The Soliloquist's Page

Sixteen Months Later ...

2011-04-24T12:04:00.005+07:00

-- I took some time out of my life. In the same time, I
took some time out for my life.

What would you write on a blog you left sixteen months ago? How would you start? There are so many things I want to tell you and I have no idea how to start. How do I re-blog my life? How do I start?

Perhaps I will start with a simple hello now, shouldn't I?

Hello! Hello world! Hello blogspot! Hello my past! Hello to my old love of writing and blogging. It's been sixteen months and twenty four days since the last time I wrote on this blog.

Do I miss it? Oh boy, hell yeah.

Why did I stop writing? What brings me back now? What have happened all this time?

Time. It changes things, doesn't it? It heals. It forgets. It forgives. So let me start where I left off.

The beginning of 2010 was filled with depression and misery, as I was struggling hard to get over Minnie, well, let's not call her by Minnie anymore. In fact, let's call her by her real name, Juli Cen. I have changed now. I don't need alias

es or nicknames no more. From now on : truth.

Juli was a person I thought who loved me. Clearly, I was wrong. The moment I spent hating her almost equaled to the moment I spent hating myself. I think the latter was the problem. Relationship often fails. Juli was a chapter of my life. She is now, no more.

January 2010 marked the new beginning of my life. I really wanted to start over, new year, new beginning. That's why I left blogger, stop blogging. I

changed myself in may aspects of my life, and blogging was one of them. I did it becaus

e I wanted to get over Juli. I think it worked.

So, continuing with my new life, I met many new people, one of them was a smart and funny girl named Erin Winata, or as I called her R. She's been a bright light of my life. She really helped me in finding my self again. I survived mostly because of her.

We met for the first time on the first week of January. I had just returned from the hell-ish "vacation" in Berastagi with Juli and Erwin cs.

The Villa where the last post of this blog was written sixteen months ago.

Things went terribly wrong, but Erin helped me somehow. I'm so glad to have known her, a new person as a new beginning.

Time went on, and I felt the connection between me and Erin got stronger, but not romantically. I became like a big brother to her. It's like I was having another cool sister of my own. Our relationship grew each day, even until now. Erin went to GuangZhou to study and I couldn't be happier for her. It was her dream as she told me. I was so happy she had found a way to achieve her dream, but at the same time, I was quite sad when she went abroad. We still keep in touch, though, until now. I see her as a very good friend, a sister to me, and a person I look up and admire.

What Erin wanted to see

By March 2010, I had been going out with several girls. The memory of Juli still sketched clearly in me, so I need to keep moving on. It was White Day when I first knew a girl named Nancy. We became friends and chatted for a while. I like her. At first, she resembled Erin in some ways, but later I found out that she's different.

The stories of me and Nancy were quite unique. We share the same birth date, we have a lot of in common. I think we were both lonely. We both had exes that disappointed us. But I think, beyond that, we're just meant to be together.

Both of us went through many adventures, ones that I never thought I'd had. She made me spontaneous. She made me a better man. With her, I feel happy.

So what's going on with me during all these sixteen months?

I have been living.

I have been living, really living my life. This is different than the times I was with Juli. Or before Juli. This is better.

Time looks at us weirdly and says : "Do you think you're always the kid who gets screwed around looking for soulmates and real love? Well, things' got to change to the better. One must grow up. New life, New responsibilities."

It's not all fun and happiness, you know... all these months I'm away.... but it's life.

I think we as a human being always struggle through all the things that life throws in our way. We fall, we rise again. But time always catches on, and plays a review, an instant replay of what we were, so that we know that we have passed, that we have grown.

I'd like to think that my blog is one of those things. A means used by time to make me review my life. I read my past stories and saw how I've been growing.

Others have too. Here's for example :

Comic Garden has closed. Erwin and Lilis have been married. They're blessed with one daughter so far. I'm happy for them.

Sugi, at Comic Garden in Aug 2009

Juli Cen has graduated and moved to Tangerang. Over there, she had a new boyfriend named Erwin. Her "cousin" lover (who's called Hendra in real life) (well, not her true cousin per se... nothing more than a plot to get me jealous.) is out of her life. Hendra moves on with his life and fiance. I don't really care about him though. As for Juli, she lives her life as she wants it. I don't wish her a happy life. Just that I'm not a part of her life anymore, as much as her to my life.

Dewi, Sundra and others, we never keep in contact again after the fiasco in Berastagi. Well, who could blame them? But they are good people. I wish them to be happy.

Christian Coa, I had a beef with him. He could be a pain in the ass sometimes, but I know he means well. Though we never talk again, but I hope someday we can. Afterall, we are friends before Juli appeared.

Sugi, he still is one of my best friends until now. He never changes, which is weird. LOL. I think he's gotten better at things.

Erin, she's living in Guang Zhou now, had a crush on a France dude, Haha.. I know.. she's that good. We're still communicating. Hope she is well.

And as for Nancy, we have been going out for more than five months now. We're happy. In fact, I'm going to meet her again soon after I publish this entry.

Nancy and I, at the Sipiso-piso Waterfall, at the end of 2010

Nancy, I and Friend, at Taman Lumbini

You see, I have come a long way. We all have come a long way. Not just from sixteen months ago, but from the moment I start writing "Soliloquial Behaviour", the very first post of my blog.

And I love this blog. I love my blog. I never want to abandon this blog forever.

Why do I start writing again? The spark that ignited my long-hibernated blogging-addiction was an entry by my old highchool friend Hari Qhuang. After reading his writing, I suddenly really miss my own blog. Hahaha...

With all said and done, I'm still surprised how many things have happened to me in the last 16 months. But now it's time to get going with the present time.

Time.

It's a teacher for us. There are still so many things I'd like to write in my blog. So many things this blog has missed out.

But like I said...

How do you fit everything that's happened in the last sixteen months into a simple entry of a blog?

What would you write on a blog you left sixteen months ago?

One answer. You write from the heart.

Only New, No Old

2009-12-31T20:47:00.000+07:00

Hope is a dangerous thing. Love is even more dangerous.

Happy New Year!

How are you guys doing? I'm still at Berastagi right now, and this is the first morning of 2010, the first Friday. I am feeling okay, safe, and happy. This is a new year, so I don't see a reason why I can't start over a new leaf in the big chapter of my life.

If you read my last entry, then you understand how I was going through with her, but after that first night, where she continued to break my heart, I became stronger somehow, though it broke me, but I decided to forget everything about her. To finally really let her go. The way I could do that, is by these following steps :

1. Stop following her around and wonder where she is and what she's doing.
2. Finally erase all of her text messages to me, the ones I saved because they meant a lot to me.
3. To understand that this, ultimately, is what she wants.
4. To accept that I won't be there anymore to protect her, she now has her "cousin" or friend. He will take care of her.
5. The hardest one, is to not think of her. That way, I won't need to care about her. The less I think about her, the happier I will be. This specific step I admit I couldn't do without the help of another person, a person who shows a great potential, and who's nice, and caring, and totally different from her. I am thinking about her instead, and this helps me to get over her.
6. To be with my other friends (the one I know I can count on), and to have the best time of my life. This is an Old n New vacation after all.

To be honest, after I made that decision, I have no idea if I could ever go through with it, but now, a day later, I know exactly for sure that I was doing the right thing.

So, if you must know, as of yesterday, as of this new year, I have finally moved on. She is no longer a part of my life. My love to her will vanish slowly but surely. This is the end of the two of us, but the beginning of something even more beautiful... my own happiness.

I think, the biggest reason that I could forget her is that I kept occupying myself with activities with my friends, like playing UNO or singing karaoke with Dewi and friends. And there is one other thing that excites me, the fact that my relationship with this new girl is getting better. If I have to move on, I have to find me a better person. Isn't that what all my friends said to me after knowing that she dumped me?

I am not looking for a rebound, because I am not that shallow, please... give me a credit. I am a born lover. I am the person who adores true love and soulmates, who likes romance and beautiful emotions. I will not play someone else's heart. I am not her.

Perhaps, in this case, I use this new girl, let's temporary call her R, as a means to forget about Minnie. Perhaps that is right, but if this can help me, I will go straight with it. There's no wrong in that. And another thing, from my past experience, I've learned not to fall in love to easily now. Hope is a dangerous thing. Love is even more dangerous. I have to be more careful from now on.

So what really happened yesterday? How was my New Year's Eve? I'll tell you.
I didn't sleep at all the first night I got here, so in the morning, I have made up my mind about leaving Minnie and stop caring about her. And so, from that moment on, every time we met, I just ignored her as she did me. It's for the best, in our current state.

We had noodles as breakfast, we played UNO cards afterwards, with punishments for the losers. They had to do chores. I played once and I lost. I got the job to clean up the Barbeque's floor. Hahaha.. But I wasn't doing it alone, many friends helped me, and that made it a fun thing to do.

You must know how come I could be happy when I was playing games with my friends. That's because she spent most of her time with her "cousin" and another friend of mine. The three of them were like a small group who only joined us when they felt necessary. I didn't care about them. And so whenever I was playing cards or karaoke, I would do them with other friends, and they are Erwin Muis, Lilis Njio, Sundra Talaman, his wife Juni, Juni's sister, and my three new friends : Dewi, her boy friend Amin, and Jacqueline.

Dewi is the coolest of all. She and I share a lot of things in common. She likes to sing as I do, and her music genre matches with me perfectly that I'm a little terrified. Hahaha.. Also, she loves to take pictures like I do. She's cool and funny and smart.

Amin perhaps is as cool as Dewi is. He surprises me sometimes, he sings in the moment... but when you ask him to sing along in a karaoke, he wouldn't. He is funny as hell, smart and friendly.

Jacqueline is Amin's cousin. She's the youngest of all, even younger than Minnie. But she doesn't look that young. She looks like grown up girl. She is the master of UNO, and we were all having a bad time defeating her, but with over and over again efforts, we finally crushed her. Hahaha... Also, she has a nice voice and she loves to sing.

When we were singing karaoke until our voices broke down, Minnie and her two friends were locking themselves inside a bedroom. They seemed almost unfriendly to the others but I couldn't care less anymore.

Jokes and laughing got our day moving into night. In the afternoon, while we're doing nothing, Dewi, Jacqueline and I played a poker card game but just the three of us. Whoever lost a round would suffer a punishment and humiliation. We played once and Dewi was the first to lose. She had to scream out her name to the neighbourhood while we're recording the whole process. It was funny. Hahaha.. The second time around, Jacqueline lost. She had to sing our national Anthem, Indonesia Raya, on top of her voice. Hahaha...

But the third time was also Jacqueline's moment. She lost again, and she had to sing Pada mu Negeri, completely. LOL.

The both of them weren't satisfied until I lost. But then a person called Apek showed up, and he already had a reputation as a Luck-Breaker. He was standing behind me the whole time I was playing cards and thus my luck turned 180 degrees and I lost the game. We all jokingly blaming him as the reason why my luck changed this drastically. But the fact is I lost. And I was about to suffer my punishment.

But my humiliation wasn't usual, because the girls were determined to embarass me in the best way they can. So I was asked to wear jacqueline's scarf around my head like a muslim woman, and then go to meet all of our gangs, to act like a soldier, scream embarassing stuffs and eventually sing a complete reff of Indonesia Raya on the top of my voice. Twice. Hahaha.. They recorded me, damn! Hahaha... They all laughed at me, and I laughed myself. It was a game, a really funny one. I had a great time with them.

The evening UNO game was even more funnier. We played many rounds, each with their unique and embarrassing punishments. Erwin lost thrice, Jacqueline twice, Lilis once, Sundra twice, but Amin and I were lucky enough to survive the rounds. LOL.

The funniest part was the last one, when Sundra lost. It was a time of desperation, because whoever lost this round had to go to in front of our villa, stand on top of a chair and scream loudly "HI EVERYBODY!!! MY NAME IS .... AND I AM A CRAZY PERSON!!!!" and then sings "La la la la la" in a way of a teenage girl does.

It was scary, the round was intense, and Sundra wasn't seem to be losing, not until Apek suddenly showed up and stand behind him, which suddenly threw Sundra's luck out of place. He began to be so unlucky and finally lost. We roared with laughter as Apek once again was blamed for this unfortunate coincidence. Hahaha.. It was crazy, all of us laughed really hard until our neck and stomach hurt. But then Sundra, a thirty year-old husband with a child screamed like a little girl, we all laughed hard once again.

At eleven o'clock, we started the Barbeque. It was a cold night when mountain winds blew on its might finally in the year 2009. When the countdown arrived, we all shook hands and greeted Happy New Year! with each other. I didn't shake Minnie's hand though. I only texted her.

She replied my text with her current strong-headed message and her assumption that I was a childish person and that I was still in love with her and wanted to get back with her, I told her my feelings for her had changed because she wasn't worth it, and that she didn't need to worry about me. I was happy.

And then she texted me back saying some childish sentences I couldn't remember because I already erased all of her messages.

Moving on, we're all celebrating New Year with lighting the fireworks and acting crazy. I have a video of it all.. a 13 minute-long video showing the whole thing. We sang songs and we laughed, it was the best way to spend Old n New.

And, lastly, about R... she didn't disappoint me last night, if so, she surprised me and I like her even more. I just hope everything will be allright now. Strangely, this time, I am optimistic that my life will turn out to be just fine, and better than last year.

Happy New Year, everybody! Let us live!

Struggling

2009-12-30T23:58:00.000+07:00

When what your head tells you to do and what your heart wants you to do doesn't match, well... you're fucking screwed!

Dear World,

If I tell you that I've been better in the past two weeks, then I would have lied to you completely. The aftermath of a broken heart could not vanish this easily, especially when the feeling I felt for her isn't a usual puppy love anybody would expect. I loved her thoroughly and completely. I was in love. And now I was broken up.

In my last entry, I have told you the whole story of our tragic relationship, how we came to exist and how we broke up. How she left me. But the acceptance was too damn hard to come by. Honestly speaking, I couldn't accept it, and I can not. Perhaps I will never will, and I just have to live with it.

But so much has been going on since the day I found out about the other guy. She didn't and she never admitted him to me. She kept shoving me with lies, that the guy did not exist, when I clearly know that he did. Perhaps she was embarrassed, and perhaps she didn't want to hurt me even more (which actually happened, she hurt me even more by NOT telling me the truth about him). I had to find out from somebody else. From her bestfriend.

But then, when I thought things couldn't get any harder, one morning I woke up to find her text message saying that she wanted me to forget about her, to erase her from my life, and to never look for her again in anyway possible.
The shocked me didn't get the whole meaning of that message, because it was still early in the morning and I just woke up. So I opened my facebook, and I opened her profile page. But then I found something that freaked me out the most, she removed me from friend.

I was blindly and utterly angry, and scared, and confused, but most of all, really really upset. The only possible explanation was that she had had problems with that guy, and that guy was somehow jealous with me, and asked her to remove me from her life.

I tried to call her several times but she didn't pick up my call, not even once. Haunted by the desire of explanation, desperately, I texted her several messages I knew she couldn't ignore. Slowly, in the end, she told me via sms that someone was jealous about me and her, thus confirming that she'd been lying to me, that there was in fact another guy.

But she wouldn't tell me any further than that. She cut me off completely. She evaded my call, she inactivated her cells, and she didn't opened facebook. All I can do, the then-angry me, I just sent her many many texts to say how I was feeling, that I was hurt beyond her imagination, that I was seriously offended, and angry. And that she should have never removed me from friends. I sent her too much too long messages, hoping that she would return them. I thought, at that time, if she didn't make it okay this time, then I could never forgive her anymore, despite how hurt I was.

Then, a few long hours later, when I had given up hope, and still upset, she texted me to ask me what she should do. I told her she should re-add me as her friend, because that guy's jealousy was his own problem.
She asked me to be the one who re-added her, but I denied. I told her, because of this, she was the one who removed me, so she was the one who ought to add me. I was extremely angry, but this, I was determined.

Later I told my friends everything about her, and that was the stupidest thing I had ever done. I thought my friends could help me to get closer with her, but as it turned out, I was betrayed once again, not by her, but by my fellow guy friends. They began to choose sides, and eventhough they knew me longer than they knew her, they all choose her, listening to her side of the story, and therefore inferred that I was the bad guy. They began to spend time with her more frequently than with me. They talked about me in secrets, and I noticed. They set up a yahoo conference but didn't invite me, usually they always invited me. But now that they knew about us, I was suddenly a total stranger. An outsider in my own home.

She re-added my facebook and I approved, but our relationship has been marred too badly. We couldn't talk anymore. We couldn't chat without being awkward anymore. And then it happened.

Because all my close friends were now her close friends, she began to spend time more often with them, and I, lesser.

Our group had been planning for an Old and New trip to Berastagi, starting 30th Desember 2009 until 2 January 2010. I had signed in, and I had promised them I would come, but then she did too, she, forsaking the fact that I would be on that trip as well, she joined in. And then things began to start really awkward.

My friends were planning to gather one day, to plan about the trip. They were discussing about meeting at Cambridge the next day, via Yahoo Conference late at night. I wasn't online at that time usually, because I didn't own an internet connection of my own. But as I was bored, I opened my Yahoo via my cellphone. I found all of them were online, so I thought there must be a conference going on. I asked my friend about it. I told him to invite me in, and so he did.

Inside the conference, I learned about the gathering plan the next day, but if I didn't open my YM that night, I would have been left behind.

The next day, we all met at Cambridge. Previously, I offered to pick her up from her home, like I usually did. But she said no, she would go there by herself.

The next day, she came with my friend, who had already had a girlfriend, but whose girlfriend was at Jakarta at the moment so that he was free. The both of them, my friend and she, they claimed that they had a family connection, she told me that he was somehow her long long long cousin. I chose to believe her.

But when I saw her coming with him together, riding a bike. I was jealous beyond limit. I was furious, not only because of the fact that they excluded me out of this, but also because of her "new" relationship with my friend, whom I hated to admit as a friend. My friends knew about my condition with her, but instead of helping me, why did they do this to me?

This is so fucking annoying and I hate everything about it. I wish to disjoin the trip but it was already too late.

So while at Cambridge, I confronted her. We had a big fight, and she accused me of being childish, selfish, a push over, and she hated me even more. How the hell should I feel?

I offered to ride her back to her house, but again, she insisted that she wanted to leave home alone, which in fact, she went home with him. Again, I was torn by sadness and fury. I went home immediately. Leaving us broken and scarred. Leaving me dead.

The next day, I convinced myself to be happy and enjoy all the good things in life and never to think about her again. So I went to my usual hang out place Comic Garden and I met two of my friends there. But all was going well until she showed up with my friend again. Everything was awkward once more.

