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Friday, November 09, 2007

An Arduous Life

Hey, it has only been a week but, man, I really missed writing in this blog. The last week was inauspiciously exhausting. I slaved and slaved day and night on the things I didn't like. I began to dislike what I did for living, by each day.

I think I may have failed myself, thousands of failures and errors in my way of living...

I've been thinking of a way open this entry, since I have so many things I wanna say, not to you, but to this blog... for the sake of "keep blogging". But then I had an idea.

But before I go in to the grandiloquent entry, I should revisit my mind to see if there's anything I want to share with you during my week of absence.

And apparently, there is... there are... actually... some more things.

1. For the past three weeks, I continued watching Naruto despite my lack of free time. I have completed my Grey's Anatomy "quest" up until the end of the third season. I've conquered God of War I and II, proudly speaking, but am currently stuck in Spartan (Hard) Mode. I weighed 70 kgs and have been that way for six months.

2. I am still teaching and starting to really hate it. I want to find a new job in the fields I like, and the fields I like are multimedia (video and audio), dancing and choreography, mathematics, english and blogging. I don't know where to turn.

3. I still am an atheist and I don't believe in God. I still loathe Indonesia though there hasn't been any blackouts yet after the last time I recounted my PLN tale.

4. I'm getting more and more pissed off with some of my old friends. I hate NV, I hate Cy, I hate Avie, I hate her, I hate them. I hate women! I also hate my highschool sweethearts, I hate my highschool friends, I hate el_se7en, I hate the fact that I hate everything I shouldn't hate.

5. Lately, I have a weird imagination of me having a special ability. And with that coming, I also plan to write a new short story or a new long story. I haven't decided about it yet.

6. There were several nights when I felt that I was about to lose my mind. I was going all loco. I think it's because the loneliness was multiplied by work-exhaustions and everyday-boredoms. I often wished to have lead a different life.

If I were my old friend Erick Yang.

I would have doing the exact things he had done with his life. I would have had an 1767 FR Atoz, the very vehicle that include so many memories with my highschool friends. There would have also been an el seven, there would have been a never winter, there would have been a "Living the dream" moments six to four years ago.

I think I would have been more happy.

If I were Frans Lius.

I would have had a more minute ego with a person named Bambang Superwan, or if it had been an absurd thing, I would have tried. But as time goes on, I would have been happy too.

If I were Susan.

I wouldn't have acted, but If I had remember that I was once Bambang Superwan, I wouldn't have to acted at all. (know what I mean?)

If I were Avie.

I wouldn't have understand why I chose those two guys. I would have at least understood why I couldn't see the person who gave me a four-song-CD in the early morning of valentine.

If I were Cy.

I would have tried harder.

If I were myself six years ago,

I would have come to the front, I would have faced all of them, I would have had a heyday.

If you were me right now or if you were the ones of the above,

then you should have understood (some parts of) them somehow.

7. I watched Heroes season 2. But the first six episodes only.

I didn't expect the series to have gone that way, but in some way, the second season has been better than the first one.

There have been some imaginations I have in mind regarding the Heroes TV Series. They have been so famous that I feel like I'm the zillionth person in the world to have post an entry about them. But what if our Hero of Mind Reader .....

has a power of entertaining people with drums instead?

Or what if Claire the "spontaneous regenerative chick" ...

becomes the lead singer of "Back stage boys" ?

What if the mass murderer, Sylar ...

sylar repents

repents and becomes a full-time electrician instead?

And what if everybody in the series has left the show, and there's only one hero left...

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Damn you Ando! You don't even have a special ability...

Ando : "You don't have to have a power to be a hero."

Me : "Oh, Shut it! And Get out of my blog!"

But in the end, it's just about staying or leaving, or whether you have the moxie to achieve your dreams -- which is something I still lack...

... cause togetherness brings hope ...

... and when your friends are either graduating.... or leaving... or even as silly as convocating...

Convocated Claire

... you would have a courage to move on ... to relax you mind ...

.... and not to blame things on God... not to be angry at people... not to hate your old highschool friends...

God is pissed

... and the most important things of all ...

... not to be lost.

I wonder if I can do it.