What I did

1. Watched The Transformers, reviewed it, and hoped my bike would transform into Bumblebee.

Review :

About the movie, when I first sat there in the first several minutes, thinking how good this movie would be, the preview kicked in. I saw Die Hard 4.0 trailer which was quite awesome (could be more awesome if I hadn't seen it before :D) and I was hoping the next preview would be Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, and so it was. Dream come true. There was a familiar sound like a steel door bang shut, and then there was Dumbledore's voice "There's a storm coming out.." and then somebody whispered "Harry!"

I got too excited, not because I hadn't seen the trailer before, ( I have seen all the versions of HP trailers for like a zillion times), no, but the excitement came from my head, where I realized that it is no longer than 12 days left until the movie. And it kicked me. Wow.. the next film I would be seeing is this. But that's another story later. Now, it's about The Transformers.

The prologue of the movie was quite cool, the camera showed the allspark closely and then we saw it floating in the outer space, heading to earth. It only took that one scene to make me sit there and enjoy the movie. I will give you a very brief review so I can't spoil you.

The story : not bad. We can learn and understand about the why and who eventhough they explained it 30 minutes after the movie. Before that, we got a glimpse of Bumblebee, Frenzy, that helicopter thing whose name I forgot.. hehe.. and they did it in a fashionable way. I was impressed. They didn't bore me.

The special effect : Outstanding! Even if you can't get the main story, you will be blown away with its spectacular effects. It was full with blowing cars, planes, crafts, tanks, and cars again. My mouth was wide opened for most scenes.

The acting : I was surprised to see how good Shia LaBeouf portrayed his character, Sam. Now I get it how is it the movie Disturbia ranked itself in the top of Box Office for several weeks. I had some funny surprise in the beginning of the movie, where a general in charge for the squadron in Qatar was the actor from the TV Series 24. His name is Glenn Morshower, and he played Aaron Pierce in 24. I like his acting skill.

The Robots : They were complicated yet stylish. They were very humanic. They were funny too. The robots were different from the original Transformers, and only several robots were introduced in this movie.

Overall : This movie is a must-see. I think it's the combination of drama, action, comedy, and eye candy, just like Armageddon.. Great summer movie, indeed!

Pictures :

Megatron

Optimus Prime

Bumblebee

2. Met some old friends.

Yeah, this week I met Harianto, Ferry, Riki Lidian, Teddy Salim, Michael, Riwan, Darta, Anita Tanjaya, Willy, Amanta, and some more. I haven't been able to meet Meiwina and Jacq yet, however, but there's still time.

There are several things you wish to happen and several things you wish never to happen whenever you meet your old friends. I thought that I had behaved well enough, but when it comes to meeting an old lady friend, I tend to be speechless and say all the wrong things. And it is not the worst thing. The worst is when I have nothing to say at all. How come, after having wishing to see a very old lady friend, when you meet her, you mess it all up. Ah.. I don't understand what it is that makes me so uncomfortable with ladies.

3. Exercised. Played Ping Pong.

It's a new routine I like to keep up. The first day after I went to gym, my body hurt like hell, so hard to even get up from bed. But the pain vanished in couple of days (three, to be exact). And now, I have found a new hobby, ping pong. When I first touched the bat, I played it like playing badminton. But then I learned how to do it, second by second, minute by minute. And it only took me several minutes to be able to kick my friend's ass. Lol. I don't think I am good in ping pong, but I think I have learnt so fast, too fast in fact, that I was surprised myself to see me suddenly knew how to play it well. Ah.. weird things happens. I played ping pong every time I am in the gym. Enjoy it.

4. Watched Shrek 3 and Fantastic 4.

I did the Silver Surfer long before I finally watched Shrek the Third. Things had happened that postponed me to watch that movie. Over and over again. It's quite a long wait too, since the cinema here had to wait the Pirate to end first before putting Shrek on the schedule. After several obstacles and promises, I have watched it, eventually, though under the circumstances I'd never thought of. But I'm happy to have finished my promise.

SHREK the THIRD REVIEW

I have always loved Shrek because it had presented fresh comedy, parodies, and great songs for me. I always get the laugh out of it. These are some great songs I've known from Shrek.

1. John Cale - Hallelujah (From Shrek One, this song has the greatest lyrics of all time, well, IMO)

2. Counting Crows - Accidentally in love (from the beginning of Shrek 2, this song has a great chemistry. A happy song)

3. Jennifer Saunders - Holding out for a hero (From the climax scenes of Shrek 2, this song is a unique version sang by the actress of the Godmother herself)

4. Frou Frou - Holding out for a hero (from the credit of Shrek 2, this song is... cool!)

I still wait to see what great songs lies inside Shrek the Third. I believe I noticed several when I watched it. The movie is, well.. you know... very funny. I like the way they keep bringing the other children figure into this movie. There are still Pinocchio, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty (who btw, can be found asleep throughout the movie), Captain Hook, The ugly Step sisters, Prince Charming, Three Blinded Mice, Witches, The living trees, cyclops, and more.. If you, by chance, haven't laid eyes on this movie, I suggest you do so.

5. Bought more DVDs.

Hahaha.. this one habit can't extinguish. This week perhaps is the most lavish week of me. I have bought Nip/Tuck season 4, Lost season 2, Smallville season 6, Lost season 3, American Idol season 1-4, and I still plan to buy Six Feet Under season 3 and who knows when I'll give up Prison Break. LOL.

Dudes, don't try to be like me. I am so addicted in TV Series. It's no good. Hah!