I could only watch the two of them getting closer, while knowing exactly that he has already had a girlfriend. Everyone in the room don't seem to mind about her and him. Probably because they thought the both of them are cousins and they were close. I don't know if my jealousy is unreasonable. Perhaps it is, but still, I wish that the two of us can make it as friends, not as two people who doesn't talk but still see each other every day.

So I tried to fix things up with her, I told her that we should be civilized, we should be able to talk to each other again, and I have tried to do that. I have started conversations with her, only to hear her answering me in a short, cold reply or shrug.

She says she doesn't want to try to fix things up with me. She doesn't want to try. She has hated me. She keeps saying that I am childish and a push over. I hate that. It makes me hate her even more.

And now the day is up. We are still not talking and we are about to spend four days together in a villa in Berastagi. FUCK! What should I do?

Right now, I am typing these words in the villa's living room, while she and my "friend" are sitting on the couch watching movies. I am facing straight towards them. I know she is going to sleep beside him. She has already put her head on his shoulder and slept.

It's like she's trying to make me jealous and hurt even more. There are rooms upstairs for she to sleep in with other girls. But she chose to sleep on the couch with him accompanying... her "cousin".

And why am I sitting and facing towards them? Because I need to see everything. I need to make sure nothing happens between them. I am watching them, while typing this. You can imagine how awkward this is. And you can imagine how I must feel.

Am I hurt? Yes.
Am I jealous? Yes.
Am I wishing that he dies now? Yes.
Do I know that watching them sleep is the most stupid idea ever? Yes. But I have to. I can't sleep anyway. It's already 5.36 in the morning now.
Do I know that there is no chance whatsoever that she will return to me? Sadly, yes.
Do I want her to be with me again? I don't know. I think yes. But I have been hurt too far. I can't. I don't want her again, but yet I want her again! ARRGGHHH!!!! When what your head tells you to do and what your heart wants you to do doesn't match, well... you're fucking screwed!

I don't know what will happen to me tomorrow and the next day and the next day. It's already new year, but I just feel that because of her, this is my worst new year's eve ever!

I just want this trip to be over, and then I won't need to meet her again, to see her again, and I will decrease my meetings with my friends whom I know can't be trusted.

I have learned many things. Not to trust people is one of them. You never know who your real friends are until they did something like this to you.
I hate them. I hate her. I hate myself for ever loving her. But still, I still love her.

I feel like I just wanna disappear from this world. But what I want right now is someone else.

I want to meet a new girl, and I want to have a new girlfriend. Perhaps as a rebound, but I don't think so. I am now ready to love another woman, and this time, I will choose carefully.

Please, end this misery. I'm begging you.

The Acceptance

2009-12-23T14:41:00.003+07:00

One of the hardest things in life is watching the person you love, love someone else.

Do you know the hardest thing in life is not "living the worst moments"? No. The hardest thing is "accepting it".

Just like this. I don't know how to begin. In this entry, I will tell you the whole thing. Because I have been going on and on about this in the past thirty days and it's been eating me from the inside out. Now it's time for me to let go. Now it's time for me to accept.

This is a story of my love life, a pathetic love searching ended in a most tragic way.

It all began when I met a girl who I thought to be different from all the girls I know. She's cute, she's stubborn, and she's caring. She's one of the kind, and she had feelings for me. I grew to like her as well. I shared the connection between the two of us. Slowly, but surely, I began to fall into her. I thought about her all the time, because that's what I do when I'm in love.

It's too soon to tell, but I was quite sure that this was it! How often was your first love your real love? I couldn't believe it, but I have found the answer to my loneliness. I have found love. Or so I thought.

The days we had were amazing at the very least. It's hard to describe how great it was, the times we spent together... the closeness and the passion. It's all new to me. I was scared. Little did I know..

She always said that she wanted me forever, that she loved me completely and she hoped that I would be the last one for her. It was the perfect dream. My life couldn't be better.

But as the days went by, she changed.

It hadn't been three weeks when she started to show signs of unhappiness. She was quieter than usual. She was starting to pull away from me. She didn't want me to call her, to see her, to meet her, and to spend time with her anymore. She picked fights with me. I couldn't be more patient in dealing her.

I told her if time was what she needed, I would give her that. But she wouldn't say what was bothering her.

Her stubbornness started to annoy me. But I didn't want to mess up this relationship.. because at those times, I have known that I loved her. Real bad that I couldn't live without her.

On the twenty sixth day we were together, she told me she wanted to break up with me. That's when things span out of control. Her only reason was that she "couldn't do it anymore".

It was the vaguest and the most ridiculous way of breaking up I've ever heard. Two days earlier, she just called me babe, texted me to ask me to ever not leave her. But now...

So that was it. She just left me. Hanging without a clear explanation of why. I was having the worst time of my life. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't breathe and eat. I couldn't focus on work. I was a damn mess when she first left me.

And Yet I searched for explanation. I asked her over and over again. She told me that I had become so annoying, a push over, and she said that if I kept doing this, she would hate me. But I couldn't let her go that easily. She was already letting me go. I was getting sadder. I couldn't believe everything that had happened. WHY?

WHAT HAPPENED?

What happened to her promises and her love before? Was it all a mere illusion? Was I just a doll she played with?

A month later, that was yesterday, I finally found out the real answer as to why she left me. It's very simple.

She dumped me for another guy.

Her feelings for me changed, or died away when we're still together. She was like a bitch whom I hated very much. I wanted to make her pay. I was so angry.

But then I remembered... I still loved her. I still care for her. I couldn't hate her, ever. How could I hate the person I love? But I have finally found a closer. I hoped I would be able to move on.

Now, she and I are still friends. I still love her, and despite what she did to me, in the bottom of my heart, I still hope for us to be together again, because she was my first true love, no matter how bad and cruel she is. But I know that we won't be a couple again. She has made the decision to leave me, and knowing her stubbornness, I know that she won't be with me anymore.

So now, all I can do is to accept everything, and try to move on. I have to grow and be more mature. This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do.

And the truth is, I don't know if I can.

Insecurity

2009-12-03T14:34:00.003+07:00

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

I guess this is the first time I have this feeling. What Bella Swan said in Twilight, "I'm only scared of losing you.", I finally know how it really means.

I have no doubt about how I feel. I'm just scared.

Is loving somebody too much wrong?

All I've ever done is to love her. But that is becoming a problem. How can something so beautiful be seen as something wrong?

I am so close to blaming her. I need more strength and patience, because my insecurity is about to eat me from the inside out. I must prevail. I must survive. Because I won't mess this up.

Not anymore.

The Understanding

2009-11-24T19:52:00.002+07:00

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

Time has passed on. Another chapter of my life has started since November 11, 2009. I am a new man. And I am not alone anymore. But discovering your answer is not everything. This is not the end of the story. It's the end of one story. One long story of my life.

I love her with all my heart. She told me she does too. Two hearts beating as one is all it takes to be the happiest man in the world. But is she happy? Is she satisfied? What is she thinking?

All of the sudden, my life is not about me anymore. All I'm doing is to love her and to think what's best for her. But that's all I can do. What kind of things should I do? Confusion attacked me every single day.

There is a new episode everyday. Everything is moving so fast that I barely can't keep up. Sometimes, I'm the luckiest man in the world. The other time, my hand hurt because my heart hurts.

I am trying my best to understand her, but the effort it takes makes he confused even more. I am what I am. I don't know how to do this. But apparently, she doesn't either. So who the hell is driving this ship?

But why should things have to be complicated?

It's simple.

I love you. You love me. Isn't that enough? That should be enough.
You know what? I'm going to tell her this, now.

I don't like complicated.

I am a simple man, after all.

Special

2009-11-09T14:52:00.005+07:00

You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

So here it is... the moment I've been waiting for since the first time I wrote the entry about Soulmate has come. I don't know if love has found me or if I have found love. But both of those are equally good for me.

The funny thing is perhaps we found each other. She is a person I would never have thought to end up with. She's only a normal girl who's looking for love, but been hurt so many times. I was there when she's hurt. But I was there in the aftermath. I think that's where we got closer.

There was a doubt inside of me, when it was time to choose between her and Sierra. But as I was drown in confusion, something came to my mind, telling me that if I choose Sierra instead of her, I would be living in constant doubt. Everything will not be as clear as I am now with Minnie. Yeah, Minnie. She's my special person now.

Have you ever heard about a saying that goes like this : You only need one minute to introduce yourself to someone, one hour to know that you can talk to them, one day to know whether you still need to talk to them, one week to like them, one month to get close to them, one year to love them, and one lifetime to forget them.

I think it's partially correct. It only takes one week to like someone, another week to realize it, and an extra day to decide. Once you do, you'll get the clarity for this relationship. You talk about many things. Past and Future. But it's the present which you are really excited about.

I met Minnie the other day. It was a secret meeting since we didn't want anybody else to know. It turned out to be the most special moment for us both. Not exactly like what I'd planned and wished for, but it's a start.

The both of us opened ourselves for each other. We accepted each other. This is something I'd never experienced in my entire life. It's new, it's exciting, I'm terribly scared now.

The best thing about it, is that I am now happy, and I am now lonely no more. Thanks to her, my life is much much much better despite all the things that bring us down. She completes me in a way I complete her. She's told me that she cares about me. And it's only a matter of time now...

The moment has come, eventually. Did it feel as great as I hoped?

Well...

I can not lie.

YES! :)

Why, An Untitled Monologue

2009-10-20T14:15:00.001+07:00

Put me out of my misery. We’re not what we used to be.

La La La la...

“You’re still here.. Your feet stuck to the ground despite how silly it sounds.. you’re bigger than me...”

That is Bigger, a song of Backstreet Boys, from their new album, which will be their second single. Backstreet Boys has always been a figure of friend to me, and a loyal one. But I am looking for no friend, because as all hells know, I’m in the quest of finding my soulmate, a quest so arduous that it has messed up the definition of the word soulmate to me.

I’m inside my room, facing my notebook, wanting to write out everything inside of my mind. I have bottled up so many things in these two months I was absent. From the birthday post of mine, and the previous entry called Addiction, I have come a long way, but sadly, nowhere.

“Yes, I will. Take your hand and walk with you. Yes I will. Baby I promise you. Yes I will, give you everything you need and someday start a family with you. Oh Yes I will...”

Another Backstreet Boys song is being played right now. Promises and Promises. They never stop. Few of them got fulfilled, but most of them got abandoned and forgotten. I have to admit that I have broken several of my promises myself. I am no perfect man. But I tried my best to keep living by my promises. The world isn’t easy to live in, at least my world is.

Everyone wishes to see me do great things. I want to prove to them, to my family and my friends that I can be someone.. just someone.. but figuring who you are and what you’re supposed to do isn’t a thing you can finish in a day or a year. It’s a continuing progress with ups and downs. But lately, I am neither moving up nor down. I am levitating in a perfect silence, immovably still.

So my story, or at least, this part of the story began when I first knew about this girl who I thought to be my soul mate, the one whom at last I found. For one whole month I was the happiest man in the world. Everything seemed to be falling in to the right place. She was the one who would be single-handedly rescuing me from my lair of insecurities and loneliness.

I devoted everything to her, I tried my best to be the perfect guy for her. In a short time, she was the one person who knew me better than anybody else. I felt to be moving closer to her myself. We had a special connection like nothing I’d ever seen or felt before. I knew it was meant to be, that I was somehow made for her.

But like this blog, everything turned out to be just a one way street. She cut me off her life just easily as if we were never close. I couldn’t seem to comprehend as to why she did the things she did. And it took me one more month before I finally knew that I didn’t meet her expectations, whatever those were.

The pain of losing something you thought was your final answer was indescribable at best. She is everything but mine. But the way she severed our relationship, I would never forget. I didn’t “feel” like we had a connection. I knew for sure that the two of us shared a deep connection to each other, like we’re the two last persons in this world. But why and how come could she end everything just like that?

There was a time when suddenly she disappeared from the face of the earth. When I couldn’t reach to her. She deleted everything in her life, or at least she deleted me. She didn’t want me to know what’s happening to her, and I tried my hardest to understand her, only to fail completely. She was no better person than anybody, she was never a perfect girl, and that’s what I like about her, but the way she pushed me away from everything. How could I love somebody who’s mysteriously silent all of sudden?

I didn’t know how to deal with the situation. I began to swarm myself with my usual insecurities and pessimisms, only this time they were quadrupled and doubled, because this was my biggest bet. This was my biggest love yet, and I was losing...

When things went for worse, I tried to soothe myself, found things to distract myself.. but in the end I kept coming back to her. I even went on a date with a girl I didn’t like just because I needed someone to be with so badly. It all went wrong so awfully that everything in my life was spinning out of control. I lost myself, abandoned this blog, and I chased on two girls who had already got a boyfriend. I got stressed out, hated my job, and obsessed in playing games to distract myself.

In short, my life was a mess without her.

If I say I’m fine now, and that I have moved on and forgotten about her, that would be a total lie. I still wish if things hadn’t turned for the worst. I might still be happy, because we were looking about a big long future together, and to share everything. To love and care so solemnly. So sweetly.

It hurts just to write this, to imagine what would have been. The thing is, she was one in a million for me. It feels like I’ll never find anybody who can share things like we did. She was the one person who was like me, who had more things in common with me than any girl would ever do. But if things stay this way, I will never be happy again. I need to move on and forget about her. I need to find someone else.

Until this very second, I have nobody in my heart. I am now an unloved man not looking for love. Soulmate and its definition has been torn in to pieces. True Love, I have now wondered if it exists at all, or isn’t it all just a big game of money and lust?

People always say to me to be more cheerful and positive, that it’s not good for me to stay like this. But I have tried cheerful. I have tried positive. They didn’t work for me. I am Meredith Grey, scary and damaged. Dark and Twisty. I don’t like it. I’m not proud of it. I want to be everything but.

What do you want me to say?

“Hahaha”?

“I will find my love, just believe it”?

Okay...

I will find my love. Count on it!!!!

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Twenty Four

2009-08-20T14:57:00.004+07:00

Dreams do come true sometime eh.

I sit and wait... does an angel contemplate my fate?

Hi, world. We meet again, and it's another long gap before my entry. I'm sorry. Lately, what I feel has been like a seesaw.. It's all happening so fast, and emotions flows like an insane river going on south. Things have not gone so well with my life lately. What I want and what was delivered, man... they differ a lot.

So yesterday was my birthday. Another year has passed. So quickly and yet so slowly. All I ever wished for is for my life to turn out Okay. I just want to be happy. Friends and Lovers.. all the drama in my life... why should we expect any different?

I never celebrate my birthday before.. never since I was just an eight or nine year old kid. My mom used to throw me a party and invite all our neighbours.. there would be cakes and coloured eggs. There would be noodles and prizes.. they would be the best days of my life.

But as I got older, the sense of celebrating got old. Every year, my birthdays were passed... my friends never threw me anything and I was fine with it, because I never threw anything for them also. Hahaha..

But yesterday I knew I needed something different, because I've had all my shares of ups and downs.. (mostly the downs), so I needed something better. I needed something to make me happy. So an idea came to my mind. It's simple, but it's something I never done before.

"Buy a cake, to myself!"

The Hell with others! I don't care what would happened next.

At August 18, I called Anni. She had just gotten back from Tuk Tuk with Hensen Cs. She agreed to meet me and buy the cake.

Later that night, I went to Comic Garden, like I did usually. There I met Tony, Adon, Acun, Sugi, and Erwin. They wished me a happy birthday although it wasn't the time yet. They joked about buying fifteen tofus to share with them all, but at last, I bought thirty of them and they all ate lots of tofus that night. LoL.. what an unusual way to treat friends.

That night I already felt somewhat happy, because friends were actively happy about my birthday and that never happened to me before. They posted greetings on my facebook walls.. and lots and lots of them too..

I didn't sleep that night, because I intended to be happy, at least I tried to make it a happy day, but after two o'clock, I couldn't help it anymore. I collapsed to a dreamless sleep. I woke up at nine yesterday. And I felt happy. Mostly because it's already my birthday, but also because I was free that day, didn't have to teach. So I went on to meet Anni at one p.m. She looked beautiful like she always do.

Anni is a person who's strong and doesn't care of what people think. She's one of my bestest friends and saying that she's great is an understatement. She does whatever she likes and she's been through a lot. Someone I admire, I believe, is my point.

She's a friend who can accept you for who you are, know and respect that we're all not a perfect person. There are only a few people I know that's like her. So it's an honor for me to be able to spend my birthday with her. So yesterday she's with me for the day.

We went to Thamrin Plaza, without any real plan what to do once we get there. We did all things spontaneously. I didn't plan what to do on my birthday. I just thought of three things : meet Anni, buy a cake, go to Comic Garden. That's all.

So, once we got to Thamrin Plaza, we talked about the possibility of us watching a movie... but there were no good movies playing there.. Just Doomsday : one which I have watched three days ago with Lily, but that's another story... , Red Line : one which I have no interest in watching, Quarantine : one old movie I expected would be very much like Doomsday , and Max Payne : one I don't care or like. Apparently, Anni also found the movies so boring.. LoL.. so we didn't watch anything that day. Instead, we went to D-Loft to have lunch together..

The last time we went to Thamrin, we also went there to drink and talk about a girl I like. She helped me getting prepared, and we shopped clothes together.. but it's only a few weeks and we went there again, talking about almost the same topic, but with different circumstances.. this time, it's my birthday, so today was about me, or so what Anni told me, and that girl I like, all of it went south and screwed... So here we go, Anni sticked with me through all of my ups and downs. It's how good a friend she is.

Out of nowhere, I proposed an idea to go and sing a song.. because at that time, there's this song "I'll be there" by Mariah Carey.. and so I asked Anni if she wanted to go to Karaoke with me, just the two of us. Normally girls wouldn't want to do that, but not Anni, (since she's not really a girl, haha).

It's the first time in my life to go to sing in K2 in the middle of the day. Usually I go there at night. And I'd never gone to Karaoke just with one person. But yesterday was a day of surprises, unexpected, and do-what-we-love-to-do kind of day.

We sang so many songs together... we had it all. Amongst the songs we sang, there were Michael Jackson's You are not alone, Heal the world, Backstreet Boys's Shape of my heart, All I have to give, Show me the meaning.. We also sang songs like I'll be there, Scientist, Love story, You belong with me, Endless love (hm.. what a romantic moment..), In love with you, and many many many mandarin songs I can't remember the titles.. Hahaha..

It's the best time and the happiest I feel in a long time.

At the moment, I suddenly realized that this was what I had hoped for in the year 2002. Being close to Anni and doing things together as friends. I was in the same room with her. This was what I dreamed for, for such a long time... and now it's happening to me when all other things fell over in my life... and it's happening on my birthday. Dreams do come true sometime eh, who knows?

