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Thursday, May 24, 2007

A Better Life, pathetic?

Never in my life, before, I imagined my life could be more inadequate. I had always thought it'd be more steady and normal. Far more happy than I am now. Today I feel so poor. If there was someone invisible following me this entire day, my life would be such a laughable joke to him. I never intended a life like this, but I couldn't help it and I...

I have tried my best to enjoy what's seemed to be my life. I have no regrets, at least no more regrets than after I surfed my friends' life over the internet. It was such a disturbing highlight of pictures and moments before me. Ones I've missed.

Have I done enough? Have I tried this and that? Have I experienced these and those? Well, the truth is.. I haven't. None of them. Zero. Nil. Null. Tada. Damn.

I have lost so much time and moments of my life, as if I was abducted in the cruelest way someone could never imagined. That, I never thought I am living it.

Oh how I wish for a better life. To start over and to do it over again. Somewhere new and somewhere far away. And in that parallel life, I have money and friends. I meet my soul mate and she's perfect. If the reality can't hold such a lie, then I shall make it on my own. Sneak the ef to make a lie, a life.

I am sitting alone in a comfortable small blue couch, gazing through the glassy walls and beyond. I am not feeling lonely, though, since I am waiting for my incoming soulmate, Seraphina. She's a better version than Cy. A more understanding one.

She knocks at my door and I let her in. Her smile is so a sight for a sore eyes. I love her and she loves me. I grab her hand and she puts hers around my neck. We walk together, holding hands, and sit down. The air is so warm and peaceful.

We are planning to climb a mountain, so she starts to pack and find a lot of things and puts them on my bag. I tell her to include flashlights and batteries as well. She nods and laughs at me and mutters sweetly about an impossible thing to forget. I didn't really listen to her because my mind is thanking the God for what a beautiful life He have given me. Oh yeah, I do believe in God.

A few days later, we arrive at our friends' house. Sarah and Peter. Both of them has just been attending their convocations earlier that day. They have been a couple for God, how can I remember. I remember the time when Sarah and Sera got locked in a hotel room with no way out. Cellphones are dead, and they barely had enough air energy to shout our name. Meanwhile, Peter and I (who by the way, have been bestfriends since we founded our little Group el_se7en in highschool) are both on the Fun Land looking for our girls. And we ended up riding the rollercoaster twelve times before we recalled what our real plan to the FunLand was. We found the girls back in out rooms, where they have lain to sleep. I kiss Sera on her forehead. She woke up and smiled at me, one thing I will not remember for the rest of my life...

My twenty minutes is up. I have no time and have to be back to my nightmare. Please help me.


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