Old School

Two days ago, I got a text message from someone I didn’t know. The number +62818******* appeared below a very stupid yet interesting line :

“Good afternoon. Can I do anything for you?”

Wakz. What the hell? Who is this person? Is he lost? Is he a God? Or pretend to be? Or is he a she?

And so I replied :

“Good afternoon. Yes, you can. Please buy me a notebook, stranger.”



Few minutes later, there were two replies.

“Here, I bought you a "notebook".”

"Been a very arrogant person, haven't you? I'm here in town and you don't even call me."



Frowning, since I didn't know whose number that was, I replied hastily. This was the next conversation.



Me : "Haha. Who are you? I didn't know this number."



Stranger : "I'm Candy ar... Somse..."



Me : "Haiya, how should I know? You used a random number and suddenly asked me if you could do anything for me. So what's up? In Medan, aren't you?"



(by that time, I really thought she was Candy though a little confused, since I knew two Candys. One in Medan, and one in Malaysia. But I thought she couldn't be Malaysian, judging by her way of speaking."



Candy : "You turned to be so humourless. Where to go? I have unlimited free time."



Me : "And you have too much humour I couldn't understand no more.My work will be finished in 2 days' time. So Thrusday or Friday shall do it. What do you think?"



Candy : "Thursday I will go to Mikie Holiday with friends. How are you doing?" (and yet she said to have unlimited free time :P)



Me : "Me? I have been so busy that I've been bored, stressed out, tired, depressed, and fat. So to summarize, I am being spectacular! Hehe. What about you?"



Candy : "Not soo good. Usual, you know.. love problem. And what about your love problem?"



(and at this point, I was slightly wondering... the Candy I know isn't this straight forward. She was kinda introvert and very religious.)



Me : (answering her question) "Have you ever known someone so right to you that you knew it at once? But on the other hand, she didn't feel the same?"



Candy (?) : "Why? Maybe it's not about not feeling the same, maybe it's about not brave enough to confess it? If it were me, as a girl, guys must come first! Are this happening to you? You can share it with me, you know?"



Me : "Not brave enough, yes. But probably also 'not interested' is written all over her face. How can I know how she feels? Can you help?"



Candy (??) : "I can help you. Step One : Tell me about her. Who's she? What is she look like? Where did you meet?"



(Well, I was quite hesitated to tell her everything since I was starting to suspect if she really was Candy. So I made it cryptic.)



Me : "She's my old friend. And I think we're pretty close. Her name is Cy."



Candy (???) : "You mean, she is .. me...."



When I read this, I was half surprised and half laughing for a second... before I was laughing and NOT surprised anymore. She couldn't be Candy. Candy I knew wasn't this GR and this straight for.. just not this way.



Me : "Ha? No ar.. Her name is Sherry. I called Cy because that's her nick online. Cy = Cyber."



I was lying to say her name was Sherry. I don't know a Sherry. There was no way I would tell her or whoever this person, the real name of Cy. She's definitely lying to me too, I just didn't know who she was and I had no proof.



NOT Candy : "You scared me. Cy... Candy... but I am happy if it were me. Btw, is she from Sutomo 1? Same class? Same year?"



I thought I should keep playing with him/her, until I find his/her real identity. I was vaguely familiar with the phone number.. wondering where I have seen it.



Me : "You scared me there too. If she was Candy, would that be you'd accept me? :P She's in the same school with me."



Definitely NOT Candy : "Since when you two in one class? Since when you two be closed to each other?"



(Frowning again.. and then continued lying... )



The Lying Me : "Why do you ask so many questions? What if we meet and talk about it tomorrow. I have free time from 12 to 5."



(See how he got out of this one.)



NOT Candy : "If I don't ask, how can I help? Ok. But Where?"



Me : "Whereever you want. Sun Plaza is good. We can talk in foodcourt. Lunch together?"



NOT Candy : "OK. But you text me before you go. Off to sleep now. Nite."



Me : "OK. I will call you at 12 t'morrow. Nite. Cya."



And when I thought she wouldn't reply..



DEFINITELY NOT CANDY : "Just text me. Good nite..."







That's when my suspicious became very clear. She wouldn't have me called her because she didn't want me to hear her not-Candy voice. Maybe a guys' voice. Probably a guy.



So I checked my phonebook to see if I could match a name with the number. At midnight, I got it. HE was my old friend from High School, used to tease poeple and play mind games with them. Hehehe.. One of my best friends, though.



