Cyber L : Promise. Will it be?

The Cyber Life, it can give you a cyber friend, a cyber enemy, or a cyber love.

I used to believe any kind of relationship between anykind of two people in any circumstances, is real. You can count on it to really happen in your real life, because it is a real life, no matter how cyber-ish it is. A friend from cyber world is a real friend. A crush from cyber world has a great opportunity to materialize in the real life. I used to believe that everything will work its way out. Because it has to. They are two different but well linked with each other. I used to believe that cyber love is a real love you can count on. I don't think I do anymore.

However hard I've tried, whatever way I choose to turn it back, I can't help myself but to think my cyber life has been only cyber... after all. It's not real.

Since a long time ago, I've found many people thru the cyber life, the internet. They've all got their own uniqueness. They were all special and changed my life in some ways I never guessed would be. There were NV, Arion, and Cy. But the greatest effects -- and by far the cruelest -- is Cy.

I met Cy a few years back. She was amazingly unique and she's a whole person. At first I didn't pay her much attention, because I was so lost for someone back then. Someone in my real life. That someone didn't work out. Though that someone lived in the real world, but I knew that hers was a very different world than mine. That's when I used some almost-stranger Cy to distract me, as a rebound or something. Quite successful. I was distracted. Instead, I learnt about her life and more about mine. What's more was our seemingly connected life. It was weird but was felt real.

Then I started to obsess with her. Began to be more active in my cyber life, now that it could bring me some happiness I couldn't find elsewhere.

I was deeply infatuated. I did all the things that would connect me to her even more. I used her as a tool to gain happiness and relieve. I adored her and began to put hope of myself on her. But sometimes when I knew that it was all inside a computer, that all of it was written and said over a monitor, I realized something. That even this was far more worse than "that someone" before. This had no future whatsoever. Was it? No, I didn't think so, since she and I lived with a very wide distant between us. But I chose to ignore it. I wouldn't want my flame of hope to extinguish. Not yet.

But then, life happened. Coincidence mattered. I couldn't be happier. Finally, after a long time waiting for the impossible to happen, I could melt the wall between us and turn the 'cyber' curse into a real life opportunity. There was finally a possibility--though very slight, that she and I could be together.

That's when Cy changed.

There is something I don't understand about her. And that something makes me unable to be there for her. That something draws us apart. We can't be together. Not now. I confused and disappointed.

Does cyber love always stay cyber? Can't it be brought to my real life. Can't I live my cyber life, and just that? Perhaps I was wrong to believe. Perhaps all the things I've felt and gone thru was a disguise, a lie, or perhaps she's only a masquerader to fulfill my semi-hope which was, hopeless in the end.

or perhaps she's goddamn real and she just doesn't want me. Yeah. That's probably it. I mean, look at me. The story of my life. Haven't I lived a true life before? Where all the challenges and excitements do happen in my dear life?

No, they don't. They never happen. So why should this?

Today I listen to a song which is full of hope. This song touches me, breaks my heart when I see how it resembles this case. Though I can't say it to you clearly and openly, I hope this cryptic entry changes something. Perhaps when a miracle caress your shoulder and point your eyes on to this... you shall know... this ... this thing I can't say. This impossible thing about you and me, Cy.

When you're close to tears remember

Some day it'll all be over

One day 'we're gonna get so high

And though it's darker than December

What's ahead is a different colour

One day 'we're gonna get so high

I still believe in us, Cy. And I do believe in this song...

Don't you think it's time you started

Doing what we always wanted

One day 'we're gonna get so high

'Cause even the impossible is easy

When we got each other

One day 'we're gonna get so high

And at...

The end of the day

We'll remember the days

We were close to the edge

And we'll wonder how we made it through

And at...

The end of the day

We'll remember the way

We stayed so close to till the end

We'll remember it was me and you

'Cause we are gonna be forever you and me

You will always keep me flying high in the sky of love

I hold the cyber life inside of me, why do you hold the real one?