Old and ... well, Young

[OK, For the record (or something), this entry is just what I do out of my usual hazy mazy loco mind... so to speak.]


What day is today?


What day is today?


What? Say again?


Well, today is supposed to be Old `n (well) Young, the special day, the last day of the year, the day when you make a closure to everything, the day when you prepare a resolution to the new year ahead, the day that is actually one normal day which you need to make special by doing some special unforgettable things so that this day will be unforgettable, uneraseable that one day in the far future you can recall this day, this time, to be one of your favourite days ever!



HOOOAAAHHH !!! That's one damn long sentence!




"What are you doing today?"

"Don't you have plans today?"

"Aren't you going out with your girlfriend to celebrate today, you know?"

"What the hell are you doing sitting at home, playing Grand Theft Auto, onlining in Neverland when everybody's out there watching fireworks being sputtered to the dark blue sky?"

"Aren't you gonna do something, for God's sake, it's Old `n N...."

.
.
.
.

That's what basically people say to me when they meet me today.







OK, I have an absolutely free day with no plan whatsoever!!!! BIG freaking DEAL!!!!






"Oh, come on... at least say it! You wanna spend tonight doing nothing, "wishing" that you had some better plans arranged before? It's old and ... uh...."



"You have to at least say it..."

"Ok, repeat after me..."

"It's..."

It's...

"Old"

Old

" ... and ... "

... and ...

"... New."

... New.

"Now say it all together..."

"It's Old and New."





It's Old and .... well, Young.

Story - of My Life -

Now, I was supposed to write a new entry about Backstreet Boys. Then I was unable to because my brother hasn't returned my CD. And then I was supposed to write a story of my life, recounted my past in one entry, about my junior high, about my highschool, about Meiwina, Susan, Anni and else, about my friendship with el_se7en's founder Erick, Buchan, Liting, Jimmy, Dabin and else.., about my one year in Jakarta, about my returning to Medan, about my detailed chapter of Anni's plane crash, about my funny relationship with Jacqueline, about my new blog, about my lonely life and my suicidal minds, about my obsession in TV Series, Friends, Harry Potter, Naruto, and else.. and about how they all are pointless.

I began to write those stories for an half hour but then I deleted them all. It was really pointless, to have a story no one bothers. I don't even bother....


But that's a lie, I do care. I think I just want other people to too. But now is not the time to get all self-torturing again. So, this entry is about a song, instead. About one song I incidentally found last night and I liked it in a heart beat.

This is what's in the song :

But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to

Funny huh? How a song foretold this entry...

Song lyrics | The Story lyrics

In the end, I just want to say Happy Christmas to my friends.

I miss my friends, and because I don't have anything better to do, I will just say this to some people I miss, whether they'll know and read about this or not...

I miss my friends, and I want to say Happy Christmas to you.

Happy Christmas, Erick! You have been my first closest friend, and you're good at it :) Congratulations about your new ... whom I just found out yesterday. Why didn't you tell me earlier? Really miss you. Hope to see you again.

Happy Christmas, Jacq! I haven't seen or heard from you for weeks. Are you OK? Are you reading this? Contact me, OK. I miss you.

Happy Christmas, Buchan! I hope you can get back here some time, you and all of our old gangs. I really miss you all.

Happy Christmas, Novi! Thank you for accompanying me through these days. I feel really auspicious to have known you.

Happy Christmas, Meiwina! I know we had our moments and history, but I wish we have more. I want to too. I hope we meet again real soon.

Happy Christmas, Jimmy! It's been a long time since we last met. Remember the Thursday when both of us were caught by two cops? two damn cops in one day. How unfortunate! Haha.. I wish I can see you now, you are one of my friends I can share so much to, you know what I mean?

Happy Christmas, Liting! Wherever you are right now (and whispers say you are in Jakarta working), I hope you for all the best. Hope we meet again some time.

Happy Christmas, Dabin! Man! You're so far away that I want to punk your head. Come back once, would you? We all miss you here. I still can remember all those times we cracked each other's laughs in your place, or in Dufan, when Jimmy slammed himself to a mirror... LOlz.

Happy Christmas, Anni! You have been a part in my life and I hope the best for you in times to come. Never give up, I know you won't. I wonder if you'll be back for Chinese New Year.