6. Closeness.

It's a random thought actually, last night, when I was cursing the damn Electric Company for the constant blackouts, my mind accidentally came across a scene from Friends, when Joey dreamed about him and Monica sharing a romantically closeness (not sex) solving puzzles together, after seeing Chandler and Monica did it earlier. It's a very simple thing, but I realized. I wanted it. To have somebody very close to you and you can share your world with her. Doing minor things together. Just someone to spend the day, spend your time with. Coz it felt like you having someone by your side for all time, feeling bonded and united. I know how it feels although I never have it in my life. The world seems to be enough, no need for everything else. It's just you and me. Just the two of you. You can overcome everything. You don't care about anything at all. Boy, I want it.

7. Writing something new.

The most important thing I did this week was creating a whole new document that was so confidential I can never put signs in this blog other than this. I wanted to spill everything about Cy on one place. After doing so, I felt relieved. But then, I can never speak about it. And that's a whole new challenge. Keeping my mouth shut. Will I be able to do it? I shall see.

FAQ

Not So Frequently Asked Questions

about http://soliloquial.blogspot.com/

1. Who are you? What’s your name? Who the hell are you?
— Name’s Bam Superwan (pronounced SuperOne). I’m a soliloquist. I’m a blogger who doesn’t care about anything except his own life. Constantly complaining and being desperate, selfish might be the right word.

2. I can’t seem to find “soliloquial” in my dictionary. Could you please tell me what’s that? And what about “soliloquist”, “soliloquize”, “soliloquy”, “soliloquies”, and all that nonsense?
— You’re right. Soliloquial isn’t a real word. I made it up. It’s an adjective for soliloquism—which I also created. It’s like ventriloquial for ventriloquist. Nah, that one you can find on the dictionary. Soliloquist is a person who talks to himself, having conversations and sort of. Soliloquize is the verb. For more explanation: here.

3. Why do you choose the word soliloquist? Why do you blog?
— Geez, one question at a time. Why soliloquist? Cause when a crazy old person lived all by himself, he would need a thing, like a snake, so that his neighbors could yell… “Watch out for the snake! Watch out for the crazy man with the snake!!!” Got me? Why do I blog? coz I am lonely and I love to write.

4. So you’re crazy, huh?
— Well, that depends. Do you call yourself crazy?

5. I have seen your blog but there are too many words on it, which caused me not want to read it.
— It’s OK. You can just linger here, listen to a repetitive song, click on wherever you like, or you can just press ALT + F4 and calm your CPU Usage.

6. I have read all your posts and I love it. I think you’re great. And oh yeah… I’m a pretty girl wearing a red shirt.
— Marry me.

7. Your blog has too many accessories.
— Yeah, what’re you going to do about it?

8. You have lots of seriously grammatical errors. You probably should learn how to speak English properly before creating your own blog.
— Oh, sorry. I doesn’t mean to confused you. I thinked my English are OK enough for you to understands. Maybe you can corrects my English skill on this one : “BITE ME!”

9. Do you like Harry Potter? What else do you like?
— Harry Potter, Backstreet Boys, BoA, Drew Barrymore, and serial TV such as Friends, 24, Lost, Smallville, the 4400, etc

10. What is it that you despise? What is your biggest fear? I want to send you a birthday present and I can’t think of the perfect one…
— Lonely. Loneliness. Being alone. Seclusion. Solitude. There, you can pick one.

11. I wish to email you. I want to know you better. I want to be your friend. Can I know your email?
— You can message me from my Friendster page, then I shall give you my personal email address.

12. So I took that quiz of yours and damn! I didn’t know a thing about you.
— I know. I failed too.

13. Are you gay?
— No. Why?

14. Harry Potter? Soliloquist? Lonely? Blogging? Dude… You are so lame.
— Thankz Dude.

15. Do you have a girlfriend?
— Not yet. Nobody is wearing a red shirt here.

16. I heard that you don’t believe in God. Really?
— No, I don’t believe in god.

17. Then how are you planning on living this life?
— I don’t plan. I just live.

18. After reading this nsFAQ, I finally realize I’m wasting my time. Goodbye!
— Bye bye …!

19. After reading this nsFAQ, I finally realize that you are my soulmate.
— I know you do.

20. You do believe in…
— soulmate? Yeah.

Exhausted.

Last night I slept at 2. Three hours later, someone texted me and my cell shouted so noisily that I woke up abruptly. It was from Harianto, an old friend of mine. He was asking me to meet him later today. I ignored him and went back to bed, also abruptly.

A few minutes later, he texted me yet another message. Oh for the heaven of elves, why did this guy want, bothering me in such an early morning? I opened the message and it said :

"If I woke you, that's your problem. Hahaha."

Bastard.

But then I replied him. I told him I was going to search and buy a new sport shoes. A few minutes later, he called me. Arrgh. And then I had to wake up.

We chatted for a while and decided to meet, eventually, at 12 noon.

So after that I couldn't sleep no more. I was weirdly awake.



7 hours later


I met him and Ferry, yet another old friend (whose Sex and the City DVD I had borrowed for two years and haven't returned them yet, hehe) from school. We met in Sun Plaza. They were half an hour late, and I was lunching when they arrived. We talked and talked. Good times. Them we began to search for my shoes.

It's weird, I rarely shop in those places in Medan, the so-called Shopping-Center, I guess I'm just not a shopaholic.

It's hard for me to choose which shoes to buy. We wandered for a while and decided Sun plaza had not enough shoes collections for me. Hueheu... as if we're masters in shopping.

Then we went to Thamrin, but we did stopped by Ozone to purchase some DVDs. Hahaha.. We (the three of us) can't live without new DVDs every few days. LoL.

I bought LOST season 2, I hope this time I bought the complete one. I used to buy a 7-packed-dvds which turned out to be one episode missing, the finale episode. So you can imagine how furious I was.

I also bought American Idol season 1-4, the best and worst performances. I hope to see Clay Aiken, Ruben Studdart, or Kelly Clarkson's performances.

