 180 degrees? I would say that it's because I felt too miserable in the past month that I had no friends to talk to, no happiness to enjoy, and no hope to cling to. But I think the most crucial factor of this transition phase is this movie :

Everyone wants to be found

A little synopsis for this movie. This masterpiece of Sofia Coppola tells very much about loneliness and why it is so painful. When I was watching this movie, I could really understand how it felt when the Actor Bob Harris was alone in Japan, doing work he didn't really love. He had no one. His job sucked. He needed someone badly. And that's where Charlotte came in. She was a lonely girl as well, living in a life of no goals, not knowing what she must do. She was in Japan only to tag along his hyperworkaholic husband. When the two met with each other, they found each other. A huge friendship occurred between them. Some might find it unique and strange, how a 40 years old guy could hang out with a 20 years old woman. But I get it.

Both Bob ad Charlotte's lives have a big similarities with mine. Especially Charlotte, whose life is leading to who knows where. I really feel for this movie. I am not at all surprise to learn that it got an Academy Award, three Golden Globes, and three BAFTAs.

But there's more of this film than the resemblances with my life. I really love and can't get enough of Scarlett Johansson since I saw her as Charlotte. She was just TOO GORGEOUS there. She's like the perfect form of girl I would fall in love with.

Her hair, Her eyes, Her body, Her everything matched up. It seems like I have to rewrite my TOP TEN MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN because someone has climbed up to the top. When I get a chance, I will post the list on this blog. Hehe.

But now, I will use this post to cherish just how beautiful Charlotte is for me. [Big He He]

Beautiful Girl, Unlikely Couple, Neat Wig

A great shot of Scarlett.

You know, before I watched this movie, I like Scarlett because she is gracefully graceful, but MAN, after seeing her in Lost in Translation, I gotta say, ... MAN!

A perfect Girl smokes... I never thought smoking is this sexy before.

More of her...

Perfect girl.

Dream girl.


Urrgh. So cute.


Man, I just can't get enough of her.

The last picture is from the final scene, the one which actually wasn't in the script. It was when Bob saw Charlotte before his flight back to his "real life", when he whispered things in Charlotte's ears, something that Sofia and the actors didn't want us to know what was whispered, something that led us to an ambiguous ending, but yet, classy and perfect. This movie is sad and sweet at the same time. UPDATE : I've posted the secret whisper revealed (18/06/2008)

The truth is Charlotte resembles someone in my life very much. I am talking about her looks only. Ah, but that's all in the past, isn't it?

As cheesy as it may sound, I think this movie has helped me with my life. And for that, I have promised myself to never ever forget this movie and what it has made of me.


Let's see the trailer.