The reason I didn't know before is because his number was duplicated in my phone's contact list. And therefore his name couldn't appear eventhough he's on that list. But that made me think, why was he so stupid to screw with me with his phone number he knew I knew? Perhaps he didn't mean to screw me before. Perhaps he was surprised I didn't know his number and then an idea came to his mind. Yeah.. perhaps that. :P



So the next day, I went to Sun Plaza at the promised time. He was one hour too late. I was waiting in Gramedia Bookstore for him. After feeling numb and annoyed, I got out and walked around the building. I tried calling him. Wanted to see how he reacted. As I had suspected, he nudged my calls and ignored them completely. I was getting more certain that he's a hoax. And then, at 2 p.m. as I was spying the Gramedia from a distant, I finally got my proof. I saw my dear old friend...

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... the Great Master of Screwing People Budi Chandra, except he was failed this time. Sort of... :D

At the end, we just hung out and talked. After one year and four months since we last spoke face to face, he was quite mean to call me "at the second day before he went back Bandung". He had been back to Medan for a week and more without me knowing. What a bastard. Hahaha.

And this is him. Actually, I just wanted to take the Baskin Robbins but his stupid face sneaked in. Haha..

I know he'll be furious to see me putting his picture here.. hahaha.. If you read this.. Hello Chan *waving..*

I don't have my pictures here. I'm not that narcistic! ^.^ V

At last.. it's just great meeting old friends. It's a shame it's only him and not the whole gang. It'd be fun.

Cyber L : Promise. Will it be?

The Cyber Life, it can give you a cyber friend, a cyber enemy, or a cyber love.

I used to believe any kind of relationship between anykind of two people in any circumstances, is real. You can count on it to really happen in your real life, because it is a real life, no matter how cyber-ish it is. A friend from cyber world is a real friend. A crush from cyber world has a great opportunity to materialize in the real life. I used to believe that everything will work its way out. Because it has to. They are two different but well linked with each other. I used to believe that cyber love is a real love you can count on. I don't think I do anymore.

However hard I've tried, whatever way I choose to turn it back, I can't help myself but to think my cyber life has been only cyber... after all. It's not real.

Since a long time ago, I've found many people thru the cyber life, the internet. They've all got their own uniqueness. They were all special and changed my life in some ways I never guessed would be. There were NV, Arion, and Cy. But the greatest effects -- and by far the cruelest -- is Cy.

I met Cy a few years back. She was amazingly unique and she's a whole person. At first I didn't pay her much attention, because I was so lost for someone back then. Someone in my real life. That someone didn't work out. Though that someone lived in the real world, but I knew that hers was a very different world than mine. That's when I used some almost-stranger Cy to distract me, as a rebound or something. Quite successful. I was distracted. Instead, I learnt about her life and more about mine. What's more was our seemingly connected life. It was weird but was felt real.

Then I started to obsess with her. Began to be more active in my cyber life, now that it could bring me some happiness I couldn't find elsewhere.

I was deeply infatuated. I did all the things that would connect me to her even more. I used her as a tool to gain happiness and relieve. I adored her and began to put hope of myself on her. But sometimes when I knew that it was all inside a computer, that all of it was written and said over a monitor, I realized something. That even this was far more worse than "that someone" before. This had no future whatsoever. Was it? No, I didn't think so, since she and I lived with a very wide distant between us. But I chose to ignore it. I wouldn't want my flame of hope to extinguish. Not yet.

But then, life happened. Coincidence mattered. I couldn't be happier. Finally, after a long time waiting for the impossible to happen, I could melt the wall between us and turn the 'cyber' curse into a real life opportunity. There was finally a possibility--though very slight, that she and I could be together.

That's when Cy changed.

There is something I don't understand about her. And that something makes me unable to be there for her. That something draws us apart. We can't be together. Not now. I confused and disappointed.

Does cyber love always stay cyber? Can't it be brought to my real life. Can't I live my cyber life, and just that? Perhaps I was wrong to believe. Perhaps all the things I've felt and gone thru was a disguise, a lie, or perhaps she's only a masquerader to fulfill my semi-hope which was, hopeless in the end.

or perhaps she's goddamn real and she just doesn't want me. Yeah. That's probably it. I mean, look at me. The story of my life. Haven't I lived a true life before? Where all the challenges and excitements do happen in my dear life?