After that, I was becoming so thirsty. So the first thing I did in Thamrin was buying drinks. And the two hours later were spent by searching and picking the right shoes. I was confused and tired. But I am glad to have chosen the gold one. I don't have the picture now, but you will see in later post.

Now, I am waiting in NeverLand for the clock to turn to six, and then I will meet my old friend, Riwan, and we will go to the gym.

It's just a very absurd thing to do. To exercise. Not now. Not when I am deeply exhausted and lack of sleep. Hikz. But I have committed to do this. So wish me not to fall (or fall asleep) during my exercising.

And now I can't seem to enter Twitter.com. The Error page keep showing up. The server might be down. Haih.

But today is really great for me. I feel different for so many reasons, though I'm so tired and all I wish is going to sleep now.

But as I have learnt for all my life...

"...There is no intermission in life..."



...yeah right, *coughing*... I'm just kidding. I WANT MY INTERMISSION LAR... Hahaha...

[go to gym now...]

One Month until Harry Potter 7

I still remember back in December when I first learned about the title of book 7, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" and became very excited about it. Well, just so you know... the excitement of waiting to read the final book of Harry Potter non-stop-ly for several days has become more and more blatant, there is not a day I don't think about that book. Hikz.. How can JK Rowling torture me this much? How can she make me wait this long...? Hahaha...

Actually I have no idea what to post today. I wrote about "Ten Reasons Why Indonesia Sucks" but after half way, I abandoned it for no reason. Maybe I was bored and lazy, or maybe Indonesia has sucked way beyond my imagination. HeuHeu.. I like that thought. Damn it! I've promised myself to complain less about Indonesia. Hahaha.. So I won't say no more in that matter. *sealed mouth*

Anyway, back to Harry Potter. It's confusing sometimes to think and think (and think and think) how can JK Rowling can tie up all the loose ends in the books and still have to tell Harry's long long long journey to find and destroy all Voldemort's horcruxes in only 612 pages of book.

Earlier I wrote all the questions yet to be answered in the final book on a file in Microsoft Word, and so far it has reached 60 questions. Hahaha.. I know what you think. It's probably sound a bit crazy and obsessed (a bit?), but it has all the advantages later, you know, when I read the book or when I finish reading it. I can check back and see if I get all the answers I wanted, and if there are several questions left to be mysteries.

Ah.. Only 30 days later until I finally get my own book. I have been choosing carefully (and confusedly) of which version I will buy later, the Adult Version, or the Children Version? I have always bought the children versions before because back then, it was hard to find the adult's. If I am to complete my collection correctly, then I should buy that version. After all, the decoration of this version is better than the adult one. Then again, I think it's time to let go and "try" to own an adult version for a change. Plus, it is the final book and I will have no other chance again. And the cover isn't so bad. Look at the news below (at right). The cover is in someway cooler than the other one.

[both Children version and Adult version respectively]

Well, what do you think? Which one do you think I should get? Help me choose, ok.

Ah... I am so hungry right now.. I think I should be off, have my late dinner. This post is solely dedicated to myself. Hope I can make it through July 21. Urrrgh! I just can't wait. Nah! You can't blame me for this. I am possibly the greatest Harry Potter fan in Indonesia.

No, I'm kidding. Only in Medan lar.

The Silver Lining

People always say that everything has its other side. Even JK Rowling said that everything in her books has a pair. Like Love against Hate, Good against Evil, Murder against Sacrifice, Yin against Yang.

I have always loathed my job slightly. But I know that even if this job makes me feel bad, worse, or worst, I'll know that once in a year, on June until July, in the long hot summer time every year, I GOT MY FREE PAY CHECK!!!

Free, as in not have to work. That's right. As a teacher, I still get my salary when all of my students are having their vacations, and I'm making money just by sitting, watching movies, eating, breathing. Lolz. It's a sure nice way to live my life.

But I know that there are times when I am pressed so hard that I become depressed, stressed out, or even desperately suicidal because of this job. It's like when they all have their examinations (and boo! They have big exams six times a year.) coming or like when they're so stupid that can't even absorb anything I say.

I have some stupid students throughout my teaching years. I also have one (thank your god it's only one) very stupid-idiot-moron-DUH!!-I'm-gonna-kick-your-ass-brainless student. He never understand what I say, but he nods allright when I ask him whether he understands it. And he always says that he will "absolutely" pass his examinations since he always ables to answer all the questions except for a few (three is his favourite reply-answer whenever I ask him). And it always turns out to be either bad or very very very bad.

His mother, thankfully, doesn't blame me for her son's laziness and all. Of course not, because I don't only teach his son. There is this student who is in the same class with him, but she scores very well and all. So they all (and I proudly included) think probably it's not the teacher's fault. Sometimes (actually, very often) I do feel very sorry for him, and I keep telling and asking myself on how to make him more... diligent, clever, responsible, or even... be just alive. But I can't seem to change him. I have tried all the methods known to man to change his studying habit. But it just can't work. I have advised, readvised, scared, yelled, scolded, persuaded, tricked, and privated-taught him, but he still as bad as ever. There is still one way, though. But I am not a master in hypnotizing lazy-students.

Today I found out that 4 of my students' mathematic marks are all above nine. That's very good indeed, because it's so hard to even score seven at the school. My old school, Sutomo 1. That kinda made me proud (and feel a little bit arrogant about it :D) when I heard it. But I think that it's only fair, since I worked really hard to make them succeeded. Now that they have, I finally can enjoy my vacation more restfully and comfily.

I know it's not easy to make them succeeded like this, but it got a price. I told them, if they could score more than 9 this time, I would treat them pizzas or movies. It seemed to have motivated them very strongly and they have finally done it. Wah, now I have to save more money and fulfill my promise... but I do not regret it. It's very comforting for me as well, if they are succeeded, that means I am too.