Happy Christmas, Windy and Lin aka Erich the SonikBotak! How are you guys? I really miss you and all our times back then. If I can turn back time, I will definitely revisit those times. I hope we can see each other again, one day.

Happy Christmas, Harianto! You are always busy huh? Don't forget to call me when you're in town.

Happy Christmas, Lomar, Vanny, Cherry, Ivana, and Alex... wherever you guys are tonight. It's been an honour to dance with you, one of the best memories of my life!

Happy Christmas, Riki Lidian! Man! It's always a great day when you're back in Medan. You're one of the smartest guy I know. I know bright future lies ahead of you.

Happy Christmas, Iswandi! Hah! What are you doing now? You are my only unique friends who can ( and doesn't afraid to) sing, dance as Robbie Williams, dance latino-ishly with fake Shakira, write poetries, become a Gusdur, and so much more. Miss you, man!

Happy Christmas, Nico! My funky Math Friend. Wherever you are, take care man! Contact me when you're back.

Happy Christmas, Shari! You are my far far away get-away friend. It's been a while since we last chatted. One day, I will make it to Minnesota. Hehe...

and at last, but not least...

Happy Christmas, my blog! You have been with me for more than a year. That's cool! I promise to stay with you for at least coupleteen years to come.

Through The Glass

People say we're watching our lives through a glass
I know you're out there holding on, holding out for me
Maybe you'll take me by surprise
Will you be the one I had in mind

I've been visiting illusionary websites for several hours today and I think it's time to stop for a second and recount my "reality" last night to you. All I did today are now posted below altogether with my story last night.

So I went to Sun Plaza last night to have a dinner with Novi. It's been more than two months after my last visit to Sun Plaza. I remember the last time I was there, I watched "The Brave One". Feels like a long time ago.

My evening was enjoyable. I can't remember when the last time I was feeling as relaxed as last night. It's like I had nothing pressing against my shoulder, my mind was more lighter than ever. I felt happy. Thanks should go to Novi.

Whenever I browsed to other people's blogs, whether they're famous or not, they always captured a picture of their food. I don't know if there's some kind of "tradition" among bloggers to photograph their meals before they digest it, probably they want to remember what goes in their stomach, make them memorable... or they just want other people to see what it is they eat.

I rarely take pictures of my meals, delicious or not. But last night, I did. As to why, I don't know... maybe I just like to try something. He He.

These curry-friedrice and classical-friedrice were not tasty, and now I'm wondering why I took these pictures in the first place.

And like I said before, I had my hair cut last night. I have always been a not-know-it-all when it comes to hair style. It's so-not my favourite subject and it is so-not my area of expertise. I have no clue how to properly answer a barber or a hair-cutter (whatever it is they're calling it today) what style do I want. So last night, I spotted a guy with a cool hair style and I said that I wanted to have a cut like his.

He understood, the one who cut my hair. I watched the whole progress of my hair-transform. There was a moment when my hair looked very much like Sylar's here below and I thought that it was kind of cool. If only I could stop him right there and said : "Hey. I'm already a Sylar. Stop! Stop cutting me."

But I didn't. And so he kept cutting and left me with a new different style of hair. I liked it at a first sight, but the more I looked at my image on the mirror, the more disgusted I became. I just never had a hair style like it before, so "punk-y". I dare not take a clearer picture after. But I had promised to take one when I wrote my previous entry, so I had Novi captured one or two for me. She didn't get my hair completely so you can't really see the "upper" part of my new haircut.

That's the before-and-after pictures of me. The first one was taken by my sister when I attended my cousin's wedding party at Grand Kowloon about a month ago. The second one was yesterday's. See.. the unsuccessful Sylar hair which you can't see clearly and wholly. :P

So that's it about my semi-disastrous hair.

Now about my accident. Yep, I had another motorbike accident last night when I got back from Sun plaza. A motoric pedicab went stupid and careless when I was moving constantly next to it. That stupid pedicab turned left suddenly, not knowing I was beside him. In a split second, despite my ear-breaking klaxon, it hit me and I fell, so did my smashie.

At first I thought my tire was bended somehow because when I lifted her she couldn't roll. But it turned out my brake pedal was the bended one, strangely angled and pushed so the tire stuck.

