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Sunday, April 08, 2007


What happen when the greatest actor ever role in the best movie script which was inspired by an amazing real life story?

Well, you’d get the greatest movie ever.

If you have watched The Pursuit of Happyness and read my previous post, you will possibly notice two things :

1. That my title there—Happyness, wasn’t incorrectly spelled, and that I mistyped it a few days ago.

2. That you know what I’m talking about.

Click to view movie's page

Even before I watched this movie, I had already thought a lot about my happiness—or happyness, whatever. People define and redefine the word very often. Every now and then, people say, “Hey, I’m happy!” ; “I’ve never been happier.” ; or “This is the happiest day of my life.” but that’s the only word to describe their feelings at the very moment, isn’t it?

Well, I’m talking about a constant happiness, the one when you have it, you will have it for good. Does that thing even exist?

The Happiness described in Chris Gardner’s life was an all time one. It was a very difficult happiness. Chris Gardner even had to struggle for it. One hell of a struggle. He had to experience jail time, had to lose his wife, lose his house, had to live in a church, or inside subway’s toilet room, had to pay $600 of taxes when he only owned $23 left on his account, had to lose his friend over $14, had to chase several people for stealing his scanners—which he was intending to get rid of, had to be a bitch during his no-salary-internship but have no time to bitch about it, had to run away from a taxi driver for not being able to pay the fare, and the worst of it was that he had a child to take care of.

But when he finally got it, the job, the goal, the hope for a steady life, it was the happyness I’m talking about.

Being Happy is not made for me. But yet I’ve searched and searched for it, hoping that it would visit me eventually, and then stay for a little while.

My idea of happiness is having a great job, one that I love for sure, and having someone there by my side loving me even at my worst. In this realistic world, happiness is a vague thing to find. Formless and indistinct, it is sealed tidily beneath one thousand of silver silk lines, having disguised indistinguishably.

If you wish to find it, somehow, you must have a key—a key of knowledge of what it is and where it’s well hidden. Chris knew the key, or he thought he did. It was the internship. But even if he had only a tiny piece of hope, he held on to it. The odd of him being selected as the apprentice was even slimmer each day, but he held on to it. From the twenty interns applied, only one was chosen. And with Chris situation at that moment, it was almost impossible. But he made it, when his chance was even lower than 2%.

How the hell could a man succeed with those possibilities? Call me a pessimist, but if it is lower than 2%, that means over 98% are failures.

That means 98 people fail out of 100. There were 19 people failed the internship. Chris was the winner, so his story was being told. It was great and all. But please, wake up! This is the real world. Where are the other 98 stories?

This is one of the 98.

I define happiness as this.

A state of being permanently contented, a state of having everything in order, a time when all troubles omitted, a place where all the sorrow has been lifted off, and a moment when all this above really happen once and for all.

Yeah, I agree with you. Almost unattainable, isn’t it? So why bother?

Because believe it or not, we all think that we have the key.

Which Way?

I may not aware of my key. But I do know what I want. A few days ago, I accidentally listened to this song, and its lyrics surprised me whimsically—or what’s the right word for this…? Ah ya—capriciously.

Come on hold my hand
I wanna contact the living

I wanna feel the warmth of you, I wanna feel accompanied. I wanna feel safe and not alone.

I sit and talk to god
but he just laughs at my plans
my head speaks some language
I don’t understand

But I don’t know how to do that. I don’t see myself in the right path. I can not translate the language and not any gods going to help me.

I just wanna feel
real love
feel the home that I live in

Again, the warmth, the love, the happy place. It’s all come down to one thing. Hope.

cuz I’ve got too much life
running through my veins
to waste

That is probably the reason why we—I keep searching for our each happiness.

I don’t wanna die
but I ain’t keen on living either
scared myself to death
that’s why I keep on running

I don't wanna die, but I ain't keen on living either

Have you ever lost faith of who you are and what you’re here for? That you don’t belong to the world? —impersonating Will Smith : “That part of my life, is called, Everyday.”

I just wanna feel
real love
feel the love that I live in
I got too much love
running through my veins
to go to waste

So I have to find myself a key, huh? That simple? So you know, when there’s someone around me who says, “Happiness is just around the corner.”…

I just wanna feel
real love and the love ever after
there’s a hole in my soul
you can see it in my face
it’s a real big place

I cannot give it up.

… I’d ask, “Which corner?”


  1. Bang.. I wan to watch that movie too.. but no one wants to accompany me.. huhu..


    *disapparated ke toilet*