Optimism

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

What am I seeing right now?

I guess I'm in an unpredictable place in my life. I wanted to change but couldn't. I was desperate for things but I wouldn't do anything about it. It's not that I didn't want to, I did. I wanted to, very much. But something always prevented me to go for it. I was scared and confused, didn't have a clue what to do. I abandoned my blog. I didn't bother to write for weeks. I abandoned my rage site, and the exceeding bandwith from photobucket didn't help me at all. I wished to learn something new as I wanted so much to be in the state of transition. But I wasn't doing that. I was floating aimlessly, with no idea whatsoever what to do in life.

The YesMan Program didn't go quite well because I lacked offers. I wasn't saying that there was none, but every chance I got, which I did, didn't serve me any good. Perhaps the most exciting experience of it all was that night I went to Medan Mall with Novi. There was a guy there, a marketing agent or some sort, asked me to look at something in his hand. It was a perfume. I said yes, remembering that I needed to say yes to everything I used to say no to. So he asked my name and address, saying that I was helping him promoting their products by receiving that perfume gratis. It was OK by me, because at the moment it was gratis. But then it wasn't about the perfume anymore. There were these coupons in envelopes, and he asked me to open it. He said that I would be getting a 10% or 20% discount if I opened a right envelope. I just did what he told me to, I didn't care jack about the discount as I didn't intend to buy anything that evening.

But then the envelope I opened turned out to be the grand price bonus, it said that I'd just won the most expensive product there, a 7 million worth vacuum cleaner. And so he called his friends/staffs, and they were kinda celebrating. They told me that no one had ever won a bonus this big, this expensive. Usually people won a discount voucher, or at best the 2-million product. I won seven millions.

So I just sat there with a big smile on my face, didn't really believe any of that. And then there was this call made by the staff, the call to the company's headquarters in Jakarta. And he made me talking on the phone. The person over there asked me my identity, asked me if I had somehow known the staff personally before opening my envelope, asked me what I'd just won. I told him all the answers he wanted to hear, and then he said that I was legitimate. I won. I could bring the product home that very day. I didn't need to pay any taxes, and I would be appearing inside a home magazine called Nirwala or something.

I was starting to believe, as funny as it may sound. Novi was standing beside me, looking at me with a grin on her face. I didn't expect any of this. But then my instinct told me that this all couldn't be true, because this wasn't a Jim Carrey movie where every yes word could lead me to a fortunate incident. This was a real life, where people tricked and trapped other people to exploit them or fooled them into buying their products.

I thought to myself, if I were to bring the seven million product home, free of any charge, gratis, then I would do it. But as I had expected, it turned out I need to but another four million product in order to get the vacuum cleaner. That's when I realized that I'd wasted my time, and Novi's, and that it was all a setup and trick for people to buy their program. I'd give it to them for trying hard with this nice strategy. Their acting were good, but yeah, I hated them. And then, I just bailed. Novi and I left there and got the dinner we'd planned.

So far, saying yes didn't bring me much luck. Mostly it just wasted my time. But I am more open than I was before because of this program, so I think that that's all that matters.

Yesterday, I began to reinvent myself. I met new people, and I played bowling again. It was very much entertaining. I've forgot how much I loved the game.

So I just keep trying to change. I know it's hard. It's been hard. But I will not give up. NGU, as my friend Erick always says. Never Give Up! I will change in to better. It's just a matter of time.

Saying Yes

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Who thought that watching Jim Carrey's movie last night really affected me in a way like the movie Lost in Translation did? I was inspired and knocked out of my senses while I realized that the first 20 minutes of that movie reminded very much of my lie. Jim carrey was living a very boring and depressing life in a routine cycle, he was obsessing about his past, like I did, and he hated his job but still went through with it, like I did, plus he spent his spare time watching DVDs, totally like I did.

Man! He was me. It was my life. The movie should have been named WAKE UP YOU STUPID!

Soon after realizing all of it, I began to love the movie. I sat upright at once, paying the most tangible attention.

YES MAN is a movie which concentrates on the life of a guy like me, who refuses to change his pathetic life until at one point he realizes that he needs to change. He follows his friend's advice to attend a motivational seminar about SAYING YES to eveything so one can become more spontaneous hence opening many opportunities to make life more challengeful. Becoming a Yes Man means you must say yes to every offer that comes before you, or at least that's what Jim Carey thinks.

It's a hilarious comedy pretty much alike Liar Liar, where Jim was cursed to never lie for a day. Both of them are now my two of most my favourite movies. I think, after watching this movie, I felt like I wanted to be like Carl, the character who Jim Carrey played.

He chose to act spontaneously and he found that his life's a better place for it. So right after watching it, I made a promise (or a covenant, according to the movie) that I will be saying YES to most of the offers given to me from today, and then see what happens next. You never know. I'm excited really. Probably because I'm feeling that this is the answer to the change I was referring in my previous entry. I'm so excited because I think ( I hope ) that my life is on its way for the better. I'm excited because I'm about to find something, or perhaps someone new. I won't live for the old me. I will live the new me. I'm saying YES!

But like I said above, I will only say YES to most of the offers. I won't be as dramatically crazy as Carl, because deep down inside, no matter how right the movie's message can be, it's still a movie, though it's based on a true story of someone who did this YES program himself.

Am I a YES MAN?

Will I find a girl like Allison?

Will I be happy?

YES!

Things are about to change. Ask me anything. Like Allison said : "Maybe I will do it".