I could feel the intimate feelings of love and caring about each other.. but here's the trick, Anni and I are just friends. We're such a good friend that most of my friends think that we're together.. She's my best friend from highschool. I can talk and share a lot of things with her.. and so can she. When she was in the hospital four years ago, I think that was the time we got closer with each other. I love her and care about her as friends, and she always this cool about it.

Most of the times, when we have nothing else to talk about, we always share stories about the persons we like and have feelings on. I told her about my disastrous date experience just three days ago, and about my failed plan to steal a girl's heart. She told me about her love life as well.. but I won't write it here.. it's just between us.

We planned to go to Clover to buy the cake after we finished singing, but it was raining all of sudden, and heavily too. So we just stood on the outside of K2, watching the rain as we talked about things in life. Hehe.. it's an unplanned event too.. because plans always break apart.. It's better if we just flow within them.. let it all happen.

It was already six in the afternoon, and I suddenly realized that I was hungry, so Anni told me that we should get something to eat. I told her there was a nice place to eat just nearby K2, so we went there to have our dinner while waiting for the rain to stop. Yeah.. it's what you do when you ride a bike to go everywhere. I don't have a fancy car. So what?

We went down to East and West restaurant. I have just ever been there once with Jacq years back.. and it's so nice to go there again. Anni told me she wanted to treat me. Haha.. I wouldn't let her, but she's so strong. LoL.

The rain had stopped after we dined. We rushed to buy the cake because it's getting late, and I was already late. My friends were waiting for me at Comic.

Comic Garden was like my second home. Hehe.. All of the people there last night celebrated my birthday, and all I can say is that I was touched. Anni helped me cut the cake. She's a cutter, I said. Hehe..

It's just a small birthday, something exactly I hope for (Thank you Anni, for making me feel very happy^^). In a way, last night was perfect. I am already twenty four today. It's the number you have in one day. Don't waste life. I'm turning a new leaf. If things don't happen the way I want, then I just have to accept it and try to move on, struggling for something better, because in time, good things are bound to happen. Dreams are always coming true. Late it may be, but it will happen.

It's just statistic.

Travis - Closer (Official Music Video) - More free videos are here

Addiction

2009-07-30T23:52:00.001+07:00

Fanaticism for anything is addiction.

The wind blew hard, smashing and shaking the window in my room.. I was uneasy. My body moved sideways and back. It’s not what I hoped for, this was not what I dreamed of, but “I am dreaming about this...”

What was I dream of?

Last night, the anticipation was killing me, I fell asleep to find her materialized in my dream. She was something extraordinary. She’s unshy. She put her arms on my shoulders, and then she gently placed her head against mine. She looked at me, deep. I was stunned beyond knowledge. Nothing could have prepared me for this. This was it! This was what I wanted. What I always wanted. But then she pulled away from me. She was busy, she had so many friends and so much work to do.

When her friends got there, they almost seemed to have deprived her away from me. They almost like carried her away. She didn’t mind, because she had to finish her job. She was talking about so many things I didn’t understand. The things in her life had just suddenly gotten broad. It’s as if I was only a little part of her that was insignificant, and after she finished make do with me, she had to move on, to another job to do.

I was left alone, again, when she went and talked to one of her colleagues. I remember one of her friends, one whose name I knew, he came to talk to me, and he said that she was indeed like this. She was always so popular. She was always busy. It’s what she did, it’s what she was. It’s who they were.

I felt like being plunged in to a nightmare I wanted very much to get out of. This was not what I dreamed about. This was not supposed to happen!

And then I woke up.

Breathless, I was relieved that it was only a dream. It hadn’t happened. Hope it wouldn’t happen.
My eyes were fixed on a random spot on my ceiling.. it wasn’t time. Not yet.

So what I saw that morning.. was Steven Lee’s birthday. It’s like I was being thrown in to the past. Random thoughts were rushing thru my mind...

Steven Lee was a friend you would love to laugh with, though sometimes I laugh at him. ^^ And when his birthday arrived, we knew we ought to do something about it. But no celebrations, we just hung out with him at Sun Plaza’s food court. No food, no beverages. But a lot of pictures were taken. Had I known about her then? It was after my spontaneous thing. I have contacted her. It was a happy day. Not because of Steven Lee’s birthday, but because of her. She made me happy.

I looked at my cell phone’s clock and it’s still eight. I still had time. I went back to sleep, thought I should rest more, and dream about something else. But I wasn’t dreaming anymore, instead, I was wondering what would happen three hours later. Just three hours from then, I remember realizing about it. But my thoughts once again ran away and got clouded with the possibilities.

Endless possibilities.

Petrificus Totalus! The hype of Harry Potter had once again struck me and all my friends as the sixth installment crawled nearer and nearer. I was excited, but I didn’t post anything of the movie on my blog, like what I did last year. But I still was excited to see it in the cinema.. I told myself that I would watch it as soon as it came out, but it turned out that I didn’t have the time. I was busy working and teaching, and all my friends were unavailable to watch it with me when I could, and were available when I couldn’t.

She was away, when the movie came out, if she weren’t, I would have asked her to do the honor with me. I did ask her anyway, but I wasn’t serious.

Harry wasn’t as different as the fifth. It was definitely a continued-movie from the fifth, since the director was David Yates and the same until the movie wraps out in the seventh.. and I enjoyed the movie, surely, because I am the biggest fan in the studio.. but as I could see.. many people didn’t enjoy it, I admit it myself that the movie lacked action. But that’s the whole point, the sixth was just a preparation for the finale.

In the end of the day, I wanted to share the movie I’d watched with her and her alone. She wasn’t even a fan of Harry Potter. But why did I need to share it with her?

I finally woke up at eight thirty, thinking I should probably be more ready than ever. So I took a shower, had a breakfast, and tried to look the best I could. The expectation was super high. The pressure was unimaginable. I was too selfish. I needed everthing to be perfect and fairy-tale-ish. All I imagined in the last two days was a dance in the middle of nowhere. We were walking and I asked her to dance, didn’t know where the bravery came from, didn’t care of the consequences if she turned me down. I just thought, let’s just said she wanted to.

I offered her to hold my hand, and then I held her hand. Like Addison offered the Chief to dance on the bar-floor with no music around. “Ask me anyway.” Said Addison. And I would took out my cell phone, and I played “I’ll be there” or “All I have to give”, and we just danced like Izzie and George did. He held her hand, pushed her away but still held her hand, and then he pulled her to his body, hugged her by touching her waist, as her other hand caressed his upper shoulder, and then their feet moved around harmoniously, and she spinned around in front of him, all of those beneath the faint mp3 music coming out of my mono speaker...

That would have been lovely, I thought.

I love how I can be straight to my heart with her, and what a happy coincidence when Backstreet Boys released their new single called Straight through my heart. I downloaded it at once.

To see them coming back with a hit like this, I was so happy and proud. All I did, was to tweet the news, and wrote it on my facebook status.. mumbled the chorus to anybody who wanted to hear. And not left behind, I told her about it as well. That’s the best thing, I told her everything. Never in my life, never, even Cy, had I known someone who posed very similiarly with my soulmate. Is she my soulmate? Have I finally found it? The one? Have I finally found the answer to the song Unmistakable?

I haven’t known yet.

I mounted my bike. Smashie wasn’t ready. But I told her that this was an important and special day, and she understood, that way, I knew that she would do her best. And so we began our journey. It was a great trip, Smashie and me. She was great and loyal to me.

I stopped by places to make sure I was ready and prepared. But when I got there, all the awkwardness started to show up. Everything was happening then, at that precise moment. It was all so real, that what I’d been imagining had finally taking shape to come true, accurate or not, still to be seen. I was nervous. Very. I recalled what Anni said to me...

She was the one to tell me don’t be afraid. Don’t be nervous. Be confident. Be strong. Be my self. What simple advices could do, I wouldn’t know then, because all I was thinking was

“OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD”

And I didn’t even believe in God.

And time moved very fast. I mean, literally running insanely fast. I was terrified.

Anni went back Medan few weeks ago. I have met her twice since. Our relationship has grown since the last time we seen each other, and that was when her sister’s wedding day.

I became more able to talk to her about things like how I was feeling, and she seemed to be really happy to have this clarity from me. We were different, and for the first time, we were really friends. Yes, for the first time ever since I saw her walking in the corridor of Sutomo 1. Ever since the moment I sat beside Diana and she came over and talked to me, introduced herself to me. Ever since the moment we talked just the two of us in the hospital room. This, was new. And it’s all because of her. She didn’t only make me happy, but unknowingly, she had made Anni happy. Or at least I’d like to think that way. Anni and I had finally come to a new place, thanks to her.

See? How can someone so new to me be so special? Another thing to weigh in on the soulmate thought.

But then the moment came when she spoke to me. She saw me. I was coming to her. Closer and closer. And it’s all officially begun. I saw her. As beautifully as I had already suspected, that, if it’s impossible to say she’s even prettier.

I felt like a moron while I was standing next to her. But I tried to do what Ross did when he was with Rachel. And so whatever happened, happened. It all come what may. So quick that the clock was racing with my heart beat.

I should have looked at her face more often. Yeah, though it’s admittedly beautiful, I could see that I had many things to regret. It wasn’t, in fact, a perfect day because I was not perfect. But she was close to perfect. How could a girl like her would want to love a guy like me? She’s the real intepretation of Nsync’s That Girl. And she’s the Uptown Girl. I was just one regular guy, wanted to face something way above me. I lost and I was shy.

But she did say it’s OK. I was hoping she really meant it, because what would I do without her? At this moment I feel like an addict.

I am enjoying the high.

So much that I retold all of my special events in the past few weeks.

I am on the high.

I am afraid it wears off.

I am terribly afraid. But everyone takes the risk and why can’t I? Why can’t I?

I’m addicted, but I do it volunteeringly. Because the price could be my soulmate...

The Icing of the cake

2009-07-30T11:47:00.000+07:00

All the treasure in the world is worthless, unless you have someone to share it with.

I’m back. Improved.

Hi, world. It’s been a while since I talked to you. A lot has happened, a lot has happened which I should have written here.. which I should have told you.. which I should have shared with you. But I didn’t. Why? Probably because from all those times I talked about wanting things to change, I didn’t actually do change. But now I think I find me a way to do that just so.

It is a person, a girl who goes beyond my dream, someone I never expected to know, or to touch me. Remember my last post, when I said I was doing something spontaneously? It’s only the icing of the cake. Everything happens for a reason, and there’s always these steps.. steps one must take to make sure everything goes perfectly. The steps are many... and I’ve taken quite a number only to realize that I just hit the beginning.

This is the start of a new leaf.
This is what may save my life.
She is what may save my life.

I’ll be back for an awesome entry, I’ll go way back! (“,)

(see that little thing? I had never done that before ^^)

Happy

2009-07-07T20:22:00.003+07:00

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Wow.. today I just followed my spontaneous instinct and be brave and I did something I had never done before.. and I didn't believe it (I still don't), but it turned out great! YaY! I'm so happy right now!

If there's a Like button on this message above.. I'd definitely click it! :DD XD

Just To Be Close To You

2009-06-30T18:49:00.003+07:00

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

This entry is inspired by the old song of Backstreet Boys. But it has more meaning than that. I write this because right now, in this moment, I'm feeling closer to one of my friends. I feel like I can share a lot of things with her. She's very kind and peaceful.

This entry is also written because I need to be closer with someone else. Someone who has abandoned me and as I abandoned her. There's perhaps no way for me to do that, but I know I will try.

This entry is at last written for a girl who makes me confused. I don't know if I can like you or not. I don't know as of this moment what my feelings for you may be, but I intend to find out, so I want to be closer to you right now. So we can get to know each other better before we make a decision.

Just to be close
Just to be close
Just to be close to you
It's all I wanna do.
Oh.
Just to be close
So close
Just to be close...

Cloud

2009-06-25T19:24:00.001+07:00

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

Confused, again. My head is being clouded by choices and consequences and I can not think straight. Should I ask her? Or should I wait? Why love is such a confusing matter to begin with. I just wanna be happy. Why things so simple can become so complicated? I just wanna be happy. Why is it so hard? Cloud. It's pretty no more.

Something Confusing

2009-06-21T15:50:00.004+07:00

We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things got worse.

You know, when it comes to the words "change" or "future", there are lots of possibilities one may act. One may look away and change the topic. One may get excited to indulge more in to the topic. One may silence himself at a sudden. And some may talk like the way they usually do without any awareness. I think I maybe fall in to the first and the third category.

But life hasn't turned out pretty well for me lately. Plans overthrown. Expectations tarnished. Hopes shredded apart. And Eagerness blown away. What have I done to arrive on this circumstance? Did I not try hard enough? I thought I tried hard.

But apparently it's not enough.

I plan to keep trying though. There are things in life we can't change no matter how hard we try.

I don't know what I say.

These days are hard for me.

Change is frightening. But it's what I'm desperately trying to accomplish. Why would I look for something so frightening? What's wrong with me? No wonder everything in this world seems out of place. The world is going insane. I am going insane.

this is the post that's no fact no true no sense nothing

2009-06-13T18:52:00.003+07:00

Nope.....u still ugly!

every once in a while there is one post you will find in this blog without punctuation and rules because in this moment i do not care but i just want to scream it out loud because every little bone and cell in my body wishes to find an explanation for all the things that have happened in my life that leads to this point of life where all things seem to diverge away from me and sideline every thing in my choice like an antigraviton which is as mysterious as the feelings of one girl itself but none in the world seems to aware of this kind of force because not all people in the world will get the effect of this thing as it ruin my life so badly that i am desperate to cling on anything i see around me like the people from the past i see every now and then they have succeeded in many many things i have not even to begin to think about yet and they all speed like the speed of light as every good thing travels faster than i do and i seem to see everything distorted and blurry and dissolved right in front of my fucking eyes then all i can do is to mope and wallow and drown in the self hating vessel of insecurities the place where all my friends and common sense tell me to stay away from but i just could not manage because i am always get sucked right back in and now i just want to jump off the bridge because nothing in this world seem sane to me as i am just too sick and tired to face all of it once again because even when i thought i have conquered it will come the things anew just to screw everything i have built and do not u care to comment this post because this is the one you should not read and i should have not written here because this is neither true nor false and it all just a frick imagination and i do not know what to do this is a dark time for me please tell me what to do but please do not tell me do not reply this do not comment this but i want to know because i am going crazy and i keep contradict myself and i just can not understand why why why why should this all be this way and i have no way to undo it please forgive this weak man and do not judge me for what i have done and will do next because you damn right i am desperate once again and i do not waant to think about tomorrow but it keeps slip right in to my head and i can not stand the thought of them together i just cant live with it IUBCWIBCIWCIWCUCNICEBCLQIBCCQCWIECBIBCIWBCBLWCLCWUCNCILNECKSFHLWWOEFHWHFLBCVSCBLABCSGCLWAHBCLWBCLWHCBLIWGECIFEHUHFWOEHOIJQIJQPWOPIJMMZMALJHDOQWDENDOIHWOEVFW98HKSJDHWNCKWEHCIWNECOWHECNWHCJWNCFJHFNNQLERCNKJCNKWJCLBYGCLWECWBCUCBIJBLISDHC;NWC;WHNWUHCUWBBWBFGWBBWFBWLBFWBWBIWLVFBEBVABVHASDGCABCABFLABLEWBVAEVEHBVEAVGAEBVALIBVLBRLAJCH,ABCJWHCIWBCIHIUVBAVAEIVAEUBVLAEVHLAEBVIAGVABDSIVIEABVIABIUEABVIAEVEABVIEIVBERV i am sorry i cant do this please forget everything you have read and dont say anything back i will delete it

I am

2009-06-09T19:05:00.003+07:00

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

I am a one-way lover. Always.

I am like a nanobot: invisible, advanced, powerful, but unreal.

I am not cut out to be a leader.

I am getting fatter... :(

I am interested in astronomy, more and more lately..

I am a fan of Backstreet Boys, more now than ever.

I am circulating like a satellite, suck like a black hole, burst like Gamma Ray, and confusing like dark energy.

I am not the super one, despite my last name.

I am thinking lately, that even though what I dream can't come true... I know that some things are about to change now.. that my life is about to change.

I am not a kid anymore. I hate it.

I am not a grown up. I'm still a growing-up boy. I hate it.

I am lonely and tired, but I'm happier than I used to be.

I am wanting to change all of the above, especially the brighter ones.

I am a weird man.

I am not the man you think I am, but

I am what I am.

The Eleventh Six

2009-06-06T13:16:00.000+07:00

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.

Whoa.. this morning, I never thought that it's already June Six again. Time flies like a speeding light, so fast that it seems instantaneous.

Like every year, Sixth of June has been a special day for me, ever since 1999, when I was real happy and in love. But there's a secret there too. Actually, the day before the Belia's Day, that is, June 5th, that was the actual day when really great things happened. So earlier, I asked myself what happened to me on June 5, this year.

Boxman walking...

Ok, yesterday. It was a great day I think, but not amazing though. Yesterday was all about watching Terminator Salvation at Sun Plaza. In the morning, Sugi and I went to Sun Plaza to buy the tickets first. You see, in Sun Plaza, you must buy the ticket for an evening show in the morning, otherwise, you wouldn't get any. The plan was to catch a show at seven thirty. There were six of us, so ironic, since today is the day of number six. But yeah, there were six of us, three guys and three girls. Exactly like Friends, except we're not funny, two of us aren't married to each other, none of us is Phoebe Buffay, and all of us are Joey Tribbiani. :P

Boxman searching for the fountain of love...

After purchasing the tickets, I went to Comic Garden, the usual place. Nothing exciting happened there, until six o'clock in the evening. Again, the reference of six.

Then Sugi, Hendry, Cia Cia, Ayen, Lia and I, we met at Sun Plaza. The movie itself was amazing. Awesome. Fantastic. Great. Cool. Mind-Blowing. Okay, there have been six adjectives I used to describe it. Again, Six. Hahaha.. Now I'm pushing it.

After the movie ended, Sugi and Hendry went away to do their own business. The girls and I had a dinner at AW. Then we parted ways. It's a nice night filled with happiness. So, at least the thing eleven years ago reoccured last night. As for today. I can only stay happy, because I know the road is still here, and the journey is still happening.

But whenever I talk about love, sometimes I feel like a box man. A man whose face is covered by a box, with two round dots and one triangle. When he talks, he's the only person who can hear them. I guess it's what I mean by soliloquizing.

Boxman soliloquizing...

But as dry as my love life can be, I still believe in love, even until now. The person I'm currently falling in love with, I think she already knew about my feelings. I have every intention to tell her about it, but time hasn't presented me the opportunities to meet her yet. But in time, I will have the chance, and by that time, I will tell her.

