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Thursday, December 31, 2009

Only New, No Old

Hope is a dangerous thing. Love is even more dangerous.

Happy New Year!

How are you guys doing? I'm still at Berastagi right now, and this is the first morning of 2010, the first Friday. I am feeling okay, safe, and happy. This is a new year, so I don't see a reason why I can't start over a new leaf in the big chapter of my life.

If you read my last entry, then you understand how I was going through with her, but after that first night, where she continued to break my heart, I became stronger somehow, though it broke me, but I decided to forget everything about her. To finally really let her go. The way I could do that, is by these following steps :

1. Stop following her around and wonder where she is and what she's doing.
2. Finally erase all of her text messages to me, the ones I saved because they meant a lot to me.
3. To understand that this, ultimately, is what she wants.
4. To accept that I won't be there anymore to protect her, she now has her "cousin" or friend. He will take care of her.
5. The hardest one, is to not think of her. That way, I won't need to care about her. The less I think about her, the happier I will be. This specific step I admit I couldn't do without the help of another person, a person who shows a great potential, and who's nice, and caring, and totally different from her. I am thinking about her instead, and this helps me to get over her.
6. To be with my other friends (the one I know I can count on), and to have the best time of my life. This is an Old n New vacation after all.

To be honest, after I made that decision, I have no idea if I could ever go through with it, but now, a day later, I know exactly for sure that I was doing the right thing.

So, if you must know, as of yesterday, as of this new year, I have finally moved on. She is no longer a part of my life. My love to her will vanish slowly but surely. This is the end of the two of us, but the beginning of something even more beautiful... my own happiness.

I think, the biggest reason that I could forget her is that I kept occupying myself with activities with my friends, like playing UNO or singing karaoke with Dewi and friends. And there is one other thing that excites me, the fact that my relationship with this new girl is getting better. If I have to move on, I have to find me a better person. Isn't that what all my friends said to me after knowing that she dumped me?

I am not looking for a rebound, because I am not that shallow, please... give me a credit. I am a born lover. I am the person who adores true love and soulmates, who likes romance and beautiful emotions. I will not play someone else's heart. I am not her.

Perhaps, in this case, I use this new girl, let's temporary call her R, as a means to forget about Minnie. Perhaps that is right, but if this can help me, I will go straight with it. There's no wrong in that. And another thing, from my past experience, I've learned not to fall in love to easily now. Hope is a dangerous thing. Love is even more dangerous. I have to be more careful from now on.

So what really happened yesterday? How was my New Year's Eve? I'll tell you.
I didn't sleep at all the first night I got here, so in the morning, I have made up my mind about leaving Minnie and stop caring about her. And so, from that moment on, every time we met, I just ignored her as she did me. It's for the best, in our current state.

We had noodles as breakfast, we played UNO cards afterwards, with punishments for the losers. They had to do chores. I played once and I lost. I got the job to clean up the Barbeque's floor. Hahaha.. But I wasn't doing it alone, many friends helped me, and that made it a fun thing to do.

You must know how come I could be happy when I was playing games with my friends. That's because she spent most of her time with her "cousin" and another friend of mine. The three of them were like a small group who only joined us when they felt necessary. I didn't care about them. And so whenever I was playing cards or karaoke, I would do them with other friends, and they are Erwin Muis, Lilis Njio, Sundra Talaman, his wife Juni, Juni's sister, and my three new friends : Dewi, her boy friend Amin, and Jacqueline.

Dewi is the coolest of all. She and I share a lot of things in common. She likes to sing as I do, and her music genre matches with me perfectly that I'm a little terrified. Hahaha.. Also, she loves to take pictures like I do. She's cool and funny and smart.

Amin perhaps is as cool as Dewi is. He surprises me sometimes, he sings in the moment... but when you ask him to sing along in a karaoke, he wouldn't. He is funny as hell, smart and friendly.

Jacqueline is Amin's cousin. She's the youngest of all, even younger than Minnie. But she doesn't look that young. She looks like grown up girl. She is the master of UNO, and we were all having a bad time defeating her, but with over and over again efforts, we finally crushed her. Hahaha... Also, she has a nice voice and she loves to sing.

When we were singing karaoke until our voices broke down, Minnie and her two friends were locking themselves inside a bedroom. They seemed almost unfriendly to the others but I couldn't care less anymore.

Jokes and laughing got our day moving into night. In the afternoon, while we're doing nothing, Dewi, Jacqueline and I played a poker card game but just the three of us. Whoever lost a round would suffer a punishment and humiliation. We played once and Dewi was the first to lose. She had to scream out her name to the neighbourhood while we're recording the whole process. It was funny. Hahaha.. The second time around, Jacqueline lost. She had to sing our national Anthem, Indonesia Raya, on top of her voice. Hahaha...

But the third time was also Jacqueline's moment. She lost again, and she had to sing Pada mu Negeri, completely. LOL.

The both of them weren't satisfied until I lost. But then a person called Apek showed up, and he already had a reputation as a Luck-Breaker. He was standing behind me the whole time I was playing cards and thus my luck turned 180 degrees and I lost the game. We all jokingly blaming him as the reason why my luck changed this drastically. But the fact is I lost. And I was about to suffer my punishment.

But my humiliation wasn't usual, because the girls were determined to embarass me in the best way they can. So I was asked to wear jacqueline's scarf around my head like a muslim woman, and then go to meet all of our gangs, to act like a soldier, scream embarassing stuffs and eventually sing a complete reff of Indonesia Raya on the top of my voice. Twice. Hahaha.. They recorded me, damn! Hahaha... They all laughed at me, and I laughed myself. It was a game, a really funny one. I had a great time with them.

The evening UNO game was even more funnier. We played many rounds, each with their unique and embarrassing punishments. Erwin lost thrice, Jacqueline twice, Lilis once, Sundra twice, but Amin and I were lucky enough to survive the rounds. LOL.

The funniest part was the last one, when Sundra lost. It was a time of desperation, because whoever lost this round had to go to in front of our villa, stand on top of a chair and scream loudly "HI EVERYBODY!!! MY NAME IS .... AND I AM A CRAZY PERSON!!!!" and then sings "La la la la la" in a way of a teenage girl does.

It was scary, the round was intense, and Sundra wasn't seem to be losing, not until Apek suddenly showed up and stand behind him, which suddenly threw Sundra's luck out of place. He began to be so unlucky and finally lost. We roared with laughter as Apek once again was blamed for this unfortunate coincidence. Hahaha.. It was crazy, all of us laughed really hard until our neck and stomach hurt. But then Sundra, a thirty year-old husband with a child screamed like a little girl, we all laughed hard once again.

At eleven o'clock, we started the Barbeque. It was a cold night when mountain winds blew on its might finally in the year 2009. When the countdown arrived, we all shook hands and greeted Happy New Year! with each other. I didn't shake Minnie's hand though. I only texted her.

She replied my text with her current strong-headed message and her assumption that I was a childish person and that I was still in love with her and wanted to get back with her, I told her my feelings for her had changed because she wasn't worth it, and that she didn't need to worry about me. I was happy.

And then she texted me back saying some childish sentences I couldn't remember because I already erased all of her messages.

Moving on, we're all celebrating New Year with lighting the fireworks and acting crazy. I have a video of it all.. a 13 minute-long video showing the whole thing. We sang songs and we laughed, it was the best way to spend Old n New.

And, lastly, about R... she didn't disappoint me last night, if so, she surprised me and I like her even more. I just hope everything will be allright now. Strangely, this time, I am optimistic that my life will turn out to be just fine, and better than last year.

Happy New Year, everybody! Let us live!

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