No, they don't. They never happen. So why should this?

Today I listen to a song which is full of hope. This song touches me, breaks my heart when I see how it resembles this case. Though I can't say it to you clearly and openly, I hope this cryptic entry changes something. Perhaps when a miracle caress your shoulder and point your eyes on to this... you shall know... this ... this thing I can't say. This impossible thing about you and me, Cy.

When you're close to tears remember

Some day it'll all be over

One day 'we're gonna get so high

And though it's darker than December

What's ahead is a different colour

One day 'we're gonna get so high

I still believe in us, Cy. And I do believe in this song...

Don't you think it's time you started

Doing what we always wanted

One day 'we're gonna get so high

'Cause even the impossible is easy

When we got each other

One day 'we're gonna get so high

And at...

The end of the day

We'll remember the days

We were close to the edge

And we'll wonder how we made it through

And at...

The end of the day

We'll remember the way

We stayed so close to till the end

We'll remember it was me and you

'Cause we are gonna be forever you and me

You will always keep me flying high in the sky of love

I hold the cyber life inside of me, why do you hold the real one?

Summer Buzz!

Well, even after Spiderman 3 and Shrek the Third, there are still many great summer movies I won't miss. It's a great thing for me to enjoy in this misty time of my life. I can't wait any longer to be free from work which has been weighing on my head all weeks. Four days left. Tick Tock Tick.

And now, for my own pleasure that is too great not to share to you... here're some trailers I found fascinating, promising, and don't forget awesome.

Pirates of Caribbean 3 : At World's End :

Fantastic Four 2 : The Rise of the Silver Surfer :



Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix :



The Bourne Ultimatum :



Transformers :



Evan Almighty :



Hostel Part 2 :



and National Treasure 2 : Book of Secrets :



And to make it perfect, I will end my Heroes season one tonight! Here's a preview:

Heroes Season 1 Finale :



Could this Summer "be" any worse? Haha. That's true. I really need this.

A Better Life, pathetic?

Never in my life, before, I imagined my life could be more inadequate. I had always thought it'd be more steady and normal. Far more happy than I am now. Today I feel so poor. If there was someone invisible following me this entire day, my life would be such a laughable joke to him. I never intended a life like this, but I couldn't help it and I...

I have tried my best to enjoy what's seemed to be my life. I have no regrets, at least no more regrets than after I surfed my friends' life over the internet. It was such a disturbing highlight of pictures and moments before me. Ones I've missed.

Have I done enough? Have I tried this and that? Have I experienced these and those? Well, the truth is.. I haven't. None of them. Zero. Nil. Null. Tada. Damn.

I have lost so much time and moments of my life, as if I was abducted in the cruelest way someone could never imagined. That, I never thought I am living it.

Oh how I wish for a better life. To start over and to do it over again. Somewhere new and somewhere far away. And in that parallel life, I have money and friends. I meet my soul mate and she's perfect. If the reality can't hold such a lie, then I shall make it on my own. Sneak the ef to make a lie, a life.

I am sitting alone in a comfortable small blue couch, gazing through the glassy walls and beyond. I am not feeling lonely, though, since I am waiting for my incoming soulmate, Seraphina. She's a better version than Cy. A more understanding one.

She knocks at my door and I let her in. Her smile is so a sight for a sore eyes. I love her and she loves me. I grab her hand and she puts hers around my neck. We walk together, holding hands, and sit down. The air is so warm and peaceful.

We are planning to climb a mountain, so she starts to pack and find a lot of things and puts them on my bag. I tell her to include flashlights and batteries as well. She nods and laughs at me and mutters sweetly about an impossible thing to forget. I didn't really listen to her because my mind is thanking the God for what a beautiful life He have given me. Oh yeah, I do believe in God.

A few days later, we arrive at our friends' house. Sarah and Peter. Both of them has just been attending their convocations earlier that day. They have been a couple for God, how can I remember. I remember the time when Sarah and Sera got locked in a hotel room with no way out. Cellphones are dead, and they barely had enough air energy to shout our name. Meanwhile, Peter and I (who by the way, have been bestfriends since we founded our little Group el_se7en in highschool) are both on the Fun Land looking for our girls. And we ended up riding the rollercoaster twelve times before we recalled what our real plan to the FunLand was. We found the girls back in out rooms, where they have lain to sleep. I kiss Sera on her forehead. She woke up and smiled at me, one thing I will not remember for the rest of my life...