If all things happen as I hope, then there will be new Belia's Day. Because the happiest day of my life is yet to be discovered. So...

Boxman fighting for hope and love in this cruel world...

To Be Discovered. In the mean time, Happy Belia's Day to me! Hahahahaha.

My new picture. I figure today must at least have something new. :P

TO BE DISCOVERED...

An Unexpected Call from An Old Friend

2009-06-04T14:49:00.000+07:00

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

I was just sitting like always in Comic Garden when my old friend from my one year life in Jakarta, Lin Erich Budianto, contacted me and told me that he's currently in Medan. It had been five years since we last met. I never thought he would come to medan. But he did, and it was a surprise for me, because when I woke up yesterday, I thought it would be a normal usual day of me hanging out in Comic Garden and downloading The Universe...

But then I had to make a choice to meet him. So I called him to arrange a meeting. We met in Sun Plaza, because it was the most common place to meet in Medan, and because he had never been there before. Hell, it was his first visit to Medan. It turned out his visit was due to his work which required him to travel. He was with a friend named Udin. I met him, and he's a cool guy.

We went to Gramedia, and Fountain. He never heard of Fountain because apparently, it only exists in Medan. There, we snapped a few pictures.

Later on, we planned to go back to their hotel, the one in Balai Kota called Inna Dharma Deli, a three star resort. I went there to copy files to and from their notebooks.. but then it's already nine thirty at night, so they suggested me to spend the night in that hotel. It was spontaneous and fun. Haha.. So I agreed and it granted us more time to spend with them. Among the things we did, there were taking advantage from the lobby's wifi, changing rooms and upgrading rooms, watching tv, sharing files, walking to Merdeka Walk which is just right in front of our hotel, buying Mc Donalds, and eating dinner at eleven o'clock in the hotel room, before going out to the lobby and facebooking again. Lolz.

Last night I couldn't sleep well because it's too cold in that hotel room. The two of them slept like a baby because they got a freakin blanket each. I on the other hand... let's just say my feet was freezingly numb. LoL.

The morning after, we went to Medan Fair in our quest to find Bika Ambon. I was their tour guide or some sort, we went ther by taxi, but went back hotel by pedicab. Hehe.. it was cheaper that way, and more traditional too. After all, both of them had never traveling by pedicab before, and now they have.

They had their final meals in Medan in Merdeka Walk, where we snapped other pictures again. Then we called for a taxi, to drive them both to the airport because their plane left that afternoon.

This experience is strange and exciting. I've got to meet my old friend again and I'm happy about it. I've got to meet a new friend named Udin, and I've got to do things more spontaneously. Things like these sometimes happen whenever an old friend of mine come to visit. Like Dabin Sutoso a few months ago. It's an adventure I'll always be eager to experience. It's nostalgic, it's memorable, and it's new.

You Belong With Me (Guy Version)

2009-05-31T16:48:00.003+07:00

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Ah, another excellent Taylor Swift song. And this is the second time I play around with the lyrics... change them so I can sing it as a girl. You know.. "You belong with me" is a definite girl song. But when I listen to that great song, and when I read the whole lyrics, I see that this is a very good song with a very good set of lyrics that tell the truth about how it feels when the one we want doesn't want us the way we want them.

Anyway, just listen to the song below. It has a very nice music video too.

Now this is the lyrics of the song :

You're on the phone with your girlfriend
She's upset.
She's going off about something that you said
'Cuz she dosent get your humor like I do...
I'm in the room
It's a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she dosen't like
And she'll never know your story like I do'

But she wears short skirts
I wear T-shirts
She's cheer captain
And I'm in the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up
And find what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see, you
You belong with me

You belong with me
Walkin' the streets with you and your worn-out jeans
I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself
Hey isn't this easy

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down
You say your fine
I know you better then that
Hey whatcha doing with a girl like that

She wears high heels
I wear sneakers
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see
You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know
Baby...
You belong with me

Oh'
I remember you drivin' to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh
When you know your about to cry
And I know your favorite songs
And you tell me about your dreams
Think I know where you belong
Think I know it's with me...

Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along
So why can't you see
You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time
How could you not know
Baby you belong with me
You belong with me

You belong with me

Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me

You belong with me...

Nah, now let me tweak it :)

You're on the phone with your boyfriend
He's busy.
He's doing all that stupid stuffs that you don't care
'Cuz he doesn't appreciate you like I do...
I'm in the room
It's a typical Thursday night
I'm listening to the kind of music you really like
And he'll never love your story like I do...

But he wears black suits
I wear T-shirts
he's team captain
And I'm writing poetries
Writing about the day when you wake up
And find what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see, you
You belong with me

You belong with me
Walkin' the streets with you and your dancing hair
I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself
Hey isn't this easy?

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I haven't seen it in a while since he brought you down
You say you're fine
I know you better then that
Hey what're you doing with a boy like that?

He drives fancies
I ride old-bike
He's team captain and I'm singing this song
Singing about the day when you wake up
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see
You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know
Baby...
You belong with me

Oh'
I remember you callin' to my cell in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh
When you know you're about to cry
And I know your favorite songs
And you tell me about your dreams
Think I know where you belong
Think I know it's with me...

Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along
So why can't you see
You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time
How could you not know
Baby you belong with me
You belong with me

You belong with me

Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me

You belong with me...

25 Little Things You (Probably) Don't Know About Me

2009-05-28T16:36:00.001+07:00

1. My true last name is Djohan, right after Superwan, named after my grandpa.

2. I'm a big fan of the TV show Friends and I memorize most of their dialogues, know their trivias, and watch the episodes too often.

3. When I was a kid, I wanted to wear glasses so badly that I watched TV very closely everytime. Eventually I got a pair of 0.25 Dioptre convex lens, and I was really happy. Now, regretfully, I feel like I was a real idiot.

4. I master only two swimming styles, the rock style : where I just drown like a rock, and the elephant style : where I try to surface by shaking my hands rapidly but drown nevertheless.

5. I can write backwards so that you need a mirror to read what I write.

6. I memorize the dance for Nsync's song POP, and Backstreet Boys's song Larger Than Life.

7. I participated in a dance contest in Taman Anggrek in 2004, to dance for the AXE commercial dance-move look-alike, but I never knew if I won or not, because I entered my cellphone number incorrectly.

8. I can't speak mandarin, don't understand, and am not really interested in learning.

9. I can fly. But only for less than ten seconds :D

10. My favourite number is 6. My favourite day as of now is Thursday. It's ironic because I used to hate this day, and I claimed that Thursday was a bad day for me and my friends.

Bite Me! :)

11. I never have a girlfriend, ever. But I have every intention to change it now. Hehe.. It's time.

12. If I were a famous celebrity, I would choose to be Rachel McAdams, or Kate Bosworth, or Scarlett Johansson, or Claire Danes.

13. I'm a man whose name when you google it, google will ask you back : Did you mean Bambang Superman?

14. I have used these nicknames many times before : bsb_boys, el_leaved, el_pianist, will cleafant, messy marvin, iamwhoeveryouwannabe, and soliloquist.

15. I don't believe in god, but I love soliloquizing with one on my blog.

16. I am active on Twitter only because of Backstreet Boys. I find out their latest news from there.

17. I don't smoke. Never smoke. Never will smoke. Hate the smoke.

18. Once, I saw a dog shitted on the floor and then ate it. It was my dog. Ew.

19. I can become narsistic sometimes, photograph myself, talk about myself like what I'm doing now :) Hey. Narcisism is not a crime.

20. Once, I threw a big rock and it smashed someone else's window.

21. I'm a centipede phobia.

22. I really want the ability to manipulate the time and space like Hiro Nakamura. LoL.

23. I always say when I find a girl I like, I will be able to talk to her casually, but the truth is I'm as speechless as a "gagok" stutter.

24. I love Harry Potter and think that it's not only for kids. But I don't like Twilight and I think it's only for girls.

25. I need to pee right now. Hahahaha.

You can also find this list here.

God is Not a Girl

2009-05-18T13:24:00.004+07:00

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.

Me : I don't care if he buys you nice things. Does his gift come from the heart? I don't have a fancy car, but to get to you I'd walk a thousand miles. Does he leave when you need him the most? Does his friends get all your time? Baby please, I'm on my knees... Praying for the day that you'll be mine! But my love is all I have to give ...

God : Hey You!

Me : Er.. What? Who's there?

God : You know, even if I'm omnipresent, it wouldn't hurt to call me sometimes... write a letter...

Me : Oh, it's you.

God : Nice. Could you be more excited to see me, please? After all, we haven't met for a while now, have we?

Me : Yeah.. I remember the last time we spoke.

God : So I figure, because you yelled at me several times the last time we had a little chat. I was guessing that you were having a bad time?

Me : Yeah... I was.

God : But now people up there are talking.. they say that your life has changed ever since you met a girl... What's her name? Will you tell me?

Me : Why should I tell you? Either way, you know her already. Probably even better than I do.

God : Yeah, I know Em. It's just politer to ask. I'm being polite, see?

Me : Whatever. My teeth are hurting. Do you know this too?

God : Yeah, it all happened suddenly last night before you sleep, didn't it? Right after you said good night to Em.

Me : Know-it-all!

God : Hey. It's good to say good night to her everynight. It shows that you care.

Me : Is it? Because I don't want to be too aggresive.. but then again, I won't succeed if I'm not aggresive enough... know what I'm saying? It'll be nice if I know how she feels about me. Do you?

God : Yeah, but I can't tell you that. You need to find that out by yourself!

Me : By asking her directly?

God : Do you see any other way?

Me : My friend Lina said that I shouldn't say anything just yet. We just met for a couple of times. It's still too early, she said.

God : And what do you think about that? Do you agree with her?

Me : I don't know. She's the one who's in a relationship now, isn't she? Some part of me wants to agree with her, and to postpone my plan. But the truth is, I really want it all to be clear. I want to tell her as soon as I can. But I want her to give me the answer that I want.

God : That's selfish. You can't force someone to like you if they don't. You should know that by now.

Me : Yeah, I know that. I just hate the waiting. The curiosity. The anticipation for the truth.

God : So what will you do when you meet her tomorrow? Or in a couple of days? Will you tell her?

Me : I think I'll see the circumstances.. I want to feel the moment first. If she gives me any signals or gestures.. to ensure me that I'll be okay telling her that.. then I will. Because who knows when will this opportunity repeat itself?

God : What if they don't come? The gestures or whatever?

Me : Then it will mean that the day is not as perfect as I hope, and I'll retreat. Try to buy some time. Arrange some future meetings. That way, I'll have more time in the future.

God : Do you love her?

Me : Maybe.

God : Do you think about her often?

Me : Often? I think about her everytime, twenty four seven. Whatever I do, I can't get her out of my mind.

God : Have you ever felt this towards someone else?

Me : I don't think I have.

God : Not even Cy, el_leaved, +avie?

Me : I guess this is different. It's the first time I really think I have a shot. I don't know why. probably because of what happened to me in the past few months... I've become...

God : braver than usual?

Me : Yeah!

God : I saw that too, two days ago.

Me : Are you talking about that thing at D Loft?

God : Yeah. You came to introduce yourself to a group of beautiful girls for the first time in your life. You do what a player would do. You are not Bambang Superwan that night. You were not socially retarded anymore. And it went well, didn't it? You've got their phone numbers too, haven't you?

Me : Yeah, I've got them.

God : Why didn't you call or text them? The one named Ernie, she's very beautiful. Even you said so.

Me : Yeah, I know. I wanted to, but then Em came to my mind.

God : So what? She's not your girlfriend yet. Think of Ernie as a friend with a potential.

Me : What, you mean a backup?

God : Uhuh.

Me : What kind of God are you?

God : Ahh.. forget it. I'm just thinking out loud.

Me : Wait. There's a reason why you said that. Do you know something about Em that I don't...?

God : ...

Me : Ah, you knew what her answer will be, and it doesn't good.

God : You and your insecurities! I just wanna hit your head with an oar!

Me : WHAT?

God : Don't tell me you're still as pessimistic as you were before? I thought you've changed!

Me : I KNOW. I want to change. You can't help what was already in the nature.

God : Oh please! Don't blame this on nature! You're all that matters. You're what you choose to be.

Me : Just shut up about it... and tell me what do you know about her answer.

God : I've told you I can't tell you.

Me : Then you're as useless as this monitor in front of me.

God : You do realize you're soliloquizing, right?

Me : Did you just admit that you're not real?

God : No, I'm real. Just not the same version as the one in your head.

Me : My head, yeah... the source of it all.

God : Now we're just babbling.

Me : What do you want me to say? You're the one holding the information.

God : Aren't you gonna tell me that I have the right to remain silent? :)

Me : But you're not human.

God : Yeah, but I can sing. I know that song you're singing earlier. Was it for her?

Me : Yeah... If only...

God : If only what?

Me : If only she can hear it.

God : She can.

Me : Really?

God : Yeah. You just need to make her listen. There is one way to do that.

Me : What's that?

God : Tell her.

Wet Sunday Night on Cia Cia’s Birthday

2009-05-15T15:14:00.005+07:00

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?

I have always been a fan of birthdays, though lots of my birthdays were forgotten and let passed away... but like I said, I’ve always been a fan of my friends’ birthdays. I like to celebrate something.. because doing so reminds me that I have them as company... that I’m not lonely. If I have learned one thing, you gotta appreciate moments like these...

But it’s hard to appreciate Cia Cia’s birthday last Sunday. Why so? Everything would have gone so well if it wasn’t for the damn rain. I gotta tell you, it’s been raining in Medan every night. Sometimes it’s just a happy drizzle.. but most of the times it’s like someone just poured gallons of water from the sky. That someone whose ass I like to kick very much.

So the plan was to go to NAV Karaoke at seven pm, but due to the very heavy rain.. I and Sugi were stuck inside Steven’s house for hours... along with Steven of course. We went there because earlier the three of us went to buy two cakes at Papa Mama Bakery. The moment we were back at his house, the rain started to fall. Around five thirty that afternoon, we walked the road Katamso to find food. We knew we had to eat before the party started. I remember this time very clearly because the sky had turned gray, the clouds had leaked water, and it’s very wet all around. But the main reason was that during all that time, I was texting Em.

On that damp afternoon, I didn’t know why but I couldn’t get her out of my head. Hell, I can’t not think about her every day, even right now...

So we did find a place to eat. Somewhere on the corner of the streets. And after we made sure our stomach was full. We went back to the house. That was when the rain got heavier and heavier. After six o’clock, we were all worried like hell how we would get to NAV, because the thunders and the lightnings and the rain and the flood... all of them didn’t help at all.

Suwandy, Achuan, and Hendry arrived with their car. Steven went with them carrying the cakes, and our presents for Cia Cia. Sugi and I challenged the rain by traveling by motorcycles on that very wet night. Soaked and Dripping all over, the two of us made it to NAV, which was blacked out due to the rain. We asked them when the power would be up... they told us anytime soon. But after several coupleteens minutes of waiting, all of us were very disappointed because the people at NAV told us that they would be closing for the rest of the night, and we were forced to leave. Cia Cia and her girls finally arrived just to see we’re leaving again. So we were headed to Happy Puppy, the other karaoke place we thought were OK.

One more time, Sugi and I were travelling in to the rain. At times, he even asked me if it’s all worth the trouble.. whether we’d better be going home. But I told him that we were all this way and I wouldn’t want it all to be in vain. After all, I couldn’t do it to Cia Cia.

So we went to Happy Puppy. Getting wetter than ever, we arrived there, followed by Cia Cia and her companies. Ayen and Cia Cia went inside and then outside again in a very short time. We were surprised and were ready for the bad news we knew we would get. The place was full.

Hendry and his friend Hendra arrived as well, after got soaked up by the rain. All of us discussed for a minute, knowing that that night had turned bad and late. It’s already eight and we’re one hour late from our previous plan.

K2! We finally decided to go there... hoping there would be a place for fifteen of us. I even told myself that if K2 was also full, then it’s all over.

But another thing happened on the way to K2. As I went there with Sugi and Hendry, all of sudden, Hendry blew a tire. His front tire was punctured just outside Sun Plaza. It was still raining, and Sugi who didn’t know anything about this had gone straight to K2. I helped out Hendry who was riding with Hendra. They were annoyed, but couldn’t do anything about it. So the two of them went to find a workshop while I was heading to K2 to tell the other guys that those two wouldn’t be joining us that evening. It’s almost like a war. Lol.

I arrived at K2, finding a confused Sugi. The other guys hadn’t arrived yet. Its already eight thirty and the rest of the party still at large. I called them and it turned out they were lost! How could they get lost in the middle of the city to a place we had been going to so often so many times? I didn’t understand the level of stupidity of that situation. But I figured the K2 wouldn’t wait much longer, so I booked a room and Sugi and I went inside. Ten minutes later, the others joined us. Cia Cia, Steven, Ayen, Lia, Yuvina, Mery, Cory, Suwandy, the other Hendry, Achuan, and then Michael, Apau, and Felix joined us too an hour later, making us fifteen people in the suite room of K2, in the middle of the wet night.

After got soaked up, flooded, blacked out, pissed off for waiting, soaked up again, disappointed at Happy Puppy, soaked up again, flat tired, and lost, we all made it eventually. And it’s time to get the party started.

LoL. The party only went for two hours because we were running very late... and its going darker each minute. Like usual, we were singing and having a great time there.. and then Cia Cia cut the cake, gave a piece for everyone.. Ayen was the MC, kinda.. like usual... and I was the one who always sang the Happy Birthday song, Steven was the one who’s in charge in taking pictures and videos... and the rest of us were in charge in eating. LoL.

You can see several of the pictures below...

Picture of me and Ayen singing duet...

More pictures :

Me alone

Steven the Cameraman. He didn't realize when I took this picture. LoL at his face.

The twenty three years old Cia Cia cutting the cake...

These are the pictures when Cia Cia opened my present.. she was reading the card I attached along with the present.

These are the pictures of Cia Cia accepting presents from the other guys..

Below is the short video of me singing Jason Mraz’s I’m Yours... I dedicated this song for Cia Cia when the rest of us were eating the cake.. Hehe... I didn’t sound too good, so you may only see a short clip from that. Hehe...

The party last just for a short time. Two hours seemed to fly easily.. but it was worthed the wait and rain too. Hehe... Here we were all together.

Together.

I always like this word. Means a lot.

Make Me Babies

2009-05-10T13:54:00.005+07:00

Why do you call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere, yet call it hemorrhoid when its in your ass?

So, I'm bored today and I saw a something fun in livedaily.com so I guess I tried to make my own baby as well. Lolz... I don't have much time, so I thought I'd start with my favourite actress.. I'll mix them up with my friends and even Em later on. But now..