At last, I just have to see the bright side of my job, if I am to keep it for at least another year. Let's move on! Tomorrow is near, hope is flying back to me. And for all my friends out there, especially if you're waiting for a call, interviewing a new job, hoping for the brighter future, or welcoming a big change in your life... I wish you get it. I know you will....

... and if you don't, there is always a silver lining in every situation.

My To Do List

On my previous post, I listed some of my current "to-do-list". This entry is specifically upgrading the list. So here's the complete list and some updates about it.

My To-Do-List
[For June and July 2007]

1. Be more cheerful....................... [in progress]
2. Dye my hair blue....................... [not done yet]
3. Watch Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix on July 13th ....................... [not done yet]
4. Buy and read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows on July 21st. ....................... [not done yet]
5. Meet my old friends, Mei, HQ, Jacq, Watta, etc. ....................... [partially done]
6. Buy Nip/Tuck season 4. ....................... [accomplished]
7. Buy a new jacket and perhaps some new clothes as well. ....................... [not done yet]
8. Go to the gym. Exercise more. ....................... [not done yet]
9. Go to Karaoke on July’s first weekend, and sing James Blunt’s song. :D ....................... [not done yet]
10. Memorize the lyrics of “Now that we’ve found love” by Heavy D and the boys. ....................... [not done yet]
11. Change blog’s layout. Brand New. ....................... [not done yet]
12. Meet new people and make new friends........................ [in progress]
13. Go to my bank more often. Save more money. ....................... [not done yet]
14. Learn how to master Sudoku. Practice! ....................... [in progress]
15. Go for either playing bowling or learning how to swim........................ [not done yet]
16. Give up Cy. Be a good friend........................ [in progress]
17. Watch Shrek 3 and Fantastic Four and the Rise of Silver Surfer........................ [partially done]
18. Complain less about Indonesia for the whole month........................ [in progress]
19. Reread Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix before the movie's out........................ [not done yet]
20. Be committed about this list, do it all........................ [in progress]

At this moment, (so far only one task is fully completed) I don't know if I can complete this. I certainly hope so, and I want to. It's nice, to feel different for a change.

Funny Ha Ha

When I watched Funny Ha Ha earlier today, I would never thought I could think this way : "Nah, that seals it! I'm gonna be like Marnie!"

This is one of the movie which when you start to watch it, you have two options to do next, either keep watching a plotless drama for ninety minutes or just shut it off. Though most people would take option number two, I eagerly watched the whole thing, coz I didn't find this movie any good, I found it amazing!

As a movie which shows reality as the way it is really lived, I felt so attached to this film. It's about a life of an ordinary girl, living a very ordinary life in Boston, Massachusetts.. It's so far from here, but everything seems to be similiar. It's a nice feeling watching a movie that very much like your current living situation.

After finishing watching it, I thought about a lot of things. Life has no plot, has no ending, so you won't be spoiled. But yet it's so damn complicated. Friends they come and go. One minute you're with them, but the other minute they've married. Some lie, some tell you the truth. Life is a land of awkwardness. Conversations are filled with awkward laughthers, misunderstandings, and mistakes. It's hard to communicate to each other when everything you say means a hundred new meanings. This is what this movie is like. This is why I like it.

I have been showered by the urge to find my happiness back. A hope that has been blown away. I promised that today I would do a few different things and look at things in a very different ways. I promised myself not to dwell in sadness no more, that I would lead a new chapter, again, just to find the simple thing that has gone away. My hope.

Funny Ha Ha trailer

Marnie wrote down a list of things to do. Few of them were to learn to play chess, spend more time outside, be friends with Jackie, and a lot more. I thought of it myself. Why can't I?

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same

You're gone from here
Soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
'cos everybody's changing
And I don't feel right

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same

If I am to make changes in me, now it's the best start. And so I will. Coz everybody changes. My friends, my job, my life, the world... and now, it's my turn.

My To Do List
1. Be more cheerful.
2. Find new people and make new friends.
3. Save more money and go to bank
4. Give up Cy. Be a good friend.
5. Buy Nip/Tuck Season 4
6. Watch Shrek 3 and Fantastic 4 [Rise of Silver Surfer]
7. Do more exercise
8. Meet old friends such as HQ, Mei, Jacq, Watta, etc
9. Complain less about Indonesia
10. Reread Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Beautiful Marnie in the film

Thingamajig : no big deal

Today I woke up at 12. That is awfully unusual for me. When the sun poured strongly upon my bed, I didn't want to wake up. But I couldn't stay any longer. My arm was killing me. I didn't wanna wake up because I had nothing to do. No plan whatsoever. It was so miserable to feel so empty when a new day welcomed you. It is a real shame to live in a no-hope path of your life knowing everything could be different in your dream or in your alternate realities, just because you did the wrong thing, picked the wrong way.

My right arm is struggling to get off my shoulder. This whole day felt like a big giant torture. My body rejected everything put inside my mouth. I have lost my appetite for the whole reason I didn't know about. I haven't eaten since morning. I suffered from several sudden anginas throughout the day. It'd be no shock at all if I die unexpectedly while teaching or driving. I ignored most calls and messages sent to my phone. I have't smile for a day and either my cheek has been numb or my brain cells have been dead during a weird dream I had last night.

I chose to talk to people less today. I forgot today's date and time. I forgot my previous plans and reasons. I didn't know what I was hoping for. I wanted to meet people so badly that I didn't want to anymore. I wanted to write an entry, copying all my thoughts into real sentences but I didn't want to anymore.

I don't want to worry you and some other random human reading this blog. I don't want you all to comment and ask me how I am doing because I know exactly what I gonna say to you. It's fine. I'm fine. Don't worry about me. It is no big deal. You don't want to believe it and you can't. Coz the world has gone all wrong and upside down.