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My twenty minutes is up. I have no time and have to be back to my nightmare. Please help me.

Please.

Once in a lullaby

I spy with my little eye. Something beginning with an "L".

Oh, It seems like forever has stopped today. All the lonely hearts in Medan caught a plane and flew away. All the best women are married, all the handsome men are gay. Will you survive?

When there's no love in town, this new century keeps bringing me down. And in all places I have been, I'm still trying to find : a Love supreme.

Oh and I spy with my little eye. Something beginning with a "W".

I've been living with a shadow overhead, I've been looking for someone to shed some light, I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine, I've been lonely for so long...

I've been searching but I just don't see the signs, I know that it's out there... somewhere... there's gotta be something for my soul somewhere.

There are even moments when I don't know if it's real, or if anybody.. just one person who feels the way I feel. I need to find that person and I need to do it now. Not just another negotiation.

All I wanna do is find my way back into love, cuz if I open my heart again... I'm hoping you'll show me what to do, when everything starts again... I know for today and for always, I will be there for you in the end.

I spy with my little eye. Something beginning with an "S".

So here I am. Three years since 2004. All the same and still. Where have I been?

I've walked a hundred miles in tobacco skin. My clothes are worn and gritty. And I know.. I know ugliness. Don't need to tell me. Now show me something pretty.

I was a dumb kid with everything to lose. I still am one now. But having everything to lose strangely feels like having nothing to lose. Life's has been so difficult these days that I feel like a too much weight for a walking shoe.

And as for loneliness, it greets me every morning.

I don't want people to say

"You're a hopeless son who's hardly there"

or to think

"You're an open sign that always busted"

or

"You're a friend in need but can't be trusted..."

I fly without my little eye, there's something beginning with an "H" over the rainbow.

Way up high...

I see stars are real.. world is green... and I see them bloom for me and you...

and I couldn't help but think.. what's a wonderful world.

I see stars to shine.. the brightness is happy... and so is there on people's faces.

I see them passing by. Friends shaking hands saying "How do you do?"

They're really saying "I ... "

"I love you."

I hear babies crying and I watch them grow. They'll learn much more than me and you...

And I think to myself : What a wonderful world...

Someday I wish upon a star. Wake up where all the clouds are far behind me. Where trouble melts like lemon drops, high above the chimney top that's where you'll find me.

Heaven is no more on the ground. It's over the rainbow but you can't fly.

I spy with my little eye. Something beginning with this lie... everything wished in this life...

will all come true once in a lullaby.

.

Friday the 13th?

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, the fifth movie will be released on July 13, 2007. That is Friday. Now, I have nothing against the number 13, unlike some people. In fact, recently, the number 13 has been a great number to me. Like maybe I was able to download 13 songs yesterday. 13! The truth is that I was very surprised to be able to do that, because my internet connection here, in Indonesia, what the word... SUCK.

And yet I could successfully download 13 mp3s and 1 trailer of Harry Potter 5 movie. Here's the twist : The average speed of downloading was 13kbps. Yap! That's right. Thirteen might just give a chill then. 13 kbps! I know it sounds bad to you.. totally slow and lame.. but here, you would thank your GOD when your so-called-net was able to download at such speed. Usually it's 5kbps, 4kbps, or at worst : 1kbps before the download failed.

It's only a fairytale when you can download at 64kbps here. Not with this lousy connection.

Wow.. look I'm wandering!

So, what's more to the number 13 except that premiere date?


Well.. I've noticed several official posters of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix on the net. And here're the complete list :


((oh... and by the way, There are 13 of them))

And there I thought Harry Potter was a big movie enough to require such many posters and promotions.

What? Another number 13 twist? Well... it will be weirder if I post this one tomorrow, the 13. But that would sound intentional, wouldn't it?

Songs you have to LISTEN

Downloading mp3s from the net is probably not the most ethical (or even illegal) way. But it's quite the easiest and the cheapest way. So pardon me for trying to listen to some artistic works I can't have by ordinary legal ways. If downloading freely from internet sounds illegal for you, so be it.

These are few of my download list. Most and almost and (yes...) all of them are great songs and deserved to tickle you ear. (Of course! Why did you download them if they're not good?) So don't judge before you listen. They are in fact, my favourites.

