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Friday, December 21, 2007

The Diary Syndrome

At some point, this blog must have some journal-like entries rather than some cryptic aimless babblings. So for that matter, this entry will be written in that format --- a diary.

Last night is one of those nights when I did something unpredictable. It was not a boring night, but it wasn't a great night either. I resigned from my night job.

I guess teaching has been reaching the point of dull to me. I didn't blame myself for feeling this way, since I've had very few days marked as "memorable". The other days, let's say they're just "ordinary". No surprises. Work after work, classes after classes. And in the end, the all people I saw are my students (and their mothers).

I can't take it. I became a boring person. Not enjoying my life. A repetitive kind of man. Unless I quit some of my teaching class and start to think of new things to do.

When I was about to tell my students and their mother about my resignation, I was feeling nervous. It's probably because I had never done anything like this before (except that one time I quited from a 2 months stupid class, but this was different). Or maybe it's because I was relinquishing my responsibilities. But come to think of it, It's not like I abandoned them in the middle of the semester exams, I did this after the big exam and as the matter of fact, yesterday was my final day teaching for that semester. I just made it the final day, period.

When I got home, their mother was calling my cell phone, unwillingly persuading me to come back. She asked for detailed explanations for my abrupt resignation and tried to come out a solution for me. She even offered me a raise (though not significant enough, IMO), a shorter class, and she even said that I was the best teacher they'd ever had (not being arrogant) and that she trusted me enough to take care of her children.

I, on the other hand, thought differently. As far as I concerned, teaching there was not the greatest thing, the students were more childish than ever. I could remember countless moments when I thought I was a bit stress facing their naughtiness. But that was work, huh?

So I, feeling slightly guilty, kept saying no to her. I knew that I would never come back to them again, persistently.

And so with the two hours off my back, I felt relieved, to tell the truth. I will have to teach until 8, but only 8, compared to before, I was to teach until 10 at night. Perhaps this way I can live my life more happily.


I have commenced my vacation, the one I've been waiting for since the last four weeks. I am so happy today, to wake up thinking I have a more promising future. It turns out my job was the one that hold me from living my life. As of today, I really wish I can get a new and better job. But before that time comes, I shall teach.

Today's plan is not quite bad. I get to see my old friend, Novi, for dinner. I plan to have my hair cut and ... what is there to say? I just live my life differently from now on.

If you are some of my close friends (which is not a long list, believe me), then you should know that I have been such a complainer, complain about this and that.. and most of the time... it's about how pathetic my life has been.

I cannot not admit that I was that man, and probably still am. But things can change, slowly though. Time after time, some things are just unpredictable.

About my hair... It has been very messy and ugly. It's so long that I dare not take a photo of myself these past few days. But I promise to take one after I cut my hair later today.

It's twenty past five already. I think I should get going. More to come, and more cheerful ones too, I promise.


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