I managed to let it go and got smashie all "operative" again, except I couldn't use the bended pedal no more on my way home. The pedicab driver did nothing as I scolded him and blamed him for turning suddenly without looking. Eventually, he went away leaving me all pissed and sweaty. I had a bleeding toe and a bruised elbow. Nothing serious though.

That was the second accident I had in two months. One accident per month. Either I was uncannily unfortunate or I had a super careless driving skill.

When I arrived home and treated my injuries, I wished I had Claire's ability. But if I can choose one, I would surely ask for Hiro's time manipulation.

Speaking of Heroes, I can't wait for its third installment. Whatever happens to Nathan? But to ease the longings, I download some of the graphic novels of the series. Quite interesting if you like heroes. The comics comes with few additional bonus pictures, behind the scenes or sorts. I collected them all and I thought it would be cool to post some on this blog. Hehe.. Check them out.

Peter and Nathan right after the bomb exploded

Matt and his "cello". :D

Adrian Pasdar's scary face.

The all-cute girls-adored Peter Petrelli, and Caitlin. Just Caitlin. :P

The cast at Emmy Awards.

And why, even Mr. Muggles!

So I guess it's time to close this long-enough entry. I should come back later with my Backstreet Boys special edition entry! Hahaha.. Nothing too special lar... but the BSB post has been on my mind for several days and I couldn't write it because of my brother... hm... more details later.. hehehe.. this is the preview :

Helpless when she smiles...

I can think of some girls who make me feel "helpless" when she smiles... hahaha.. but I ain't gonna tell you. Not right now at least. :P

Last but not least, I created a new gif today, one that I like, and it's the main idea of my entry here... cause I'm looking through my life as I'm looking through a glass right now. Everything blends in, Everyone blurred in and out. Friends and relationships. Everytime I close my eyes, I see one of my friends flashing in my mind...

I think what I'm trying to say is I miss my friends... wherever they are...

and for my soul mate... I know, everytime I listen to the song "Unmistakable", that you are out there somewhere... waiting for me... but I am wondering so many things...

People say we're watching our lives through a glass
I know you're out there holding on, holding out for me
How are we to know the time is right
What if you're here and I'm just blind



Please look in the camera, my friend! :)

The Diary Syndrome

At some point, this blog must have some journal-like entries rather than some cryptic aimless babblings. So for that matter, this entry will be written in that format --- a diary.

Last night is one of those nights when I did something unpredictable. It was not a boring night, but it wasn't a great night either. I resigned from my night job.

I guess teaching has been reaching the point of dull to me. I didn't blame myself for feeling this way, since I've had very few days marked as "memorable". The other days, let's say they're just "ordinary". No surprises. Work after work, classes after classes. And in the end, the all people I saw are my students (and their mothers).

I can't take it. I became a boring person. Not enjoying my life. A repetitive kind of man. Unless I quit some of my teaching class and start to think of new things to do.

When I was about to tell my students and their mother about my resignation, I was feeling nervous. It's probably because I had never done anything like this before (except that one time I quited from a 2 months stupid class, but this was different). Or maybe it's because I was relinquishing my responsibilities. But come to think of it, It's not like I abandoned them in the middle of the semester exams, I did this after the big exam and as the matter of fact, yesterday was my final day teaching for that semester. I just made it the final day, period.

When I got home, their mother was calling my cell phone, unwillingly persuading me to come back. She asked for detailed explanations for my abrupt resignation and tried to come out a solution for me. She even offered me a raise (though not significant enough, IMO), a shorter class, and she even said that I was the best teacher they'd ever had (not being arrogant) and that she trusted me enough to take care of her children.

I, on the other hand, thought differently. As far as I concerned, teaching there was not the greatest thing, the students were more childish than ever. I could remember countless moments when I thought I was a bit stress facing their naughtiness. But that was work, huh?

So I, feeling slightly guilty, kept saying no to her. I knew that I would never come back to them again, persistently.

And so with the two hours off my back, I felt relieved, to tell the truth. I will have to teach until 8, but only 8, compared to before, I was to teach until 10 at night. Perhaps this way I can live my life more happily.

***

I have commenced my vacation, the one I've been waiting for since the last four weeks. I am so happy today, to wake up thinking I have a more promising future. It turns out my job was the one that hold me from living my life. As of today, I really wish I can get a new and better job. But before that time comes, I shall teach.