In this sour silent night with doubts and disappointments soaring above my head, there seems like nothing in this world can bring back to me the cheerfulness that crossed my heart a few nights back. It’s so painful to recognize the only thing you want in this world and yet you can’t seem to reach it. Seems like an illusion against the eye and soul, reaping the bliss and eating away its hope. Like a velvety kiss from a dementor, slowly sucks your very core of your spirit and leaves your soulless body rotting in the hot rough earth.

Songs and lyrics are flying piercingly ricocheting off the wall and back. My brain is confused with verses and meanings those shockingly penetrate my heart deeply than anything I can imagine.

I walk across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
sat by the river and it made me complete
oh simple things where have you gone

so tell me when you’re gonna let me in
I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

is this the place you used to love?
is this the place that I’ve been dreaming of?

and if you have a minute why don’t we go
talk about it somewhere only we know
this could be the end of everything
so why don’t we go
somewhere only we know

It’s funny when sometimes you feel like you a song can describe your feelings better than your brain does. But it’s not always like that. Once in a while, you’ll realize that there’s something missing from that song, incorrect or incompletely written.

It is a very nice thing to go to some place only we both know and talk about it all because it will be the end of everything. You’ll need a serious talk mouth to mouth, heart to heart. No more lies and no more shame. But then you think, or have you ever thought this way? There is no place. There is no place for only two of us because we never exist. We never exist because you don’t want it to. You don’t want it to because I am not good enough for you to. I am not good enough for you because you never make me to. So it’s all your fault. If there is one thing I am sure will happen once you believe me and once you have faith in me… it would be that you’ll never regret it. My promise is stronger than steel. My promise is harder than gold. And my feelings to you are incomparably genuine. I just can’t believe you didn’t see that, after all we’ve been through.

Songs can make you do impulsive things, you know. They can spur your anger out of the system, bottle your sadness for a minute, or spawn regrets out of your so-naive heart. Loud and Clear, you just wish you didn't do everything you had done. A terrible mistake for the search of happiness.

I hope that you miss me
Put me down on history
I feel such a reject now
Get yourself a life
I hope that you're sorry
For not accepting me
For not adoring me

I remember there was
Nothing I could ever do
Never could impress you
Even if I tried

People are stranger
People in danger
People are stranger
People deranged

Loud and clear I make my point my dear

I hope that you never
Get the things you wanted to
Now I cast a spell on you
Complicate your life
Hope you get a puncture
Everywhere you ever drive
Hope the sun beats down on you and
Skin youself alive

It's unmistakenable the cruelest song I've ever known. But at the moment I listened to this song and craved for a little justice over life, it practically sounded right. The hell with the karma, the Yin and Yang nonsense. There is no balance in this world. There is no fairness in my life. Then what's wrong on wanting some?

People often pass through your life for one second to say what they thought you should know. It's a thought, an advice, a stupid argument which makes you petrified for a while. They ask you to do this, not to do that... "you can't do that." ... "I hope you don't do this." and you think they're right. I thought they're right. I thought you're right.

But you're just full of it! You're just full of BULLSHIT, Cy. You do what you wanna do. You say what you wanna say. Have you ever stopped for just ONE freakin' second and think about what I want? NO! You self-centered self-interested egotistical arrogant piece of shit! What if you're the one who lives in this life? What if we switch lives? Switch body! And then probably you'd learn of how to live a lonely life. OH nooo, no no. Not that normal lonely life you and everybody claimed to live. This is full-circledly different! Even worse than living by yourself in a deserted island like old Tom Hanks did! Worse! You'll be surrounded by a number of your friends, couples, the most horrific thoughts you think you couldn't imagine. And then you'll be invisible to them, like a grab of sand on the beach. You are nothing in this world. Yelling to be recognized, hoping you'll be accompanied.

Sometimes there is a child or a young girl squating next to you, touch you with both of her hands, holding you tight as if letting you go is the last thing she would do. You're feeling warm and safe inside her, not cold for the water won't be soaking you ever again since you've left it and soar above, high. The wind blows through your body and make you cold. Not the old cold, but the new cold. It's new, It's exciting. A vibration of feeling that you have never felt before.

And you wish you'll never be let go. But that wasn't your choice to make. She is getting bored and bored by your monotonous grains. And that's when she lets you fall. Throw you back into the invisible world. You'll never be seen again, for your entire life.

Now, have you learned what life I've been living in?

Coz if you--the one person I thought who understands me--abandon me like that, then I shall have no choice but to do the same to you. Despite of my powerlessness towards you, I still am a person with a solid feeling. But it feels hollower each moment I think of you. Why eating me away when you promised me that you wouldn't? You asked if I'm happy, I'm unhappy. And this is too big for me. I don't wanna lose you but I can't go on.

Now forget everything that I've said. Forget all about reading this entry. This page is not exist. Now you know how it is to feel confused and incomprehensible, like I am everyday.

Poll for Girls

Girls, do you wanna be with someone...
you really love but he leads a hard life with just enough money?
Yes. It's just a question of love. Money you can make...
Well.. we'll perhaps have an on and off relationship.
I don't think so. Though it's very hard, but I will let him go.
Yes, but just for a lengthy period.
I don't know.. I can't make this decision.
Poll starter: soliloquist See Results

Illusions

Are the lines parallel?

goblet? or two people looking at each other?

watch the vertical lines, same length?

just a few lines moved and added, the man turns into a woman

a duck with a woman on its beak?

or a girl and a canoe on a big fish?

Which soldier is the tallest?

see the red line and the blue line

and they are cut.

how is this sitting possible?

UPDATE : AH, STUPID PICTURE!

SAVE IT AND SEE IT AT WHITE BACKGROUND!

what do you read?

A Bird in the bush?

Mirror oh mirror....?

MIRROR?

Visit this site for more illusions.

Will Harry Die?