Meet little Alexis, my and Scarlett Johansson's daughter :

Little James, my and Rachel McAdams' son :

Little Natasha, my and Drew Barrymore's newest daughter :D

Here's Michelle, my and BoA's newest daughter..

And Last but Not Least :

Meet Little Shriek, my and Shrek's newest son :

Whoa!!

Lolz...

I guess as a dad.. I'm too slutty.. slept with many famous sexy chicks.. OYG.. I'm Edison Chen! LoL

Anyway, gotta go now. Today is Cia Cia's birthday party. I will update this entry with lots of other mix ups with my friends... lolz.. I wonder how they will turn out. :D

Leo and Capricorn

2009-05-08T13:55:00.004+07:00

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

I don't really believe in Zodiac love compatibility result, but I gotta tell you, I have to post this. It's too funny. LoL...

Leo’s are the great romantics of the zodiac; they love to be at centre stage or in the middle of their circle of friends.

Fire and passion burn in their mind and body – they are party lovers who tend to burn the candle at both ends. Leo’s have a strong sex-drive and a powerful presence that can be irresistibly sexy!

They radiate extreme confidence and love to take charge in bed. Expect all the trimmings with a Leo, romantic dinner setting, champagne, sexy lingerie and satin sheets forms the basis of their seduction scene. They are sexually adventurous, creative, and highly skilled in their lovemaking and capable satisfying the most demanding partner.

Routine predictable sex is a non-no for Leo who prefers challenge and an unpredictable sexually adventurous partner.

Leo rules the spine, back and heart so sweeping gentle caresses along the length of the spine with particular attention to the sensitive lower back, will relax as well as sexually excite them.

Best Bed Mates for the Leo: Sagittarius, Aries, Gemini, Libra , Virgo, and Capricorn.

I wonder, can it be true?

As I hit the net, I kept reading that Leo and Capricorn is an awful match. But wait a minute...

Barack and Michelle Obama are Leo and Capricorn, and they seem to be going just fine. Huehuehue..

So the point is that we shouldn't believe in any of this. Whatever they say, you say match.
They say we don't match, I say we match!

Screw Astrology, LoL...

Discussion about love

2009-05-04T14:42:00.005+07:00

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.

There'll come a time, or many times, in your life, when you need to decide on something life-changing, and actually have the guts to do it. When it comes to love, I am always a shy person. I don't wanna be like that anymore. I need to show how I feel. It's my feeling, I shouldn't be ashamed of it, right?

So here's the deal. I first knew this girl like a month ago.. just a very short period of time. Officially, we knew each other three weeks ago. A week later, we met in person. And by that time, I'd fallen for her. She's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen directly with my own eyes. I realize fully that I will be so lucky if she has any feelings for me. The first time I talked to her, I got the feeling that she and I would be really great together. Despite her gorgeousness, I saw a simple person inside of her, kind and warm, the one that's not been corrupted by the politics of relationships, the one who sees the best of everyone, and hopefully, me.

I tried to be close to her, to get to know her better, but at the same time, I tried to distance myself... I didn't want to be aggressive. The last thing I wanted was to push her away. I haven't got the idea if it's working now, but I will soon find out.

Over the past couple days, my relationship with her has seemed to spawn ups and downs. It's hard to keep my distance from her, so ironic, because we're separated most of the time anyway, but I really miss her. I think of her everyday. If they didn't say that love and obsession isn't the same thing, I would have called myself obsessed. But I think I'm just infatuated. Is there any difference?

The truth is, I don't care.

All I care about now is whether she'll say yes. As selfish as it may seem, I can't help but think that isn't now my time? People have got their chances. What about me? It's about time I have my own happiness for a change.

So that's what I do now. I'm trying to win her. I'm struggling towards my happiness.

Last night, we talked for hours, mostly about relationship. She said that I was different from the others, that I was kind and not boring, patient, and she thought I'm a relationship material. But I couldn't read her. Does she feel the same way about me? Or was I deluding myself? Does she have someone else in mind? Because it's now either me or someone else. And I'd rather it's me so much that my heart hurts when I think of her with someone else. Again, so selfish of me.

But is this selfish, for wanting to make her happy? Because I feel that deeply and clearly. It's genuine and true. I really want her to be happy, but I just want it to happen with me. From what I've gathered, I could tell that she has some heart-brokens in the past. I need to guarantee it's never gonna happen again. I will never hurt her. I think I'm this kind of man.

What's the chance of her rejecting me? Fifty-fifty, I'd say. It's such a big risk, because usually, at this rate... Fifty-Fifty in my life means that there's a 90% it will go wrong! But I have made my mind, because there's only one way to find out. So I'm gonna tell her how I feel.

And if worse comes to worst, I won't stop chasing her. I don't care if she's out of my league.

Backstreet's Back, AGAIN!

2009-04-30T13:49:00.009+07:00

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

UPDATE : I've listened to their songs.. all of them are great, different but still the boys! My order of the songs from the greatest to the least : Fallen Angel, She's a Dream, Bigger, Masquerade, and International.

I also took down the links for download. I just found out that Backstreet Boys didn't leak the songs intentionally, so they are upset about this. As a fan, I won't repost those links. Backstreet Boys needs to come back strong!

I've just found out about this. And I think it made my day! For you who knows me, you must know that I'm the biggest fan of Backstreet Boys in Tembung! Lolz... I would have said in North Sumatra, but I didn't even go to their concert last year! Though I was wishing I could have gone so bad... but well.. it's all in the past.

Backstreet Boys is in the process of finishing their latest untitled seventh album, and it sounds that this album will be very different from the previous ones (I'm talking about the not-so-successful Never Gone and Unbreakable). They insert more RnB style, less ballad, and they cooperate with many artists like NeYo, Akon, JC Chasez, and more... and they bring back the greatest composer ever, my favourite song writer named Max Martin...

The point is, I think this new album will be terrific and it will be the comeback of the Backstreet Boys. Plus, new album means new world tour. I hope they come back to this so-called "country" Indonesia... perhaps even perform in Mikie Holiday.

Hahahaha...

Ok, this is from Wikipedia :

7th Studio Album (2009-present)

The group has started to work on a new as of yet untitled album due for release in 2009 and are confirmed to be working with Max Martin, OneRepublic singer Ryan Tedder, and Hip-Hop singer T-Pain. Lil' Wayne, RedOne, Ne-Yo, Brian Kennedy, Andre Merritt, Pitbull, Claude Kelly, Akon, JC Chasez, Jim Jonsin Eddie Galan of Mach 1 Music, Nasri, and many others have confirmed collaborations on the new album.

According To KBS Radio The Backstreet Boys have recorded 18 songs for their new album.

You can download five leaked tracks from this new album by clicking these links :

(links have been removed... hehe... sorry :D)

The five tracks are :

1. Fallen Angel
2. Bigger
3. Masquerade
4. She's a Dream
5. International

I'm supposed to download this right here right now, but it's too bad that I'm currently in Neverland and it's impossible to download anything bigger than 1 MB here.. Sucks! But I'll save these links and I'll download them first thing later!

Video of the boys before the last show on the Unbreakable Tour :

Thank you Backstreet Boys, for never giving up and keep on existing! You are indeed the best group ever!

"As long as there'll be music we'll be coming back again!" - AJ McLean from the song "Everybody"

Funny Google Suggestions

2009-04-26T13:26:00.004+07:00

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

1. Well, go to google first!
2. Type something on the search bar.
3. Don't hit enter :D

Below are just the products of my curiosity...

Sure... there'll come a day when google is making us stupid... :D Just don't hold your breath.

Haha.. I laughed. Google will eat itself? Google will take over the world? Highly likely, huh? Google will not search for Chuck Norris. LMAO!! I wonder why. Google, will you marry me? Huahahahahaha....

Later, Harry Potter crossed my mind, so I thought... "why don't I try him?"

Amongst "Harry Potter is satanic" and "Harry Potter is sexist", I couldn't help but wonder that more than 800,000 people thought that "Harry Potter is better than twilight". Lolz

But of course, it wouldn't be fair if I didn't try to enter "Twilight is" as well... expecting "Twilight is better than Harry Potter"... but instead...

Lolz... Is this proving something? Well, at least Twilight is also sexist... lolz..

Twilight's fans would kill me if I didn't try this somewhere else... so I went to Youtube :

And there it is... The same result... although I began to question the credibility of You Tube users as soon as I read "Harry Potter is a barbie" suggestion.

But then :

Finally! Twilight beats Harry Potter in You Tube! :P But it also says that "Twilight is gayyy", with three Ys. Lolz

Then I remembered Obama.. the first black president of america...

It looks like when Google asks a question, google has the answer.. :p

Lol again! He will be assasinated, huh? But the negativity doesn't stop there as you can see... "Obama will destroy america", "Obama will fail", "Obama will ruin america", and the strangest of all is "Obama will be tested"... for what? lolz.

And then I typed "Obama will never", hoping it would show "Obama will never be assasinated"...

But it turned out this way. Wake up guys! He IS the president now! Lolz...

But perhaps only googlers thought that way, because Yahooers...

They are more realistic :P

But after that, I put random words and kept getting funny suggestions :D

Like : What's the worse thing than cannibals, one asks... ?

It's when you eat them.

LoL

And now confession time :

YOU WHAT???

What about your girlfriend?

Oh really? Cool!

AWWW! Sorry! Lolz

Do you know the difference between boys and girls? When boys are talking about their girlfriends ...

But when girls are talking about their boyfriends ...

I mean, REALLY??? Hahahaha...

I guess in times like that ... when your boyfriend wants to pee on you, you can always say :

"WHAT THE DUCK?"

People on earth are strange...

They look like a monkey and smell like one too :D

And in You Tube, people look like gorillas... or movie stars... or a hoe :D

What is baby prostitute? Lolz

Beyond that, things get a little insane...

This I found when I was surfing earlier :p
Read the last entry...

What's happening with people? LOL

I think we should create a quiz on television called : "Who wants to be a Vampire"...

but wait a minute... Is becoming a vampire a good choice for your career?

Oh I See.

But you can always learn something from google..

You can find everything in google...

I mean it! EVERYTHING! You can even learn how to poop your pants! :D

Lolz..

In the end, it's just a joke. I really found these suggestions on the search engines... funny as hell.. so now you know, google can make you laugh.

The scary thing is...

You know most people in Indonesia laugh uniquely...

Instead of a normal "Hahahaha...", they say : "Wakakaka...."

But Google knows that too...

Wakakakakakakakaka!

Missing Kratos (not romantically, no ^^), and Missing Her (yes, romantically, yes ^^)

2009-04-24T13:13:00.004+07:00

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

It's been a while since the last time I played playstation 2. My brother, he took it away to his office and hence I never have any chance to play again. Hehe... My favourite game in PS 2 is and has always been God of War. It is such a great game. I've played and finished the first and second game, respectively God of War and God of War II.

Recently, my friend Riwan asked me a lot of about the game's puzzles. He is playing God Of War II almost everynight and sometimes when he's stuck in the middle of a puzzle, he seeks me for help.m I gladly help him, and at the same time, I miss this game. He asked me to go to his house later tonight, he has some questions for me regarding this game. I will happily come. But now, as I read about the third and final installment of God of War, I began to feel really excited about it.

I went to wikipedia for more info, and youtube to watch the trailers directly. Safe to say, it has excited me even more now... like seeing Kratos' new weapon... Helio's Head... if I'm not mistaken. Hahaha.. You see the trailer for yourselves then... :

Too bad it's in Playstation 3 only. I still don't have that. Hahaha.. But I think I will get that at some point. No way in hell I will miss this wonderful game. Hohohoho...

On a lighter subject (lighter? ^^), I also miss a girl terribly. I want to meet her again so badly that my stomach hurts. I know we have a plan to meet two weeks later, but is it so selfish to meet sooner? I already can't wait... can't wait to see her beautiful face again... ah.. the prettiest... can't wait to talk to her again... and most of all, can't wait to tell her that I like her.

I know.. but the anticipation is killing me. I really need to get it over with. I don't need all this second thinkings which may somehow cloud my head and fill it with hesitation and doubt.

Ah.. but I guess all I can do it to wait. Wait Wait Wait! Something can happen. We never know :D

The First Impression

2009-04-20T15:57:00.004+07:00

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

The time of falling in love is either vivid or vague. I am between places right now. There is this girl I've known for a while. She has a lot of things in common with me. I like talking to her because she's kind, caring, and not like any other girls I've met. But I don't feel the spark rushing inside of me. I like her a lot and I want to feel it, but I can't. Should I just ask her to be my girlfriend? Or should I wait for more time?

But here's the thing. To complicate things, I recently met a new girl who is more beautiful than her. This girl is everything I want physically. But it's still too soon to tell if she's the kind of person whom I like to be with.

So as I put my question in a pending state, I decided to wait for a while. During this time, I will get to know both of them more better. The second girl, I met her today for the first time.

She is indeed the most beautiful girl. I'd be very lucky to have her. I've seen her and talked to her. We were having a brief meeting earlier. I must admit that she's exceeding my expectations. I really want to know her better and get closer to her. But I am scared of what to do next. I'm not really good with this kinds of thing. I am afraid to push her away. She's one perfect girl now. She may like me but I can't tell.

The first impression is a big deal. Therefore, I tried to be my best when I saw her today. I don't know if it worked.

Ahhh... I'm among the feelings of confused, excited, happy and imaginative. I want to see her again so badly. I'm looking for a way to ask her out again without sounding too aggressive. Damn it, why can't I think straight when it's about her?

But the first impression has passed. It's now in the next step. I must be careful. And now... I just don't know what to do. Not an idea.

This feeling is new. I'm happy. I'm confused. I'm really worried about myself. This is a special thing. I won't mess it up.

Top Fifteen Happiest Songs Ever

2009-04-18T14:42:00.006+07:00

My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

I believe that music can touch us in a way that's as beautiful as love. If you mix them together, you'll get a combination of something very wonderful. For most people, one of the happiest times of their lives is when they fall in love. That's why lots of songs speak about love, love and love.

This list is the top fifteen of the happiest songs of all time, in my opinion. But happiness is relative. How can one choose what song is the winner?

Therefore, I chose them from thousands of songs I know, narrowed them in to a small number of 52 happiest songs, and from that list, I decided the top fifteen based on these factors :

1. It must be an English song.

2. It must have wonderful melody. Doesn't matter if it's fast pace or slow, as long as it brings the feeling of happiness, contentment, joy, peace, and comfort in my heart. An awesome song can make me shivering with goosebumps, sketch a smile on my face, and have me singing them all night long.

3. It must have excellent lyrics. It's like what Sophie Fisher said in "Music and Lyrics" : "A Song is like a girl. Your first impression is her body, her pretty face, the sex. That's the melody of a song. But the lyric is when you get to know the person. It's the story within." So I guess you see how important the lyrics of a song are.

4. How well the melodies and the lyrics connect, and how the connection can touch us and make us drowned in a pool of happiness. For example, there are songs with the happiest lyrics but written for a sad melody. These kinds of songs are eliminated.

So without any further ado, let me present from the rank 15...

15) The Bangles - Eternal Flame

You must have heard of this song at least once in your life. It's a popular classic ballad that's so successful that it's been covered by a lot of artists, including Atomic Kitten, Human Nature, Rollergirl, etc. And if you've watched the movie "The Sweetest Thing" featuring Cameron Diaz , Christina Applegate and Selma Blair, you'll see this song being sung funnily at the end of the movie.

This song made number 15 because of its catching melody and its sweet lyrics. The first verse of this song is just heartwarming :

Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming?
Is this burning an eternal flame?

If by chance you haven't heard of this song, I'll give you the original version below :

14) Phil Collins - You'll be in my heart (Original Soundtrack of Tarzan)

Phil Collins sang this song amazingly, but the version I really want you to listen, and the same version that makes its way to number 14 is the one from the movie Tarzan, where the female ape singing it! This version is the most touching one. I remember vividly of this song because it kinda has a sentimental side for me and my friends, Ricki Rinaldi and Dabin Sutoso. When I was in highschool, we found this music very calming and beautiful that we listened to it over and over again. What a wonderful song. It is indeed always in my heart.

Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand, hold it tight
I will protect you from all around you
I will be here...
Don't you cry.

Ah... even now...

13) Nat King Cole - L.O.V.E

Do you know this song? Nat King Cole was a famous American jazz singer. L.O.V.E is a unique song, you'll know once you listen to it below. I really like this song, because it makes me happy. The theme is of course about love, but more than that, this song reminds me that love equal happy, not heartbroken or miserable. Plus, everytime I listen to this song, I remember the scene of Ross Geller trying incorrectly and stupidly to imitate this L.O.V.E acronym in Friends.

Here's the correct one :

L - is for the way you Look at me
O - is for the Only one I see
V - is Very, very extraordinary
E - is Even more than anyone that you adore

Lolz.

12) A1 - If You Were My Girl

Ah, another song from my past! Haha.. This is one happy "falling-in-love" song. Back when I was in highschool, this song was played everytime I and my friend (glance at Erick Yang ^^) were driving in the car. And this song symbolized the feeling of "in love" back then. It was some kind of our inside jokes, but I love this song nevertheless. Number 12 for this nostalgic song!

11) King Harvest - Dancing in the moonlight

This is a classic! Just like Eternal Flame, this song has been covered many times, the most popular perhaps by Toploader, Switchfoot, Baha Men, and Fool's Garden. The beat of this song just never dies throughout the years. If you wish to find songs that can make you happy, this song is definitely your choice.

You can hear it here in Toploader's version, which was used in the movie "A Walk to Remember". The song's first line, "We get it on most every night" is often misheard as "We get it almost every night".

10) Creedence Clearwater Revival - Have You Ever Seen The Rain?

Yap? Have you ever seen the rain? Or more like... have you ever listened to this song? I love this classic song. The first time I heard it was on an old TV commercial broadcast in Indonesia. Hell, I don't even remember what commercial it was. I just remember this song. Years later, I learned that this group sang it. You can also hear this in the opening of the movie Evan Almighty featuring Steve Carell and Adam Sandler's "The Longest Yard".

The lyrics are simple and great.

Someone told me long ago
There's a calm before the storm,
I know; It's been comin' for some time.
When it's over, so they say,
It'll rain a sunny day,
I know; Shinin' down like water.
I want to know,
Have you ever seen the rain
Comin' down on a sunny day?

9) Heavy D and the Boys - Now That We've Found Love

Now we're moving to Reggae hit which song was featured in the end of Will Smith's movie "Hitch". This song is happy. It's full of joy and the "I'm-flying-without-wings-because-I'm-in-love" kinda feeling. I liked this song from the first time I heard of it, that was when I finished watching Hitch in the cinema. Actually this song is a cover from an old disco band named Third World. Now, if you haven't heard this before.. just press the play button below. This great pop/rock/rap song makes to number 9 of the happiest songs ever!