Songs I want to download at this moment :

1. Hugh Grant & Drew Barrymore - Way back into love

reading my last post, it would be so ridiculous (and indescribeably painful) if I don't "have" this song. But it wasn't easy. I still don't have the song. I am trying to get and download it. Right now, finally, I have a way to do tat. And I'm going to download it as soon as possible.

2. Hugh Grant & Haley Bennett - Way back into love

My Music and Lyrics collection won't be completed without this one... what a great song. It inspires me to learn more of making my own music and lyrics.

3. Hugh Grant - Don't write me off

I always appreciate (and love) sad songs. And this song is perfect. It's about regret and confession. I love it and I MUST have it.



4. Patrick Park - Something Pretty

I still am having a trouble locating this song (quite rare than I thought). I hope I still get time to download it today.... if I can find it. I found this song from the OC. It was damn beautiful. When Seth Cohen declared his love to Summer Roberts on the coffee table.. this song played. Perfectly.



5. Leonard Cohen - Hallelujah

Leonard is the original performer of the great song "Hallelujah". This is my all time most beautiful lyrics song ever! I first heard the version of John Cale (which is the most popular.. in Shrek and Scrubs.. etc) and then I listened to the versions of Jeff Buckley and Imogen Heap. Nice one.

6. Keane - Somewhere only we know

This song.. I never really put an effort to download it, but I admit I love it. So, no more excuses. I will download it. This song reminds me of my time in Jakarta.

7. Mellisa Etheridge - I run for life

Actually I first listen to this song in Oprah. Once, and it got me to like this song. So, I shall download it anyway.

Songs I am downloading at this moment :

1. Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah

Songs I have just downloaded :

1. Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - Somewhere over the rainbow

This song is insanely hard to find. I mean, at first, I didn't know the title of this song, and I didin't know the artist either. I initially heard the song from the movie "50 first dates" (which my lovely Drew Barrymore starred in). The song was played in the last scene of the movie, when Lucy woke up and found herself on a boat in the middle of Alaska. The song was incredibly amazing and touching. It was hawaii-ish.

So I searched all the soundtracks, the soundtrack lists and google each of everyone of them. I couldn't find it. turned out the song wasn't included in the soundtrack album. I eventually discovered the title and artist thru wikipedia. For that, I wanna thank you Wikipedia for providing with excellent information I couldn't find elsewhere (at the moment, at least).



Songs I have downloaded a while ago (and they're great!) :

1. Imogen Heap - Speeding Cars

2. Gnarls Barkley - Crazy

3. Craig David - Unbelieveable

4. John Cale - Hallelujah

5. Joshua Radin - Winter

et cetera et cetera

If you want to help me download or want me to send you these songs, feel free to contact me.

And in a few days, I will check back to this post and see what songs will be successfully downloaded.

Music And Lyrics

That is my new movie of the week! (since when do I have a "Movie of the week"?)

I've bought the DVD quite days ago but I couldn't watch it (wouldn't, to be honest) because I also bought Heroes Season One (up to 18 episodes) and The OC season Four (up to 8 episodes).
So I was all caught up to those DVDs until they're over. Now that they have... I soon realized that I should have watched Music and Lyrics first. This is my favourite movie of the week! (Hm.. well.. Spider-Man 3??? Yap. Beat even our little spidey)


Music And Lyrics.

Along with Drew Barrymore in it, this may as well be my most favourite musical movie ever! Hugh Grant. I always love Hugh Grant, even when he keeps shaking what his mama gave him. And in this movie, he was in amazingly great chemistry with Drew. And Drew, I couldn't see her as the girl from 50 First Dates (in which film she performed the best, IMO, so I always picture her as the cute girl with short-term-memory-loss)

This movie is all about finding our love. Hugh Grant played Alex Fletcher, the not-so-famous personil of the so-a-while-ago-famous band named PoP! Say he was in a mid-life crisis and was craving for a lyricist to help him create a song in a week's time. He encountered Sophie (Drew) almost accidentally, who was a born lyricist.

Together they created one great song and lyrics. It was called "Way Back into Love". The lyrics was awesome, the inspiration was just as well. The melody was mind-hypnotizingly entertaining.

Right after I finished the whole movie, I was able to sing that song. Wow! I mean. You should hear the song. That piano intro.. it killed me.

Em.. The lyrics. How could I forget? Hehehe.. Here it goes :

Way Back Into Love

(duet by : Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore)

(yes.. Drew Barrymore sings the song!)