A few moments ago, I went in to one of the largest Harry Potter Community Discussions, The Official Mugglenet Forum, The Chamber of Secrets Forum and read all the wild discussions and brilliant analysis about what’s ahead in the Potter Universe. It’s only approximately one month left until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released. The biggest question all the Potter Fans are asking about is whether the main character Harry Potter can survive.

Will Harry Die? I’ve watched, read, and surveyed and I have come to a conclusion of 50 : 50 chance of Harry die in the last book, the last adventure to defeat Lord Voldemort.

I then found some interesting and some are very funny comments on the thread. I will post some of them below, so that other Harry Potter’s fans in Indonesia and all, can have some views about Harry’s fate to come.

Before, I want to paste some clues about Harry’s fate in the end that came out directly from JK Rowling. Man! She gave us a lot of clues, yet they’re all so ambiguous.

Quote from JK Rowling :

Soledad O'Brien: I'm going to pose the final question to you and I'd like all three of you to take a stab at it. You can do it in any order that you would like. If you were to have dinner with any five characters from any of your books -- take a moment to think about it -- who would you invite, and why would they be on your list? Any order.

JK Rowling: Well I'd take Harry, to apologize to him (crowd laughs). Um, I'd have to take Harry, Ron and Hermione.

Stephen King: Sure.

JK Rowling: I would - this is - (crown shouts suggestions).

Stephen King: Hagrid, take Hagrid.

JK Rowling: See, I know who's actually dead.

Stephen King: Pretend you can take them anyways.

JK Rowling: Pretend I can take anyone? Well then I would definitely take Dumbledore. I'd take Dumbledore, Harry, Ron, Hermione...and.. (crowd shouts characters) um, Hagrid. I'd take Hagrid, yeah. And Owen because he wouldn't take up much space (crowd laughs). "

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Interview about JK Rowling's opinion regarding dark and grim theme of the books

DR : Have you ever thought "Maybe I should tone it down"?

JKR: No. I know that sounds kind of brutal but no, I haven't. The bottom line is, I have to write the story I want to write. I never wrote them with a focus group of 8-year-olds in mind. I have to continue telling the story the way I want to tell it. I don't at all relish the idea of children in tears, and I absolutely don't deny it's frightening. But it's supposed to be frightening! And if you don't show how scary that is, you cannot show how incredibly brave Harry is. He's really brave, and he does, I think, one of his bravest things in this book: He can't save Cedric, but he wants to save Cedric's parents additional pain. He wants to bring back the body and treat it with respect.

DR: ... and if you've just joined us, we have a real treat this morning, having J.K. Rowling with us. She is Joanne Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series. Three books that have ignited young *and* adult readers all around the world. If you'd like to join us 1-800-433-8850. What age group are you actually aiming for, Jo?

JKR: When I'm writing, I don't aim for any - any age group. I write these books entirely for myself. And in fact, before - before my British publisher Bloomsbury told me that they were going to market the books as for 9 year olds and above, I really had no idea. A vague idea, obviously. I mean, I was aware they weren't for 3 year olds, and I knew that probably 19 year olds would be wanting to read other stuff, although I've met quite a few 19 year olds since, so that's - that's a really nice thing. The optimum age, I'd definitely say is 9+ for these books.

[Above conversation shows that JK Rowling won’t be sparing Harry’s life just for the sake of the children reader. She won’t focus on what they may think. But this doesn’t mean that Harry will die, either.]

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

This is from JK Rowling Diary Section from her official site.

"FEBRUARY 6th

Charles Dickens put it better than I ever could:

'It would concern the reader little, perhaps, to know how sorrowfully the pen is laid down at the close of a two-years' imaginative task; or how an Author feels as if he were dismissing some portion of himself into the shadowy world, when a crowd of the creatures of his brain are going from him for ever.'

To which I can only sigh, try seventeen years, Charles...

I always knew that Harry's story would end with the seventh book, but saying goodbye has been just as hard as I always knew it would be. Even while I'm mourning, though, I feel an incredible sense of achievement. I can hardly believe that I've finally written the ending I've been planning for so many years. I've never felt such a mixture of extreme emotions in my life, never dreamed I could feel simultaneously heartbroken and euphoric.

Some of you have expressed a (much more muted!) mixture of happiness and sadness at the prospect of the last book being published, and that has meant more than I can tell you. If it comes as any consolation, I think that there will be plenty to continue arguing and speculating about, even after 'Deathly Hallows' comes out. So if you're not yet ready to quit the message boards, do not despair...

I'm almost scared to admit this, but one thing has stopped me collapsing in a puddle of misery on the floor. While each of the previous Potter books has strong claims on my affections, 'Deathly Hallows' is my favourite, and that is the most wonderful way to finish the series."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Here are among the most interesting and the funniest comments yet :

Author : Daelin :

A LOT of people have sacrificed to keep Harry safe and alive. Do the deaths of his parents, Cedric, numerous members of the Order, indirectly Sirius and Albus Dumbledore make sense in the end if all they did was let Harry die later? I don't see changing 'The Boy Who Lived' into 'The Young Man Who Died Anyway' as a satisfying plot.

Author : La_La :

I think Harry is definitely going to vanquish Voldemort. Whether he'll die or not...I'm still undecided. I couldn't bear it if he lost his powers and became completely muggle. I'd rather he died.

Author : FredWeasleyJr :

It’s definitely possible that Harry dies but I dont want to even think about it because it makes me insane... I want Book 8 to be released on 08/08/08

Author : English_Rose :

It's just one of those things i dont think were ever going to guess. if he dies i might have a breakdown so i hope he lives, he deserves to. Is Rowling really evil enough to kill him?

Author : grumpy7 :

PLEASE, JO, PLEASE SPARE HARRY'S LIFE!
Do you think a "Let Harry live" petition would be of any use?

