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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Inside my mind [PART TWO]

Now is the night of the day I write my previous post “Boring”. It’s 10 p.m. at night. I have just got back from work. Since today, I’ve learn a lot of things on my mind. Thru all the boringness I saw and felt, after this day I have had, I can now see how my mind is supposed to think. My mind is beginning to understand my life, the way it’s leading me.

Hi, my name is Bambang Superwan. I am a soliloquist, who talks to himself at all times, whose mind is constantly muttering and whose half of his soliloquies are being blogged in here. And this, is inside the mind of a soliloquist.

I wonder why I hadn’t realized this any sooner. My life is always divided in to pieces, the ones I love to call—chapters. I have chapters of chapters all my life. I’ve lived all of it. I have several chapters of my childhood, some quite impressive chapters of Junior High, some embarrassing chapters of another Junior High time, some memorable chapters from my High School, one Chapter of my college life, one chapter of my returning love life from high school, several chapters of my capricious soulmate, and many and many chapters of my friendships’ stories.

If I dare to count how many chapters are already there, I’m afraid my whole life could become a seriously thick novel which could make both Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and the Encyclopedia a thin slim novel. And I’m only twenty one.

Recently, and what I mean by recently is really recently—like about a few hours before this… I was visiting a good friend of mine whom I won’t be having any chance to see anymore for he will go back to his real town. I know that you know who you are as I am writing this, but I also know that you will never read this shit anyway, so it’ll be no reason to not write your name or to write it or to mention you at all. Anyway, screw that. Just read this IF you step a miracle and happen to find this page accidentally.

After leaving him, I guess it hit me quite clear. Not to add, today I also learned that one of my long lost not-so-close-friend’s mom had passed away. May she rest in peace, in Heaven or whatever land she wishes to be. It kinda brought back memories of me having to deal with bad news in my past chapter. The very one I will never forget. That plane crash thing. This made me realize at first. Realized about the chapters pattern. I should have known that for a long time now. And more, at that precise time, I assume that one of my current chapter had also come to an end. With a lot of finale things happening, I couldn’t beg to differ.

But then I thought of it real long……… Is it?
Is this the end of this current chapter? If that, what’s this current chapter all about? Welcoming old friends? Facing boredoms? Expecting something extraordinary? That’s what I do. That’s what I ALWAYS do. I never stop welcoming old friends. I love my friends. I love facing boredoms and defeating loneliness. Though I can’t say I always win, but I love expecting new things around here. Well, does that mean I love my life?

Then no. This is NOT the end of current chapter. This is still the middle of it. Well done Bambang Superwan, you have officially understood how your life really goes, you have officially congratulated yourself for being officially understanding yourself, and well done to you Mr. Soliloquist—or whatever the hell you’re calling yourself, you have officially written a strange blog for a change, and no one shall deeply truly understand what this post is really about. Coz face it, Nobody in this world, other than you yourself, have ever heard or known about those chapters. What can I say? I admit that that’s true. But let me tell you something, you might not know what’s in my past chapters because believe me, it’s a fat chance I’ll write them in here. But you have read all this above, and if you trust me, YOU are included in this current chapter of mine. You are in the middle of my life. Hang in there!

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