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Sunday, September 23, 2007

What Happened Today

Yeah, about last night.

I know that I had been preparing myself to whatever happened to me today, either it's good (as hope expected) or bad (as disappointment foretold), but as it's happening, all previous thoughts came to a halt, be forgotten, or buried temporarily.

I didn't get what I'd been expecting. But, again, as it's happening, I experienced something else. Something different and new. I don't know if it's a good thing, but it felt like it, so I folded back my dreams and plans and went through the new drama.

That new thing is, if I must describe it in words, an amalgamation of togetherness, laughter, and awkwardness.

There are few things I wished to happen and didn't. I was feeling kind of miserable when it didn't. But later that time, I figured that maybe they didn't need to happen. It was probably a good thing. Coz there's one thought that crossed my mind when she told me a lot of stories, opinions in her point of view, things I was not ready for. Things I am not ready for.

She has grown beautifully and I really like that. I think that I was trying to tell her that but the words that came out from my mouth was probably something like...

"No. no. no... Of course you're... I mean.. you're more beautiful. No... I mean, uh... you are now... always..."


I loathe myself.

Anyway, though several things didn't go according to my expectations, some did. And I have me and her thanked for. Maybe I don't need what it is I thought I needed yesterday. Maybe I'm not ready. Cuz there are many things I never think of... and that's scaring me a lil' bit.

Maybe love isn't enough. When it comes to understanding each other, maybe the acceptance on both sides isn't enough. Maybe I have to learn much more. It's just... I am bad when it comes to dealing with ladies, especially ones I like.

If she (or anybody) can accept that, is it enough for a foundation to build on? Cause loving is easy, but understanding is way out of my league. But hey, don't people spend their lifetime trying to accomplish that with each other?

All I'm saying, what I figure out today, is probably finding your soul mate isn't enough. Finding her is one thing, but maintaining a relationship with her is another.

Man, just when I thought that one task is difficult enough... now here comes another one.

Big one.



1 comment:

  1. Cool...keep it up. I agree with your point of view.