Spread your wings
So we can fly around the world
Harmony, charm of me
Your fingertips are callin me
When you drop me kisses
You're so cute you drop the bomb on me
(Now) Stretch it, stretch it
Flex it, flex it
Gimme the permission
Okey, dokey

8) Craig David - Unbelievable

Unbelievable! How could I put this great song only on number 8? Lolz. That's because, as awesome as this song may be, there are still other songs happier than this. But you should know that this is the third song popped in my mind if I was asked what song will I sing once I realize that I'm in love. The first and second one? I'll tell you later! ^^

With simple yet charming lyrics that understand me, and beautiful music wrapped in Craig's best voice ever... I strongly recommend you guys to listen to this song, especially if you're in love. Because :

It's so unbelievable,
And I don't want to let it go,
Something so beautiful,
Flowing down like a waterfall.
I feel like you've always been,
Forever a part of me.
And it's so unbelievable to finally be in love,
Somewhere I'd never thought I'd be.

7) Jason Mraz - I'm Yours

Of course! How can my favourite song in 2008 not be included in this list? Jason Mraz best song so far, and this song helped me thru my life. It's not a sad song, because I'm cheered everytime I sing this song, and for that, it makes number 7 on the happiest songs. I've memorized all the words from top to bottom.

Open up your mind and see like me!
Open up your plans and damn, you're free!
Looking to your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours...
so please don't please don't please don't...
There's no need to complicate.
Because our time is short...
This o this o this is our fate!
I'm yours!

Hahaha.. I have to write that! That is the best part of the song.

6) Minnie Riperton - Lovin' You (Is Easy Cause You're Beautiful)

Huahahaha! Yes! This song! If you have heard it before... then you'll know that this song is amazingly amazing. Hahaha... Some might find this song so cheesy, especially if that someone has watched Disturbia and has heard this song played in the TV series "Scrubs". This song is great and placed on number 6 because of many reasons. The most obvious one is that this song is sung from the heart, with Riperton's octave vocal length which was second to none. If you try to pay attention to this song, it also has a very beautiful set of lyrics. This song has a soul of its own. It's not cheesy and lame. In fact, it mirrors the feeling of falling in love so accurately. Way to be on number 6 of my list of happiest songs ever!

Lovin' you is easy cause you're beautiful
Makin' love with you is all i wanna do
Lovin' you is more than just a dream come true
And everything that i do is out of lovin' you
La la la la la la la... do do do do do

5) Eric Clapton - Wonderful Tonight

Do I need to explain why I choose this popular song? It's one of the most romantic, the most memorable, the happiest song in years! Everytime you go to Karaoke, there are plenty of people singing it! Chandler and Monica danced upon this song on their engagement night. The lyrics? Awesome! You've got to listen for yourselves.

Its late in the evening
Shes wondering what clothes to wear
She puts on her make up
And brushes her long blonde hair
And then she asks me
Do I look alright
And I say yes, you look wonderful tonight

Simple, isn't it? Yet, when you're in love with someone... this kind of simplicity of words means alot.
The video below has lyrics.

4) Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - Somewhere Over The Rainbow / What a Wonderful World

This song is one of my all-time favourites. The first time I found out about this song was when I watched the ending of Drew Barrymore's "50 first dates". Then I just hooked with this song. It's hard for me to find the artist and the title, because in that movie, this song was uncredited. After a while, I finally found the name Israel on Wikipedia. That's when I got this song.

From the title, you can see that it's actually two songs merged into one, because they're sung in the same key. Israel, or IZ, couldn't sing this song any better than this. It's the song you can interpret in many ways. Some say it's the saddest song ever, and some say it's the happiest song ever. Either way, it's very beautiful. If you never listen to this, then start listening, because you're missing one of the greatest songs in the world.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops thats where you'll find me oh
Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly
And the dream that you dare to,why, oh why can't I?

Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - Somewhere Over The Rainbow Lyrics - For more funny movies, click here

3. Counting Crows - Accidentally In Love

This is the second song that's popped in my head everytime I think of falling in love. Identical with falling in love, this song has the happiest beat, music, and lyrics. Like any other great songs, this song was also featured in movies, like Shrek 2. Whenever I listen to this song, I always think of love. And the question I have is always the same. How can one fall in love accidentally?

Making straight to number 3, this is Counting Crows. The song that's as happy as anyone can be :

2) Tommy Page - I'm Falling In Love

Yep! Number one on my mind, the first song comes to mind after I think of love. It's all about love again. And this song is the best song for me when I'm in love. Why? The only way you can try to understand this is to fall in love with your soul mate, and then really listen closely to what this song has to say.

But as great as this song is, there is still one happiest this. But ranking as the Runner Up is amazing! Listen to this song below.

Are you ready for the winner? The number one of my happiest songs ever!

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1) Daniel Boone - Beautiful Sunday

Heard of it? This is a true classic for me. I first listened to this when I was nine or so. This is amongst my first english song I listened to, the other ones are The Turtles - "Happy Together", or "Kungfu Fighting", or "Sugar Baby Love".

Why is this song on number one? Boy, you wouldn't ask this if you've heard this song. This song is definitely the happiest song ever! The melodies are played cheerfully. The lyrics are bright and happy. The beat makes your feet tap, and your head nod. There was a time I sang this song in a karaoke pub with my friends, and even though they didn't know the song, but they were happy! Everybody will like this song, because it's a damn great song! It's not only catchy, but it's never boring! After all this years, I still like this song very much.

Sunday morning up with the lark
I think I'll take a walk in the park
hey hey hey it's a beautiful day
I've got someone waiting for me
when I see her I know that she'll say
hey hey hey it's a beautiful day

There you go! The happiest songs of all time!

Notable Mention :

These songs were considered when I made this list, but were eliminated because of many reasons. Thought you might like :

Backstreet Boys - Shape of my heart
Clay Aiken - When you say you love me
Ruben Studdart - Flying without wings
911 - The day we find love
Mamoi Haruko - Utamaru Ekaki Uta
Taylor Swift - Love Story
Joe Ramone - What a wonderful world
Hugh Grant - Dance with me tonight
Richard Marx - Can't help falling in love
Backstreet Boys - As long as you love me
Ronan Keating - In this life
Mr Big - To be with you
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Your Guardian Angel
M2M - Eventually
Sixpence None the Ricther - Kiss me
Nsync - Something like you

What do you think? Do you have happier songs I don't know about? Tell me!
What is your happiest song?

Back from the Break

2009-04-17T13:33:00.004+07:00

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

So I guess a couple weeks of get-away was worth it huh? Here I am, back on blogging after leaving silently for a couple of weeks. It was a boredom attack, mixed with loneliness, and routines, and pessimism, and the thought of everything would change but it didn’t.

Everybody needs a break once in a while.

It’s the time they contemplate carefully about taking the next step. What is the next step for me?

I think I’ve been asking that very question too many times already. This blog is filled with my ups and downs. I know, because I am me.

But now I also know that I’ve succeeded in the changing part. I’m no longer clueless about my current living situation, I mean... I used to think about what job should I do if not teaching? How can I get out of this teaching “trap” without making myself poor and moneyless? How can I figure out my next move?

I’ve had the answer to all of that.

I will continue teaching as usual, but for the last time now. This is the last year. I will stop teaching next year, next June. In June 2010, I will be moving on to a new job. A job which will have been prepared for me, by myself throughout this next one year.

Starting this May, my father will guide me to the life of a businessman. I want to create a business of my own. I haven’t figured out the specific yet, but I know. This is the way to the future. It’s also the way out of teaching. I need a commitment, and I’m making one with myself right now.

The training will take the whole year, until next year, in which time I shall be ready to be on my own. But it’s not the only plan I have for my career. As soon as Comic Garden is back on, I will strive to learn as many as I can about Karaoke. This is something that I love. I think I can make a living out of it. But I will have to learn first. Right now, I just know a little. It’s not enough for me. I need to be a Karaoke developer. I want to. I can do this, I’m sure.

This break didn’t just help me clarify what I want in my career life. I’m talking about my love life as well. I believe I’ve had an epiphany. It’s the way to have the change I always wanted.

Do you want to know?

Struggle.

It’s the key. I’ve finally known how to struggle to find my true love, instead of wishing on a wishing star. Instead of talking about her. Instead of doing nothing.

I forced myself to be braver, and to seize opportunities. It’s not like the YES MAN program. It’s about choosing the right ones amongst the opportunities that present, or figuring out which one will be the right one.

I’ve met new people and I’m on the verge of falling in love. And it is fun and new. I will be lonely no more, that’s for sure. Because I’ve known my ways. And if this one goes down, I will have another way.

This new optimism turns out to still have pessimism inside it. I was feeling pessimistic earlier today when I shouldn’t have to. When something happens that suggest things may turn out against my will, I tend to wallow in self-doubt which will turn in to a big question mark of “Why?”

But then another thing happened today, and it made me feel much relieved. I was wrong, after all. My life is on the right track. My love life is too, so to speak.

As for my ragethread website, I like to think that it was a product of the rage inside me. Plus it was funny, so there you go : Rage + Funny = Failed Attempt of a Website that could have been great.

Right now the site is closed. I don’t know what the long term plan is. Maybe someday I’ll reopen it and reupgrade it into a whole other server and add adsense into it which will give me a lot of money...

Like I said,

Maybe.

:)

But right now, my blog, I’m home. And I’m happy. We’ve come a long way.

.

Optimism

2009-03-27T11:42:00.004+07:00

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

What am I seeing right now?

I guess I'm in an unpredictable place in my life. I wanted to change but couldn't. I was desperate for things but I wouldn't do anything about it. It's not that I didn't want to, I did. I wanted to, very much. But something always prevented me to go for it. I was scared and confused, didn't have a clue what to do. I abandoned my blog. I didn't bother to write for weeks. I abandoned my rage site, and the exceeding bandwith from photobucket didn't help me at all. I wished to learn something new as I wanted so much to be in the state of transition. But I wasn't doing that. I was floating aimlessly, with no idea whatsoever what to do in life.

The YesMan Program didn't go quite well because I lacked offers. I wasn't saying that there was none, but every chance I got, which I did, didn't serve me any good. Perhaps the most exciting experience of it all was that night I went to Medan Mall with Novi. There was a guy there, a marketing agent or some sort, asked me to look at something in his hand. It was a perfume. I said yes, remembering that I needed to say yes to everything I used to say no to. So he asked my name and address, saying that I was helping him promoting their products by receiving that perfume gratis. It was OK by me, because at the moment it was gratis. But then it wasn't about the perfume anymore. There were these coupons in envelopes, and he asked me to open it. He said that I would be getting a 10% or 20% discount if I opened a right envelope. I just did what he told me to, I didn't care jack about the discount as I didn't intend to buy anything that evening.

But then the envelope I opened turned out to be the grand price bonus, it said that I'd just won the most expensive product there, a 7 million worth vacuum cleaner. And so he called his friends/staffs, and they were kinda celebrating. They told me that no one had ever won a bonus this big, this expensive. Usually people won a discount voucher, or at best the 2-million product. I won seven millions.

So I just sat there with a big smile on my face, didn't really believe any of that. And then there was this call made by the staff, the call to the company's headquarters in Jakarta. And he made me talking on the phone. The person over there asked me my identity, asked me if I had somehow known the staff personally before opening my envelope, asked me what I'd just won. I told him all the answers he wanted to hear, and then he said that I was legitimate. I won. I could bring the product home that very day. I didn't need to pay any taxes, and I would be appearing inside a home magazine called Nirwala or something.

I was starting to believe, as funny as it may sound. Novi was standing beside me, looking at me with a grin on her face. I didn't expect any of this. But then my instinct told me that this all couldn't be true, because this wasn't a Jim Carrey movie where every yes word could lead me to a fortunate incident. This was a real life, where people tricked and trapped other people to exploit them or fooled them into buying their products.

I thought to myself, if I were to bring the seven million product home, free of any charge, gratis, then I would do it. But as I had expected, it turned out I need to but another four million product in order to get the vacuum cleaner. That's when I realized that I'd wasted my time, and Novi's, and that it was all a setup and trick for people to buy their program. I'd give it to them for trying hard with this nice strategy. Their acting were good, but yeah, I hated them. And then, I just bailed. Novi and I left there and got the dinner we'd planned.

So far, saying yes didn't bring me much luck. Mostly it just wasted my time. But I am more open than I was before because of this program, so I think that that's all that matters.

Yesterday, I began to reinvent myself. I met new people, and I played bowling again. It was very much entertaining. I've forgot how much I loved the game.

So I just keep trying to change. I know it's hard. It's been hard. But I will not give up. NGU, as my friend Erick always says. Never Give Up! I will change in to better. It's just a matter of time.

Saying Yes

2009-03-08T18:22:00.004+07:00

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Who thought that watching Jim Carrey's movie last night really affected me in a way like the movie Lost in Translation did? I was inspired and knocked out of my senses while I realized that the first 20 minutes of that movie reminded very much of my lie. Jim carrey was living a very boring and depressing life in a routine cycle, he was obsessing about his past, like I did, and he hated his job but still went through with it, like I did, plus he spent his spare time watching DVDs, totally like I did.

Man! He was me. It was my life. The movie should have been named WAKE UP YOU STUPID!

Soon after realizing all of it, I began to love the movie. I sat upright at once, paying the most tangible attention.

YES MAN is a movie which concentrates on the life of a guy like me, who refuses to change his pathetic life until at one point he realizes that he needs to change. He follows his friend's advice to attend a motivational seminar about SAYING YES to eveything so one can become more spontaneous hence opening many opportunities to make life more challengeful. Becoming a Yes Man means you must say yes to every offer that comes before you, or at least that's what Jim Carey thinks.

It's a hilarious comedy pretty much alike Liar Liar, where Jim was cursed to never lie for a day. Both of them are now my two of most my favourite movies. I think, after watching this movie, I felt like I wanted to be like Carl, the character who Jim Carrey played.

He chose to act spontaneously and he found that his life's a better place for it. So right after watching it, I made a promise (or a covenant, according to the movie) that I will be saying YES to most of the offers given to me from today, and then see what happens next. You never know. I'm excited really. Probably because I'm feeling that this is the answer to the change I was referring in my previous entry. I'm so excited because I think ( I hope ) that my life is on its way for the better. I'm excited because I'm about to find something, or perhaps someone new. I won't live for the old me. I will live the new me. I'm saying YES!

But like I said above, I will only say YES to most of the offers. I won't be as dramatically crazy as Carl, because deep down inside, no matter how right the movie's message can be, it's still a movie, though it's based on a true story of someone who did this YES program himself.

Am I a YES MAN?

Will I find a girl like Allison?

Will I be happy?

YES!

Things are about to change. Ask me anything. Like Allison said : "Maybe I will do it".

A More Honest Thought

2009-02-27T18:47:00.004+07:00

Don't walk in front of me, I don't want to follow you. Don't walk behind me, I don't want to lead the way. Don't walk beside me either. Just leave me alone!

Hello my dear old blog, my first blog and my favourite blog ever. It's not like I've forgotten about you and don't love you anymore... it's because for these two weeks of absence, I was thinking and contemplating while my other consciousness was trying to cheer me up. The thinking part of me caused me so that I couldn't have anything meaningful to write on this blog. I had no inspiration whatsoever. All that I could think about is finding me a girlfriend and as I looked for options and ended up clueless after all, I daresay that I failed utterly.

Finding a girlfriend isn't easy. Well, it's not when you're an average-paid full-time futureless private-teacher with no car and socially retarded. But you're still a freakin' human and all you can do is feel and think. You can still have a crush on somebody, wish for a wishing star, feel lonely and want it to get out of your system. I just wish I couldn't feel all of it. But again, I'm wishing. And that makes me human.

There's this girl. Let's call her Q. She's the kind of girl that's so rare in this town Medan. Why? Because she just loves what I love. We have so much in common, but when I see her face and look at her... I feel nothing. I want to like her but I can't. I want to like her so bad because I need to. For a while, She's been like the only girl who seems to be able to talk to me with all the things I'm interested in. But I don't think she's pretty. I don't think she's sexy. I don't like her. Why do looks always matter? Should I make a move on her eventhough I don't feel the thing? No. it's selfish. It wouldn't be fair to me or to her.

There's another girl. Let's call her N. I've met N once, and I've seen her pictures very often. The first time I knew her, I thought that this girl was it. She's pretty and hot and she's definitely my type. But when I talked to her, I found out that she's a very rude and childish. But I tried to reason with her, after all, I knew she tried too. She wanted to know me a little better. I tried to do my best to make her like me, because at that moment,I've already felt something towards her. A slight crush. She and I didn't have much in common. That made us quite difficult to find things to talk about. But she's more open minded than any girl I'd ever met, and I like that about her. It's just after we met, I still felt that I couldn't get through to her. And I think it's because she found that she didn't like me after she met me in person. When I tried to ask her to meet again, she always found a reason to apologize. I got it. So I stopped trying.

At last, there was this someone I've known for a while now. I used to hang out with her but I didn't anymore these last few months. Strangely enough, I met her last week and we said we missed each other. Let's call her O. She's the kind of girl that's totally the opposite of me. I like everything she doesn't like and I don't like everything she likes. But we still meet and talk like two good friends. Sometimes, when I walked with her and held her hands, I thought I'd taken things to another level, but she always refused that. I don't get her at all. And as for me, I don't really have feelings for her. I think that I know now, I only went out with her when I felt lonely and when I loved the company. She's not even my type of girl. Far from it. There are things of her that I like. But I really don't think that I can be in a relationship with her. And she seems to know that too. But one question always rings in my head. Why have I always asked her out? Why has she always given me such a false hope if there could never be any relationship between us? Either way, I've promised myself to never fall to this same trick again. I will find somebody else.

The three of them were making me busy and restless. They filled my head so bad that there's no room for inspiration anymore. I couldn't write. I could just posted pictures for my new website every single day (which backfired, because my stupid photobucket has just exceeded its bandwith! Arrrgh!) I'll deal with it later.

I don't know where to turn. Maybe I should go out literally and find some new girl and introduce myself. No bull shit. Right now I'm feeling really brave. I don't feel like the person I was before. Right now, if there's a pretty girl in front of me making an eye contact with me, I will not be hesitant to go talk to her.

I'm just that desperate or crazy. But I think desperate isn't suitable with my current status. I'm not desperate to have a girl friend. I just want things to change... things in my life. And the first thing that comes to mind is that I need to find a person to share my life with. I really need to evolve and not eternally drown in the shy-retarded geek boy. I need to change.

But even that I found to be difficult.

