Optimism

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

What am I seeing right now?

I guess I'm in an unpredictable place in my life. I wanted to change but couldn't. I was desperate for things but I wouldn't do anything about it. It's not that I didn't want to, I did. I wanted to, very much. But something always prevented me to go for it. I was scared and confused, didn't have a clue what to do. I abandoned my blog. I didn't bother to write for weeks. I abandoned my rage site, and the exceeding bandwith from photobucket didn't help me at all. I wished to learn something new as I wanted so much to be in the state of transition. But I wasn't doing that. I was floating aimlessly, with no idea whatsoever what to do in life.

The YesMan Program didn't go quite well because I lacked offers. I wasn't saying that there was none, but every chance I got, which I did, didn't serve me any good. Perhaps the most exciting experience of it all was that night I went to Medan Mall with Novi. There was a guy there, a marketing agent or some sort, asked me to look at something in his hand. It was a perfume. I said yes, remembering that I needed to say yes to everything I used to say no to. So he asked my name and address, saying that I was helping him promoting their products by receiving that perfume gratis. It was OK by me, because at the moment it was gratis. But then it wasn't about the perfume anymore. There were these coupons in envelopes, and he asked me to open it. He said that I would be getting a 10% or 20% discount if I opened a right envelope. I just did what he told me to, I didn't care jack about the discount as I didn't intend to buy anything that evening.

But then the envelope I opened turned out to be the grand price bonus, it said that I'd just won the most expensive product there, a 7 million worth vacuum cleaner. And so he called his friends/staffs, and they were kinda celebrating. They told me that no one had ever won a bonus this big, this expensive. Usually people won a discount voucher, or at best the 2-million product. I won seven millions.

So I just sat there with a big smile on my face, didn't really believe any of that. And then there was this call made by the staff, the call to the company's headquarters in Jakarta. And he made me talking on the phone. The person over there asked me my identity, asked me if I had somehow known the staff personally before opening my envelope, asked me what I'd just won. I told him all the answers he wanted to hear, and then he said that I was legitimate. I won. I could bring the product home that very day. I didn't need to pay any taxes, and I would be appearing inside a home magazine called Nirwala or something.

I was starting to believe, as funny as it may sound. Novi was standing beside me, looking at me with a grin on her face. I didn't expect any of this. But then my instinct told me that this all couldn't be true, because this wasn't a Jim Carrey movie where every yes word could lead me to a fortunate incident. This was a real life, where people tricked and trapped other people to exploit them or fooled them into buying their products.

I thought to myself, if I were to bring the seven million product home, free of any charge, gratis, then I would do it. But as I had expected, it turned out I need to but another four million product in order to get the vacuum cleaner. That's when I realized that I'd wasted my time, and Novi's, and that it was all a setup and trick for people to buy their program. I'd give it to them for trying hard with this nice strategy. Their acting were good, but yeah, I hated them. And then, I just bailed. Novi and I left there and got the dinner we'd planned.

So far, saying yes didn't bring me much luck. Mostly it just wasted my time. But I am more open than I was before because of this program, so I think that that's all that matters.

Yesterday, I began to reinvent myself. I met new people, and I played bowling again. It was very much entertaining. I've forgot how much I loved the game.

So I just keep trying to change. I know it's hard. It's been hard. But I will not give up. NGU, as my friend Erick always says. Never Give Up! I will change in to better. It's just a matter of time.