(emm.. actually Hugh Grant and Haley Bennett also sing this song)

(but WTH, they suck! :P)

(Oh, I can't shut up, can I?)

(Ok, just read! The meaning!)

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking from someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And If you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

The other great song from the movie is : "Don't Write me Off" performed by Hugh Grant. You can see the complete list of the soundtrack and some demo-s of them here.

Oh, ain't she an angel? I'm gonna need to lay down for a while...

Well...?

And so right now. In this few moments to come...
I am
going to do something I have never done before.

I will try to accomplish this
thing and I want to do this on my own.

It's good. It's good. :P

I don't need either of that.

But I still don't.

Being totally alone is a very bad thing.

And I seemed to have proven it to myself. When I was alone, it was not that weird, it was challenging, I was quite nervous, but it's kinda fun. It's new.

Maybe I can be happy.

Sadly, this one is not true.

Maybe this way...
I can find a way to make myself

not lonely.

And this one is, however, also not true.

The Idea of Blogging

It was first come to me when I was feeling lonely. I needed a way to express my feeling. I had to share my thoughts and contemplations but I had nobody to share it with. I wanted to document my ups and downs but I couldn't think of any good way to do that. I wanted to share my pathetic world to the world but not to my world I was living in. What I meant was, I first wished that my blog would be a silent blog and I didn't hope for many people to leave comments on what I'd written. People from my world, at least. I hoped that my friends would not find out about this blog, so that I could tell as many as my stories and the whole truth about them without ever feeling ashamed or guilty for probably offending them.

But that plan didn't go on. I purposefully let my friends know about this blog. They have read and replied, some of them might just read and hidden. Took a glance and go away. I don't mind.

The Idea of Blogging occured to me as I was lonely. I was very lonely and I didn't like that. I think that was the worst feeling in the world.

Today, I am still lonely. I am feeling incredibly lonely and I can't explain it. I have these activities to do but they all blur out. They feel like routines. And they are. I need something new.

Each day I remember or realize I am feeling so alone, my heart sinks a little. I feel like an ice has been choked down my lung. I am sad and I am not happy. And I hear that life has two different paths. Life of happiness and Life of meaning.

Life of meaning is a life of thinking and obessing about the past and the future, so that you can finally understand the meaning of your life, to plan and to live for the future, and not ignoring the present.

Life of happiness is a life of making yourself happy today. And just that. Today. All you have to think about is today. What you do today, don't think about tomorrows. Don't think about yesterdays.

To tell you the truth, right now, I'm all about the life of happiness.

The only problem is.. that I have no one by my side.

And the scariest thought crossed my mind. What if I am to do things on my own? That will be a different life for me. I've never done this before.

And so right now. In this few moments to come...

I am going to do something I have never done before. I will try to accomplish this thing and I want to do this on my own.

I can't tell you about the thing, because what I'm going to do, It's not normal. You will laugh at me, or look down on me, or even feel extemely sad for me. I don't need either of that.

But I wanna tell you that I'm going to do that. Today. That will be a new thing for me. And that will be great.

I will tell you what happen then. Probably tomorrow.

Being totally alone is a very bad thing. If there is one thing I despise, that is loneliness. But perhaps I should view it differently today. Being alone may not be the worst thing after all.

Maybe I can be happy.

Maybe this way...

I can find a way to make myself

not lonely.

Love takes Money??

No.

NO!!

I hate it when they think it does. And I feel sorry for them.

I may get wet while driving my bike against the pouring rain, even with my raincoat which makes me stupid, unlike you, who are too used to be covered in an Air-Conditionered car...

I may not be able to drive you home at the end of a date, seeing you are too precious to take a bike-ride, unlike you, who expects a Prince Charming with a rideable-two-door-steel-thing...

I may not be qualified enough for your parents, who demand a steady future for you (of course they do, they're parents) , unlike you, who stands on your parents' shadows...

I may be a shame to go out with, I may not have all types of credit cards, I may not even own a credit card, I may be not able to pay all of this all of that...

... but I still laugh

I still have a job... I still live for today, and tomorrow...

I still ask you to... I still be there for you...

I still pay tickets and stuffs...

I still try to be better...

And most importantly, I can still love you. I can give you the kind of love you'll never have with anybody else. I can provide you with the happiness, and share it between us. I can blink and make you dance to the music. I can live up your deepest desire, your greatest dreams, and live up our wishful serendipities...

If you can't see that, that's your loss.