A part of me says that I just haven't found the right girl. No body in their right mind hates me. I think I can say for myself that I'm a normal friendly person. And a normal single girl would wake up each day and none of them won't wish that she would meet a guy who would sweep off their feet. Arrgfh! Why all the politics! Why can't I just tell the girl I like that I like her?

You know what?

I'll try just that. Telling the girl straight forward.

A friend of mine, Hendry, talked to me and Sugi once about this. I remember vividly that he acts so aggresively with girls. No high school bull shit because we're way past that.

If you like somebody, tell them. No big deal. I wanted to change. THIS IS CHANGE.

Note to myself when I'm reading this again in the future : Alphabets above minus one. A-1.

Love Story

2009-02-12T19:50:00.009+07:00

Whats the best thing about babies? MAKING EM!

Once upon a time, there was a Romeo... and then there was Juliet.

(Juliet ) We were both young when I first saw you.
I close my eyes, and the flashback starts.
I’m standing there.
On a balcony in summer air.
See the lights.
See the party, the ball gowns.
I see you make your way through the crowd.
And say hello.
Little did I know,

(Juliet ) That you were Romeo and you’re throwing pebbles.
whom my daddy said stay away from Juliet.
And I was crying on the staircase begging you please don’t go.
And I said,

(Juliet ) Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone.
I’ll be waiting.
All there’s left to do is run.
You’ll be the Prince, and I’ll be the Princess.
It’s a love story.
Baby just say yes.

(Romeo) So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet cause we’re dead if they knew.
So close your eyes.
Escape this town for a little while

(Romeo) Cause I was Romeo, and I was a scarlet letter.
And my dad said stay away from Juliet.
But you were everything to me.
I was hoping you please don’t go.

(Romeo) Then you said,
(Juliet) And I said,

(Romeo & Juliet) Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone.
I’ll be waiting.
All there’s left to do is run.

(Romeo) I’ll be the Prince, and you’ll be my Princess.
(Juliet) You’ll be the Prince, and I’ll be the Princess
(Romeo & Juliet) It’s a love story.
Baby just say yes.

(Juliet) Romeo save me.
(Romeo & Juliet) They try to tell us how I feel
This love is difficult, but it’s real.
Don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out of this mess.
It’s a love story.
Baby just say yes.

Oh Oh.

(Juliet) I got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around.
My faith in you is fading.
When I met you on the outskirts of town.
And I said,

(Juliet) Romeo save me I’ve been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in my head?
I don’t know what to think.
You knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring.
And said,

(Romeo) Marry me Juliet
You’ll never have to be alone.
I love you, and that’s all I really know.
I talked to your dad.
Go pick out a white dress.
It’s a love story.
Baby just say yes.

Oh Oh, Oh Oh.

(Romeo) Cause we were both young when I first saw you.

It's a song, initially. A Very great awesome catchy song by Taylor Swift in her album "Fearless".

And Yeah, She's Gorgeous!

I really like its lyrics. Love how good the story telling is. Love it so much that I decided to edit a few things in the lyrics so that the song can be sang by two people now. A duet, A Romeo, and A Juliet.

I was wondering... I would really love to sing this song on my wedding day, of course, on a duet with my soon-to-be wife. Hehehe... Get the picture? This song originally is sang by a woman. You can find the song on You Tube, below, and the original lyrics as well.

Video Clip :

Lyrics :

And as for singing this song on my wedding day, it will be one hell of a moment. Indeed a very great and romantic idea. But I guess I still have to find myself a girlfriend who can sing this song and most importantly, who want to sing this song with me. :P
.

Rage Thread Website

2009-02-08T20:38:00.003+07:00

Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?

I think I've taken my obsession about FFFUUU images in to a whole other level. Visit this brand new website I made just earlier that's dedicated to collect those FFFUUU images. Lolz... Those things just crack me out! Hahaha...

http://ragethread.blogspot.com/

Yep. They are called the rage thread.

http://ragethread.blogspot.com/
http://ragethread.blogspot.com/
http://ragethread.blogspot.com/

Will Update later. Let me know how you feel about the comics. I could never get tired for all the laughing.

And speaking about laughing, earlier I saw these funniest jokes... One of them was surveyed as the funniest joke in the world, and the other just hilarious.

Joke Number 1 :

THE HUNTER

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”

Jokes Number 2 :

COSTELLO GETS A COMPUTER

Costello: Hey, Abbott!
Abbott: Yes, Lou?

Costello: I just got my first computer.
Abbott: That's great, Lou. What did you get?

Costello: A Pentium IV-2.66, with 256 Megs of RAM, a 120 Gig hard drive
Abbott: That's terrific, Lou.

Costello: But I don't know what any of it means!
Abbott: You will in time.

Costello: That's exactly why I'm here to see you.
Abbott: Oh?

Costello: I heard that you're a real computer expert.
Abbott: Well, I don't know . . .

Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me.
Abbott: Really?

Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.
Abbott: O.K. Lou. What do want to know?

Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off.
Abbott: That's true.

Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?
Abbott: Well, first you press the Start button, and then . . .

Costello: No, I told you I want to turn it off.
Abbott: I know, you press the Start button . . .

Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.
Abbott: I did.

Costello: When?
Abbott: When I told you to press the Start button.

Costello: Why should I press the Start button?
Abbott: To shut off the computer.

Costello: I press Start to stop?
Abbott: Well, Start doesn't actually stop the computer.

Costello: I knew it! So what do I press?
Abbott: Start.

Costello: Start what?
Abbott: Start button.

Costello: Start button to do what?
Abbott: Shut down.

Costello: You don't have to get rude!
Abbott: No, no, no! That's not what I meant.

Costello: Then say what you mean.
Abbott: To shut down the computer, press . . .

Costello: Don't say, "Start!"
Abbott: Then what do you want me to say?

Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.
Abbott: But that's what you do.

Costello: And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.
Abbott: Don't be ridiculous.

Costello: I'm being ridiculous? Well, I think it's about time we started this conversation.
Abbott: What are you talking about?

Costello: I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.

Open Invitation? Invitation's Open?

2009-02-07T18:24:00.000+07:00

I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?

Last night I asked a girl out, sort of like a hang out so I could get to know her better. I asked her if she wanted to go with me next weekend. But then she said, "Next week? Really? On a Valentine's Day. Really?"

Damn it. I had no idea (I forgot) that next Saturday is Valentine's Day. I was supposed to not let her know how I feel. But then again, I think it's out, and I think it's better that she knows. Haha..

By the way, she said she didn't have any plans for Valentine's Day.

Haih..

What's next for me?

The Story of FFFUUU

2009-02-03T19:44:00.005+07:00

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Surfing the net for quite some time, I've come to see many ridiculous things from scary things like gore images, disturbing things like scats and weird fetishes, creative things like the unique wallpapers that I've downloaded recently, until the funniest things ever to make me laugh. I am talking about the motivational pictures in my previous entry, but it isn't the only thing. There's a simple yet hilarious comic I've found from many forums. Something with FFFFUUUU.

The comic is simple. Usually it has four frames, and we can't change the last one. All of the comics are made via MS Paint. In this entry I will post several of those comics I found from other websites, of course I have selected the funniest ones... and I myself have created several too...

See below!

The Newbie

The Haircut

The Pond

The Sponge

The Balloon

The "What's UP"

The Weight-Lifting

The Flat Chest

The Weight Lifting #2

The Weight-Lifting #3

The Pee

The Playstation

The Solace

The Tetris

The Grandma

And below are the ones I created...

The Hair Gel

The Maintenance

The Surprise

The Destiny

That's all. I will update if I make more... hehehe... You can also see a thread of mine containing this pictures in Kaskus... here. FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!

Funniest Motivational Posters, Because We're Too Unmotivated.

2009-01-30T16:04:00.010+07:00

"I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure."
—starting with this entry, there will always be an fun opening OneLiner.

Do you know about Motivational Posters? They are posters with a picture, a title, and a brief statement that are supposed to make you live your life easier by giving you all sorts of motivations and persuasions, the reasons why you should do what you do.

For example of common normal motivational posters :

and

Now, the trick is... to create a new poster formed like that but with creatively funny picture and snappy but brilliantly hilarious comments, like this one :

Now I'm going to post lots of motivational posters, and all of them have passed my selection as the funniest ones ever!

WARNING! VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

Some (or most) of the pictures and comments are not suitable for children due to the frequent uses of Swearing Words like FUCK! SHIT! DAMN! BOOBS! PUSSY! and other words like that...
WOW! You just read those! I guess this warning is useless after all!

Well OK Then, Prepare to laugh until you croak! I'm not responsible for anyone dying because of exceeded laughter.

How about that in one session? Leave a comment if you like this post!

Ginger Farm

2009-01-29T15:08:00.006+07:00

I see that I have never revealed in this blog yet that I am not actually from Medan, I was born in a small town called Kabanjahe, about 72 kilometers away from Medan. This Kabanjahe or Ginger Farm, was a place I didn't like, because my childhood wasn't the best one. But as I'm older and better, I began to feel somewhat nostalgic. Lately, I wanted to go back to visit my old hometown, a place that I've abandoned a long time ago. My family doesn't live there anymore. The only things left for me from that place are my old memories and my old friends.

Speaking of the Gingerers (that's what we call ourselves), Alexander Putra and Eddy were two of my childhood friends whom I've known since I was like five or six. They are currently living in Singapore, but in the last week, both of them were back in Medan and Kabanjahe. So Alex organized a reunion weeks before he came back. We created a yahoogroup and a friendster group as the mediums for us to communicate. Simply to say, we all have been contacting our old friends like Frans Lius, Jimmy Handoko, Christina, Lidya Metasari, Kris Tomy, Michael, Riwan, Willy, Amanta, Adi Putra, Rudi Laut, Eddy, Alexander, and me myself. Of all the people above, Rudi Laut was the only one we couldn't reach, because the last of him we heard was that he was backpacking to deep countries in Sidikalang. Thus, he was cut off from our lives, up to this moment. Frans, Jimmy, Christina, and Lidya couldn't make it, so the rest of us had the reunion we long planned.

I met them last night, some of them I hadn't met in a very long time, especially Adi Putra. He was the longest of all people I didn't see. Turned out he is living here in Medan without me knowing. He opens a food stand in Asia Mega Mas. We all went there to taste just how delicious his work was. We weren't regretting, that's all I can say. :P

From Left : Willy the Bawil, Aliang aka Michael, Eddy Han, Awen, Adi Putra, Alexander Putra, and Bambang.

I ran into Meiwina and Merry while we're there. Me and Eddy talked to her. She and her sister were buying Sate padang. Hahaha... Too bad we didn't snap any pictures. And one more thing... for a few people (me included) who knew about Mei and Adi's history, last night, the meeting with Meiwina again in front of Adi was a little awkward and coincidentally ironic.

Later, we went to K2 to have some karaoke. No need to say much, let me just put the pictures and you can see the enthusiasms and the content atmosphere around us. We sang until 23.30. Great night. Voice ripper. :D Know what I mean?

Note : Most of the pictures below are GIF animations, so make sure you can view them. I'm talking about some person who always reads this via Google Read. You know who you are lar! Hahaha...

Adi Putra was the energy drink... he was like Extra Joss who sings Joss Stone's songs... I was amazed how energetic he was after working so hard earlier...

This is Alex or Ajun, as we call him. This is the first time I heard him singing before. Man! He has a deep voice... hehehe...

This is how singing in karaoke room should be like. Not only standing, we're dancing for the love of Lucifer.

Well, this is the first GIF today :

and now follows :

Yeah.. if you really pay attention when you're reading right now, you might notice that their clothes were different in the picture above. Why, yes... this picture was taken in Kabanjahe, Willy's house. I wasn't there because I couldn't make it to Kabanjahe. But I've got the pictures here and I thought I'd post them. Hehehe...

And notice all their teeth showed up in the second frame of the animation, especially Eddy's. Hahaha.. Funny! It's like : Open! Close! Open! Close! Open! Close! Wakakakaka...

On the animation above, I got to see Amanta and Tomy's old ugly faces... wakakaka.. This was taken in Simalem. Amanta and Tomy didn't come back to Medan last night, so I didn't get the chance to meet them. :(

OK, Back to Karaoke. In the middle of singing, Adi got a crazy idea, well... maybe romantic at some point... to call his honey by his cell and he sang a love song for her. She was listening throughout the song, with Adi's screaming tones flying in every direction, entering that poor girl's ears... lolz.. OK I'll stop. It was sweet. He was saying his love digitally, so to speak. I took several pictures of the process... Let's just see it below :

We also sang the famous Nat King Cole's L-O-V-E, but in Joss Stone's version... actually... in my and Adi's screaming version :D

	Nat King Cole - L-O-V-E

	Found at bee mp3 search engine

After the party ended, we all went home. I on the other hand, didn't want to go home to Tembung, since it was already really late. At midnight, I and Adi went to eat supper, (dinner for Adi, because it turned out he hadn't had one :P). I spent the night at his place, and I got the chance to catch up with him. We talked a lot. A Lot of things has changed since the last time we met. I think it was more than seven years ago.

Adi has changed. As I entered his room, I could see his life and his past, his reasons were just flooding upon me. I knew him before, and I think I don't anymore. He is a brand new man. I'm proud of him. And it got me thinking too, maybe I should be more like him.

Anyway, this entry has gotten more serious than I expected. I should close it now. Hehe... So in the end of our little reunion, Alex was offered by K2 and us to pull down a red pocket from K2's ceiling. It was a part of promotion regarding the Chinese New Year.

But inside the pocket was a useless Rp 5000,- voucher which expired in two months. I was resisting the desire to tear it apart the second the K2's staff handed me the voucher.

Nevermind the nominal, it was a fine gesture afterall.

Seeing them again was really fun, and I'll be honest, I didn't expect it to go this way. We were talking about what will happen to us in the next ten years and how unexpected things will turn out... seeing ten years ago, we were all just a bunch of kids going to school... but now... life is about work, and future.

Ahhh... since when we became adults? I hate it! :P

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Solar Eclipse on Chinese New Year 2009 - or NOT

2009-01-25T15:23:00.009+07:00

You know, it’s not an everyday thing you can just post a title like this on your blog. So as cheesy as it may sound, deal with it, because that’s what is about to happen, or at least what NASA told people few months ago. The last solar eclipse in Indonesia happened about 10 years ago, and I didn’t even know about it then, let alone seeing it. So if this thing is to go down tomorrow, I really wanna check it out, like I said, it’s not everyday you can experience a solar eclipse right on Chinese New Year.

If the data delivered by the NASA is correct, then the natural phenomenon will occur tomorrow, on Monday, at about 1306 hours until 1600 hours West Indonesia Time. It is said that the annular solar eclipse will cover most of Indian Ocean, the West of Indonesia, until Mindanau in Philiphine.

I guess it means Singaporeans and Malaysians will be able to witness it also, though perhaps not fully... not the ring effect, but the sun will be half-covered by the freaking moon.

I would like to see it with my own eyes, but you know... it would be the last thing I see. Oh... I’ve been so hyperbolistic. I guess I can see it, I just don’t have the tools. I want to buy one, though... not sure where to.

Anyway, if it happens tomorrow, it'll be a brand new exciting way to start a New Year, that’s all I say.

UPDATE (Jan 27, 2009) :

I saw nothing yesterday, nada, nilch, nothing covering the sun. At first I thought NASA got the wrong information. But later I found out that I hadn't got the most accurate information yet. It turned out the eclipse didn't pass Northern Sumatra as I'd expected. You can see the path below :

As you can see the main path was through Borneo, west Java and Southern Sumatra.

If you're still unclear of the path, let me put it in animation below...

See that tiny circle..? That's your friggin' moon.

So I didn't experience the eclipse directly by myself, but at least I wasn't wrong about it happening on the Chinese New Year. And I can watch the live video of it through You Tube. No Biggie! The technology rocks, I didn't miss a thing! :P

Happy Chinese New Year 2560! Gong Xi Fat Choi!

Nowhere to go, Everywhere to be

2009-01-22T18:41:00.004+07:00

Eleven days! Haha... Yep! Long time indeed. I don't want to put my blog in the rarely-updated state, but it seems like I have failed. I was so busy and so caught up in many things that I actually didn't have time to update this blog.

Mostly I was busy teaching and adventuring with my best pal, Erick. The latter, I enjoyed the most. I and Erick went to every place we could think of, (minus Sate Padang in Veteran and PasaRame in Thamrin due to the lack of time) and many places we couldn't even think of going, like the places I'm about to show you below.

We called up our old friends Wulan Dari and Catherine. We plan to meet in Sun Plaza, a place where any sane Medanians would go for a hang out, that is until they die of boredom. The point is, there aren't many places in Medan for us to go and hang out. We thought about where to go for hours, and we just drove around with no real destinations.

Of all the places there in Medan, we've thought of going to Sun Plaza, Merdeka Walk, NAV Karaoke, K2 Karaoke, Cemara Asri, Cemara Hijau, Cambridge Hotel, Berastagi Supermarket, Polonia Airport, and even Berastagi itself, which lies about 55 kilometers from Medan.

Wulan and Erick really considered to go to Berastagi, maybe not all the way, perhaps just until Sembahe or Pintu Angin, but still it's a long way to drive. But we ended up going to a new place we'd never been before... a new complex in Padang Bulan, called Citra Garden.

We had absolutely no purpose as to why we went in there. We just drove inside. When the security asked us what our purposes had been, we said confidently : "We want to see houses... we're interested in buying one".

That did it. They welcomed us pleasantly, not knowing any better.. hehehe..

So we went inside, but there was nothing inside except a family house which has a closed tennis court, a swimming pool with lots of people inside, and a tranquil cafe in front of a grand statue of soldiers, I think.

You got what I mean after seeing those comical pictures I edited earlier, right? Hehehe...

Here's the statues...

This picture was really funny. Wulan pulled Erick like a blank paper, and Erick was just pulled sideways like that.. Not intentionally. Hahaha..

Can you tell with what software I was editing this picture? Hover your mouse here.

Haha..

And do you know how time-consuming it is to edit pictures like that? That's why these pictures below weren't edited anymore. I just didn't have all the time, and these are a lot of pictures...

Hehehe..

Have you ever heard the saying : "A Picture worth a thousand words" ? Then these pictures must equal several thousand huh? Let's just enjoy pictures, shall we? I'll just comment here and there.

Citra garden was a short visit. We just spent time there camwhoring and toiletting, hahaha.. and now we went back to the car.

The journey continues...

We're back to square one, wondering where to go. On my and Cath's advice, we went to Cemara Asri, though we had no idea what to do once we got there.

And suddenly we're in the middle of a giant temple in Cemara Asri, the very one I went to in my last day of 2008.

So we took a look around.