Today's plan is not quite bad. I get to see my old friend, Novi, for dinner. I plan to have my hair cut and ... what is there to say? I just live my life differently from now on.

If you are some of my close friends (which is not a long list, believe me), then you should know that I have been such a complainer, complain about this and that.. and most of the time... it's about how pathetic my life has been.

I cannot not admit that I was that man, and probably still am. But things can change, slowly though. Time after time, some things are just unpredictable.

About my hair... It has been very messy and ugly. It's so long that I dare not take a photo of myself these past few days. But I promise to take one after I cut my hair later today.

It's twenty past five already. I think I should get going. More to come, and more cheerful ones too, I promise.


.

I am so itching to...

- sleep all day long

- watch Prison Break Season 3

- get my fu**ing vacation

- watch "I am Legend"

- watch "Star Dust"

- have a moment of peace and happiness

- BUY BACKSTREET BOYS's NEWEST ALBUM UNBREAKABLE WHY ON FREAKING EARTH HAVEN'T I LAID MY HANDS ON ONE OF THE COPIES OF THE MOST INSPIRING ARTIST IN MY LIFE AND WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING RIGHT NOW??? GO GO GO..... BUY THE DAMN CD ALREADY!!!!!!

Hahaha...


It was my outburst, I'm sorry. But really, I don't know why I kept procrastinating... I need to listen to the album, NOW!!!


OK. I had it! I'm going to buy it RIGHT NOW.



Ok.


Ok..


See ya BACK STREET BOYS!



I'm BACK!




HOHOHOHO....

Naked

This is what I am thinking right now...

"Naked smile, Fake smile. Naked Life, Fake Life."

And then that thought got me think of another thought...

"Why is everything in life is always complicated? It's so full of pretending, untruthful honesty, fake smiles, and friendship in disguise."

And that got me in to thinking...

"How can we find happiness in this dirty-world, with lies and bogus in every turn? How can't one be confused?"

It led me to this...

"How am I supposed to overcome the lies and fraudulences? Do I pretend too, like other people? So that I can be the same as their kind?"

"Or Should I just give up? And then be cut off from life? From social life? From Friends and Romance? With Loneliness in every nanosecond of my life?"

I stood up... thinking...

"No! I can't be cut off. I am lonely enough as it is..."

"So I must find a way to bear this concocted life. I should be more blunt in life. Bare. I should be naked."

"Why can't people do things truly, from their hearts? Why can't you be more open-minded? Why can't I be more naked about everything?"

"Is being naked equivalent to being transparent? Invisible?"

Look at these pictures. They are having a very much naked life (both metaphorically and literally) and yet they are just happy about it.

His name is "Khiau Lo", visits my house every now and then foraging, asking for foods in "meow" language. He's named Khiau Lo because of his tempered skins and scars everywhere on his belly, and he always comes with "Yellow".


His name is "Yellow", as his skin shows. He's fat, and yet likes to eat very much. He has a brother (whom he fights often) named Khiau Lo. He only speaks in "meow" language. I can understand a bit. He was eating chicken in the pic above. I gave him.

Credit of this image : http://www.discountcs.com/adam/becca/6months.html


Look how naked people also "speak". We don't have to burden ourselves with lies and disguise. If you love it, love it. If you hate it, hate it. If you love me, say so. If you hate me, so be it.
Click to enlarge.

Why can't we?


I was doing something I knew it was wrong and morally gray. But it felt really good and so I kept doing that... despite everyone's may-ignorance/disagreements. I show a few certain people how sometimes things are clearer and better when they're naked.

I won't have to present anymore fake smiles, when I can present a naked one.

It got me thinking of a song by Simple Plan.

" Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding "

The more I think of that song, the more I aware the resemblances between my life and ... well... his.

I just want to sing this song below some time... and mean it.

" So she said what's the problem baby
What's the problem I don't know
Well maybe I'm in love (love)
Think about it every time
I think about it
Can't stop thinking 'bout it


Well baby I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream
Never ever end of all this love
Well I didn't mean to do it
But there's no escaping your love "

But I guess the time has not come...


... yet.



So much for the cosmic law of my "naked thoughts".
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