Author : Elysia :

I can see reasoning for both sides.

Reasons JKR might let Harry live:
1. He's HARRY, for the love of pumpkin juice!
2. It is supposedly a children's book series - why upset the kiddies?
3. Everyone, no matter how rich they are, likes to make more money. Though she says she'll never write any more HP books, if she lets Harry live, then she leaves the option open just in case...
4. A dead hero? Boooo!

Reasons JKR might kill off Harry:
1. No more Harry, supposedly no one can bug her to write more HP books (but of course, they will anyway)
2. To show that Harry is willing to make the ultimate sacrifice.
3. It's her show, and if she started a "children's book series" with a baby's parents getting murdered, what wouldn't she do, really? People and creatures have been brutally murdered throughout the series, so why would Harry be exempt?

Personally, I hope Harry lives. It took me so long to get over Dumbledore's "death" (?) that if Harry dies, I don't think I can be held responsible. I will call in sick to work for at least a week. No kidding. I may have to change my name and move to another country. I just don't know if I can take it.

Author : xhanax315 :

I dont think he'll die. In the words of Trelawney, he'll live to an old age and have lots of children. :)

Author : kash :

???!!!! u think that when she says its "the end of harry’s story" it means harry will survive..??? she could’ve said end of harry potter series.. she said end of harry’s story.. HE IS DEAD.. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH. SHE KILLED HIM.. she actualy killed him. i’m sure of it.. she is mourning cause she kiled him. she has a flare for drammatics. i’m having a break down.

Author : Rictus :

Keeping Harry alive does three things:
1 ) Upsets me!
2 ) Means a bunch of rabid little fangirls/boys will never, ever stop complaining about how they want another book.
3 ) And finally, gives her a boring, cliche look to her books: blah blah, lucky magical kid lives and the bad guy dies, *yawn*; can we move onto better series?

If she kills him, it's the amazingly spectacular ending that people will remember FOREVER.
I know the amount of detail you can put into murdering a main character. Everyone feels sad and sure, you get hated for killing him, but Jo dear: isn't it time to enjoy your 6 [7? 8?] billion?

Author : BurrowGhoul :

:err:
I think any way she ends it will be amazing.

Author : Rictus :

Not for me.
In 5 years, I would forget the ending.

Author : Venom3384 :

DIE! HARRY, DIE! NO HAPPINESS FOR YOU,YOU CRUD. DIE! :rotfl:

Author : Elysia :

How many seconds must tick by until July 21st? They are surely the slowest seconds in the history of mankind....


TICK....





TICK.....





TICK.....






AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


Unfortunately, I very much agree with Elysia. These are the slowest seconds in the history of mankind…

Six

Bright day, just like today, It was a bright day eight years ago. As I recalled it very clearly, June 6 1999, it was such a happy day for me. I was still about 13 back then. With a very little understanding for love, I journeyed my life as what it is, asking nothing more, but hoping so much more. I was so contented the whole day that I chose to remember this date, this number, and let it be my most favorite number.

Today is the ninth Belia day, or what I like to call it : B’Day. The previous ones have been slightly forgotten, unluckily for me who tends to be difficult to remember various ordinary things. It would take an extraordinary event to make me remember, for always.

And so, there are several moments in my life attached to my soul and I’ll never forget them no matter what. They are lovely recollections or else bitter.

But enough for the reminiscences. Today is all about happiness, and yet somehow I can make myself sentimental. I guess that’s just who I am. Even today is not going to be a great, memorable, happy day, I still want to reread this entry at the exact date next week and found out what I was doing last year. I will sure be forgetting all about today, if it is 365 days ahead today. And so this entry is dedicated to me alone, myself. But not my current me, this is for my future me.

I will start with what I have done so far today. I woke up at ten, oh spare me, I’m on vacation. But I did wake up just because one of my friend texted me. I won’t be telling names now. This is a test for you, (or for the future me, I mean) see if you can remember who it is in a year’s time.

And then, I watched Nip/Tuck season two, episode 15 and 16. It’s the finale, you know. Episode 15 was great. It told about two interesting and intense stories. First, Gina came back suddenly and told Christian that she’d been HIV positive. The news broke him, and then he got himself tested. The results would be available in three days. And until then, he was calling all the girls he’d slept with (and it was long list), Kimber and all. At last, he had to call Wilbur and James as well. And it was a very painful scene, to see him examining HIV virus on the baby child he loved and couldn’t have. In the end, Christian, Kimber, Wilbur, and James all turned out to be negative. But it was a very touching scene when he lay there with Gina unconditionally, whispered “thank you” to her. Being there for her was the perfect way to say goodbye. What a show.

And there was The Carver who raped countless victims and was still at large. When he knew that Sean was fixing his victims, he got to Sean. That was the most intense scene. They all framed it well. The finale was excellent. The deal with Ava reached its end. There was Alec Baldwin guest-starring. And there was also about The Carver, where Sean chose to deal with him once and for all, but The Carver was looking after Christian instead. I would love to watch Season Three right away.

After watching that, I was having my lunch. And then I wrote this. My plan for today is to teach a class at three. And then finish this entry at five, having dinner with a friend at seven. And then return home to close the day. See? It’s a usual normal day. There are nothing special about today.

But I admit, I was trying to make something good happen. But then I realized, if it was meant to happen, it will. Boy! When do I get to be so superficial?

A few posts ago, I promised myself to announce what songs I’ve successfully downloaded since then. And It has been so many. I have been able to find a way downloading several songs I want.

Below is the list of all songs I’ve downloaded because I loved every one of them. You should download them yourselves and listen, so that you will know what I’m talking about.

This list is the original list, contains the songs I originally plan to download.

1. Hugh Grant & Drew Barrymore – Way Back Into Love (OST Music and Lyrics)
2. Hugh Grant & Haley Bennett – Way Back Into Love (OST Music and Lyrics)
3. Israel Kamakawiwo’ole – Somewhere over the rainbow (OST 50 First Dates)
4. Patrick Park – Something Pretty (OST the OC)
5. Keane – Somewhere only we know
6. Hugh Grant – Don’t Write Me Off (OST Music and Lyrics)

And then I also downloaded lots of other songs, they are great. Like :

7. Beach Boys – Wouldn’t it be nice (OST 50 First Dates)
8. Adam Sandler – Forgetful Lucy (OST 50 First Dates)
9. Joshua Radin – The One You Knew
10. Lighthouse Family – High
11. West Life – I Miss You
12. Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah
13. Lene Marlin – Playing My Game
14. Maroon 5 – Makes Me Wonder
15. James Taylor – Auld Lang Syne
16. Billy Joel – Auld Lang Syne
17. Barenaked Ladies – Auld Lang Syne
18. (Mixed) Gnarls Barkley and 2Pac – Crazy
19. Bonnie Tyler – Holding Out For A Hero
20. Frou Frou - Holding Out For A Hero (OST Shrek 2)
21. Jennifer Saunders - Holding Out For A Hero (OST Shrek 2)
22. The Lion sleeps tonight (OST The Lion King)
23. Acoustic Alchemy – The Wind of Change
24. Hugh Grant – PoP! Goes My Heart (OST Music and Lyrics)
25. Backstreet Boys – Incomplete (Instrumental)
26. All Star Tribute – What’s Goin’ On?
27. Elton John – I Want Love
28. REM – Imitation of Life
29. Suede – Everything Will Flow

And I am downloading a few songs right now, old songs I've been wanting to since a long time ago. (even Indonesian songs I used to despise.. but can't deny.. they are great!)

30. Unknown - Kemesraan

31. Peterpan Unplugged - Seperti Yang Kau Minta

32. Jamrud - Kabari Aku

33. Fool's Garden - Lemon Tree

34. Jesse McCartney - Because You Live (pending...)

35. Hayley Duff - One in this world (pending...)

And I also did some research about my handsome face for the sake of today. And I found out that my lovely face resembles lots of celebrities'. Here :

http://www.myheritage.com

I mean, HELL! I look like Jang Dong-Gun, Usher, and Nicholas Tse! Hahaha.. It is a great day! But something bothers me though. Kyoko Fukada is fine.. Patrick Stewart is .. still tolerated.. but TYRA BANKS? WTH?? I sounded like a TIRE got BANGed. Hahaha.. But it's OK. At least my child will look like Claire Danes or Kyoko Fukada. Hahahaha..

But all of it unmattered when I tried submit Jesus' face on the next try.

Ross Geller is Jesus???

Now That's Why Rachel has been blessed real damn well. :P

I can't help but thinking that we all look alike somebody else.. whether they're celebrities or animals. You know pets and their good owners should have a real bond together.

They should have some bond between them, right? I wonder how Brad Pitt's dog would look like.

But even with Face Recognition Software, you can't find someone look like US' President.

For Clearer View : Here

Ok. I better stop mocking other people. Today has been quite usual and yet a little unusual. Whatever happens, happens. Happy B'Day to me!

New Story : The Link

It's been a while I haven't written a new short story. I have finally got my free time. So yesterday, as I was thinking about what to do to spend my day more productively (than watching TV and listening to music), I got an idea.. an inspiration about a unique love story. And then, I tried to develop the plot lines, and then I was shocked. The story was complicated, and yet it's still very interesting. A challenge for me to finish. And to be able to accomplish the complete story, I had to cut the whole story into two parts.

And so, now, I proudly present to you (whoever person wants to read a different story-telling for once) the very new short story created by me.

Below are the data.

Title : The Link
Genre : Romance, Drama, Mystery
Part : One of Two
Language : Indonesia/English
Length : 7 pages (in Ms. Word), 2120 words, 11007 characters (space not included)
Disclaimer : All Characters and plotlines are created and owned by Bambang Superwan
Date finished : June 2, 2007

Where is it? : Click Here
Synopsis : (SPOILER ALERT!!!) Highlight to read!

Do you believe in soul-mate? Do you believe of two people are destined to each other and are meant to find each other? This is a story of two people, Lucas, a 20 years old guy from Indonesia who led a very unfortunate lonely life caused by a mysterious thing inside his head; and Michelle, a 19 years old girl from USA whose life was confused by a stranger's constant disturbances.

This is a story of two people with different culture, different language, and different life trying to find each other, and to understand what path of destiny should be taken in the search for love and answer.

Title : The Link
Genre : Romance, Drama, Mystery
Part : Two of Two
Language : Indonesia/English
Length : 9 pages (in Ms. Word), 3034 words, 14108 characters (space not included)
Disclaimer : All Characters and plotlines are created and owned by Bambang Superwan
Date finished : June 5, 2007

Where is it? : Click Here
Synopsis : (SPOILER ALERT!!!) Highlight to read!

When Lucas and Michelle finally found each other, their relationship began to grow to be friends, and then more than friends. Michelle was determined and scared about the connection, while Lucas' faith that the link "was there for a reason" drove him to fall in love with her at the end. But their lives were totally different. For them to be together, they had to overcome their differences first, and then they had to deal with the world, as finding true love isn't as easy as flopping the palm of your hands.

This is the story of two people choosing between to struggle against the destiny or to be honest to themselves and face what should and shouldn't be done.

.

Today's Pictures

These are few pictures I like today. Let's call them : Pictures of the day! Or Whatever.. haha.

I know that someone in my friend list will like this one too, so this is dedicated for her. :P

And here I thought men are Yin and women are Wang

This is Indonesian people's perspectives. Pretty sophisticated, huh?