We didn't forget to memorize the moments, digitally.

See? that's me doing the Hitler!

Curved waists, do you notice?

Being there the second time, I couldn't help but notice there were many places there I hadn't even seen the last time I went there.

That's Erick, he posed so politely.

I, on the other hand, always love some crazy pose...

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Actually, this picture was supposed to be taken only one time, but Erick took it twice, hence the blurry hands on the second one..

I saw that, and I thought I could combine them to be a Gif file.

Ok, I should pose more... what's the word... un-crazily... hahahaha

And then Wulan took Cath's picture and Erick and I took Wulan's picture while taking Cath's picture... hehehe... see how productive our days were?

And do you see a monster hidden next to Wulan?

let me make it clearer for you...

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See? It was wearing a yellow shirt.

And now the best picture that day...

This is the best picture by Erick Yang's Camera AutoCapture Feature.

The one that followed :

I know, I couldn't stop acting crazy.. It's in my blood.

Then we went back to our car. But we thought we ought to capture the temple's building one last time. So here they are :

And Oh Yeah.. We had our lunch in Sushi Tei. The food was OK, and I ate too much sea-grass that I wanted to puke.

Erick went back to Bandung, today. He contacted me right before he took off, saying goodbye, and that we will meet again in one year on his sister's wedding. Thank you Rik. This one is for you.

Like always, hanging out with a member of els, and old friends from school is contentiously fun, filled with laughter and adventure.

I wouldn't miss it for the world.

The Joy of Photography

2009-01-11T18:36:00.005+07:00

WARNING!!!
This entry contains DISTURBING IMAGES of extremely ugly persons. Just be prepared! :D

Like usual, everytime my best friend Erick is in Medan, we always plan and do adventurous things. We like to try and to do things we never did before. And it's quite hard when you're living in Medan, where there are just a few things to do, things that are extraordinary.

Yesterday, Saturday, I spent my evening with Erick. First we went to Comic Garden for three hours. Both of us needed to upgrade things inside our computers. But while we're there, we're experimenting the Photo Booth feature in Erick's notebook webcam.

The camera has several amusing special effects. We tried several of it with creativity.

Check it out below!
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I don't remember my face to be really square...

Have you ever felt like you're being squashed in to a tunnel?

Hahaha! This one is hillarious!!! We're two monkeys lost in Comic Garden.

Could it be worse?

Yeah! A monkey and a baboon with glasses.

At some point, we must act rational and behave like adults.

Well, not now.

Hey! My gland is swelling!

We are a conjoined twin!

But we finally gave it up. These are some normal photos with and without effects.

a thermal shot.

a black and white shot.

or just a normal shot. It's the best though, it captured the spontaneous moment of laughter.

After goofing around at Comic Garden, we went back to Erick's house. His parents invited me to join them for dinner at Rose Garden, so that's where we went.

At Rose Garden, we ate delicious food while listening to some very loud music of some very old chinese songs which the parents are fond of. Erick and I merely enjoyed the food and the times we mocked a lot of people there.

We went home (to Erick's) at eleven p.m. and then Erick said he wanted to watch a movie called Contract by Morgan Freeman and John Cusack. I watched it for like an hour but then I gave in. With my running nose and the exhausting day from my late sleep the night before, I crashed. Erick stayed up late, though. He watched it until it ended.

The morning after, I got up first at nine and Erick was still in bed sleeping. I got in to a shower then I woke him up. We watched Naruto Shippuden on Indosiar while eating our breakfast. Pangsit Noodle, thanks to his mom.

After that, I went home to Tembung.

I changed and get ready and in half an hour, I was back in Erick's. We went to Medan Fair, this time. I wanted to get service for my four-month-old laptop while Erick wanted to buy Esia. I didn't get the service, since it was too crowded there. We plan on going there again next Thursday. But at least Erick got his Esia.

We had our lunch in Pizza Hut. It's been a while since I had a pizza inside my mouth. So I really love it when I could.

We went to Paladium the moment after, like we'd planned. Our objectives were to check out the new Gramedia which was rumoured to be the biggest in Sumatera. IMO, it looked like the one in Taman Anggrek a lot. Hehe.. But I can say one thing, that it is better than the one in Sun Plaza.

Our next objective was to check out the art and photography exhibition held by Bagasiringan Art and Photography, Toba Photography and TO2 Fine Art Gallery.

See the pictures we took.

below are the fine art gallery of TO2

Yep, that's Erick

This portrait above is named "Saya Siap".. is it a man or a woman?

A very various collection of Obama paintings.

Below are the photography of Bagasiringan.

That's Kwan Im Goddess from Siantar

Bonus, these were me, taken by Erick.

Erick is very keen on learning the art of photography. I am also interested in it. I find most of the paintings and photography really creative and innovative.

As you can see, Erick in the sphere where he worked in Paris Van Java Mall, Bandung.

Another exciting adventure has to end, sometime. Erick and his parents are going to a wedding party in Ria Restaurant right now. They invited me, but I declined because I had to get up early tomorrow for another day of routine teaching.

But in the meantime, I visit Comic Garden for updating this blog. Hehe.

This is my Goodbye Signature, pictures were taken in Erick's house. Hahaha...

Happy Crazy Day!

Supernatural and el_R34lL

2009-01-08T20:05:00.004+07:00

Lately, I'm totally addicted to the TV Show Supernatural. It surprised me, since I have never a fan of ghost stories.. but I think this TV show promises something more. It has good plot twists, crude humour, and a fast pace which I always like in a show. And here goes... it adds again to my long list of great TV Series I've watched.

I'm still in season 1, but I think it's only a matter of little time until I watch all the 4 seasons. Hehehe...

In another topic, totally unrelated, but definitely worth mentioning, my best friend came back to town. I'm so happy to meet Erick again after two years, that was the last time he came back. That dude never changes. :D

Erick

He's here in Medan for at least two weeks, and I've already started adventuring this town with him again... Hehehe...

Something new I tried... Delicious :D

Just yesterday we went to D-Loft, he went there for the first time in his life. Two years since he saw Medan, many thing have changed.

It's only me.

That's called the inevitable vicissitude.

My Wet and Bumpy New Year's Eve

2009-01-04T16:18:00.003+07:00

What do you have in mind after reading that title above? Hehehe.... First of all, I'm sorry it took me a long time to post this New Year's Eve entry. The internet connection in Comic Garden where I usually spend my online time was broken. It's so annoying because they didn't get it fixed for days now, and even as I'm writing this, its still broken.

Yesterday, I and my stingy friend Sugianto drove around Medan to search for the alternative wifi hotspot. Actually the time reminded me of Dabin and our time months ago to have this quest for finding good wifi spots. We wasted the whole day and night last night in Sun Plaza because there were not any good places there. I was bummed, and then I was extra-bummed because it rained so heavily and I got myself all soaked up. Ain't that a new cheerful day in the new year?

So today I went to Thamrin Plaza which foodcourt has just been renovated for the better, and yes, better! It was now called D-Loft, a somewhat famous franchise. It offers a free Wi-Fi Spot. It's just one tiny problem. There's no socket anywhere.

So I walked around the corner and I found a socket in the wall waiting to be exploited. That's my lucky jackpot, I thought. And soon, this DLoft became my new hang out place just in case Comic Garden was still down.

Anyway, I've been railing off the main road. The title above was taken literally. I was having my New Year's Eve driving in an insanely huge traffic jam to Cemara Asri where I think a few hundred thousand people were headed too. I was driving my Smashie while Yanti was behind me. There were also Steven, Cia Cia, Michael, Sugi, Hendry, and Achuan. We also met Suwandy and Hendri at Achuan's house later.

We went to the temple in Cemara Asri and we were trapped there. There was nothing we could do but sit and talk and see the fireworks because there were awfully too many people out there and the traffic was horrible and plus, it was drizzling too. Hahaha..

This was the situation at the temple.. it was beautiful inside and outside, I should have taken more pictures.. hehe

It wasn't my idea to go to Cemara. I've always liked Cemara and it was even one of my favourite places in Medan. But I'd rather go there on usual days where no traffic occurs. But since they were all planning to go there anyway (despite my warning), so we're trapped there until 01.00 am.

Michael and Sugi were on the way joining me... (I found a nice place to sit)

I will post these pictures.. several of them from the temple and two videos, one from the fireworks at twelve o'clock and one from our game night at Achuan's house. There are still many videos left but I was so lazy uploading them so hehehe... (takes too long...)

A little camwhoring... :D

Some body took this picture above.. I don't remember who.

That's me and a big bold guy holding a basket ball.

This man was sleeping due to his previous night which had been so dirty and hot and nasty and... well you know the rest..

When the clock showed the number twelve, we walked out front to see the fireworks playing and dancing. It was pretty good.. just pretty good. Not good enough to really impress me.

There you can see many people were recording it.

I have the video of it too, taken directly from below.

So at One AM, we finally faced the heavy rain and the horrible traffic jam and went to Achuan's house in Belawan. His house was so far that I couldn't feel my ass. After we arrived there, we used our own fireworks that we purchased earlier from Kampung Keling and we wow-ed and ahh-ed and ooh-ed and then it's over.

We went inside and Yanti suggested us to play a string game, how to unlock two people when their wrists were tied up. It was somekind of puzzle, and I was the one tied up.

This was the video below from the beginning. It lasted for half an hour I think, but finally, I and Achuan succeeded to unpuzzle ourselves.

Despite the rain and the traffic jam and the unfeelable ass, I enjoyed this time's party. It was a great way, if one, to end a year and start a new one.

2009 in the end of 2008

2008-12-28T17:52:00.003+07:00

Wow.. it's the end of the year 2008 already... Time really does fly away. As a new age seems to be drawing nearer and nearer, things develop into more complicated than ever. I am now in the pressure of changes. The only thing I know I should be doing more right now is to change my life.

Find myself a new and better job!

Find myself a girlfriend!

Those two sentences keep ringing in my head. So I think it's resolved. My New Year's Resolution is resolved. I only ask for two things. Better Job, and a girlfriend. I hope I can have one of them (or preferrably both) this next year. The rest is already good.

Come on now, 2009!

Let see what happens with my last year's resolutions. How many exactly have I accomplished?

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1. Be more happy, OK? [ Yes! I can confidently say that I've achieved this one. I've been happier this year than I'd ever been in a year. I think 2008 was a good year for me. Can 2009 be better? ]

2. Keep updating this blog. Don't ever abandon her. [ Sure thing! Mission Accomplished! And still going... ]

3. Get over Cy. I know I have been saying to myself that I have moved on, not thinking about her again. But when new things happened and something big happened about her, I know I still cared for her a lil bit. That's not good. I must get over her, completely. [ And yes! This one has been done completely as well. I'm so happy and proud of myself for knowing this for sure. ]

4. Find a girl I like. [ Haha.. I've found one. But I don't think she likes me :( ]

5. Lose more weight. I can't believe I say this. I can't even believe I think of this. But yes, sadly, I am being to fat for my own sake. I think I start becoming real fat ass since the beginning of "the stress" I had months previously. Then I joined a gym but only for a month. After that, I wished very much to go there again, but I had no time because I had to teach. Now that I've laid off some work from my schedule, it's still an absurd thing for me to go to gym. I need more free time. [ Aww.. Failed! If ever, I think I became fatter instead. Hahaha.. ]

6. Find, Track, and Buy Will and Grace season 2, 3, 4, 5, and so on. Ok. It's a promise. For the information, Will and Grace is the most difficult TV series for me to find until now. I've searched in many places in Medan but they didn't have its second season DVD. I can't download them because "I'm in Indonesia". I need to think outside the box to find them, but I promise I will. [ Done! ]

7. Think of a new job, much better suited for me. A job that I really like to do. A job which defines who I am. A new job where I can meet new people, new friends, new life. Damn, this is a hard one. [ Like I've said, Failed! Man, this is tough... ]

8. If it's possible, this year, I want to buy a notebook, preferably the ACER Travelmate, the one I've locked my eyes on months before. I hope the price's decreasing a bit, so I will be able to have it. Hehe.. Wish me luck. [ Done! I bought ACER, but not travelmate. It's Aspire 4530. Better though! Hehe ]

9. The usual wishes : Find new friends, join new club, find your soul mate. [ Done! I've had new friends, I've joined a new club, but the soulmate is still at large. ]

10. Complain less, about Indonesia, PLN, suicide, loneliness and my usual pathetic life. I can't really promise, but I think I can manage to not complain much about Indonesia and PLN anymore, though. Last night, midnight, PLN had us blackout for several minutes. I was furious like usual... "perfect timing!" I said. But they seemed to have overcome the electric crisis I think. [ Actually, Done! Haha.. Done! I still complain... but that's very rare... hehehe ]

11. Save more and more money. Triple and Triple, no.. quadruple my account in the bank... We really need money in this life. [ Sadly, I failed this one. I think it's probably because I spent much on my laptop and my entertainment... ]

and

12. Just be Happy, Man. I deserve it. I know I do. [ Done! Hihi! ]

So, let's see....

12 tasks.

Failed 3, Succeeded 9!

Not bad. Hehehe... The Failed ones, I hope next year I can overcome them.

Happy New Year! GTG. :P

Christmas Gift-Exchange Party

2008-12-25T19:54:00.002+07:00

Hello, guys! Happy Christmas to all of you!

Each year, I have a different Christmas. A different way to celebrate. Sometimes it's fun and memorable and I would claim it as a great holiday.. but at other times, Christmas just sucks and lonely.

But this year's is not that. Today's Christmas experience was fallen in to the Good Category. I celebrated it by joining my friends in a gift-exchanging party. Each one must have bought one set of presents priced between Rp.80.000,- and Rp.100.000,-

I bought a simple present but a useful one, a 2GB flashdisk. And Lia was the one who got it. Hehehe.. I'm relieved she was the one on the other end. She needs one, so my gift is uselful for her.

I on the other hand, received a present from Yanti, a new friend who is both funny and nice. I got a turtle tissue-closet. Hahaha.. I don't really know how to call it. But it's great. So thank her.

Let me just post the pictures... it's been a while since my entry had a picture post of me. Hehe.. Btw, I've had a haircut.. so check it out! Hehe..

Lia got the gift from me ^^

Me and Lia, the kneeling was actually not intentional.. I knelt, she knelt.. or she knelt, I knelt.. I don't know.. somebody definitely knelt first :p

So here was the deal, each person had to pose with the present they received and with the person whom they received the present from. Hehe.. In this case above, Cia Cia got the bag Michael bought.

I got the turtle Yanti bought. :p

Steven got the headset (Ohh, I'm so jealous of his gift.. I really craved for that one :P) Lina bought. That's Reny, Lina's sister.. Lina couldn't be here.

Agustina got Novi's present.

Michael got Mei Siang's gift.

Vider got Yenni's gift.

Yanti got Sari's gift.

And Yenni got Cia Cia's self-labelled towel... :D

The day was fun. Laughter filled the air. And I was the tallest zombie in the room :p

OK. I'm not that tall. I tiptoed.

Above is a more spontaneous take. I like it :p

The Girls

In the end, it's all about the gathering. Friends, new or old ones.. I'm so glad I have them in my life. Life would be so lonely without them. Thank you all for being my friends.

Couldn't be here without you. Actually, after our party ended in Comic Garden, I still stayed there for posting this entry.. Hehe.. Yap. I'm still wearing the clothes I wore in these pictures.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Melody Bings Bangs Bongs

2008-12-24T16:59:00.003+07:00

Merry Christmas! Or I'd say so in the next 7 hours. It's Christmas again already. One year of 2008 seems to be vanishing in the speed of light. How fast time can go sometimes you just can't comprehend. Many things change. They change you, change your friends, and change your lives. Nobody can stay still in this current of life for long.

Michael asks me to attend a Christmas party of his church's. As an atheist myself, I don't usually go to any religious party like these, but lately I've changed many things about my way of living. I may not be a Christian, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy Christmas. I like Christmas. And this year, I'm buying my first Christmas present ever. My friends --- who I'd only discovered this year --- arranged a Secret Santa kinda thing, except it's different. I don't know who will receive the present and I also have no idea whose present I will get. It's the combination of excitement and confusion which convinced me to go along with this present-exchanging party (I refused to join initially).

Yesterday was a great day. I watched that Keanu Reeves movie "The Day The Earth Stood Still" with two persons I had just known. I'm different now, I can feel it. I like it! :D

Not too recently, I was introduced to a cute girl. I saw her picture and I just beamed. There's something inside me that tingled. Some weird sensation as if it's telling me that this girl would play a part in my life, and that she would be important. I decided to follow my inner instinct. We introduced ourselves via the internet. I talked to her several times, and after the third time we're chatting, I'd almost given up on her because she was so rude while she's speaking. She seemed to be so arrogant and childish and that resented me very much. I didn't see any hope, so I rested myself. I tried to ignore her.

But then she nudged me again. I replied her messages with no apparent excitement. Like a corpse talking. Yes. No. Uhuh. I was just so tired of her.

But as she continued talking, I couldn't help but notice that she's having a very bad time. And somehow I was the one person to whom she was talking at that moment. I thought that perhaps she was different from my first impression after all. How much could you tell via a messenger conversation?

So I gave her a chance, but I still annoyed her intentionally by reminding how rude and cruel she was to me. But our relationship started from there. At this point, I am still trying to get to know her.

Sometimes things just happen, don't they? Some are good, some are unexpected. And some might just blow your mind away.

Mumbles in the Busies

2008-12-14T12:29:00.006+07:00

Oh it's been a while, huh since I last updated this blog. I know.. besides the busy days I've been having, the last few days were the times when I had no inspiration at all. I didn't have anything solid to blog about, and that thought scared me. I've always had something to write in here, if not complaining about anything, I would always have something else to present. The idea of nothingness, a dry spell of creativity freaked me out. I tried to think of several reasons why this was happening to me. Turned out, it was because I was too busy with my work, and because of my last obsession regarding Joey season 2. I'm proud to say that I've successfully downloaded the whole 22 episodes. So now I'm in the process of authoring those movies into three DVD movies.

I'm so in to this DVD making job. I researched for several DVD Creator softwares to find the perfect tool. I set a high standard, so many softwares which didn't satisfied me were abandoned or uninstalled. I've tried using TMPGEnc DVD Author, which has several menu templates (not a lot, though) but didn't support movie files other than MPG. Basically it sucked. So I ventured for another one. I found ZC DVD Creator Platinum which showed alot of promises. This software supports all kinds of video files such as MPG, AVI, MOV, RM, DIVX, FLV, 3GP, WMV, MP4, and all other types. It even has more than 70 beautiful menu templates. The only thing that's bothering me was that it's incompatible with Vista, that means, this software is useless for me.

The search went on as I found Super DVD Creator and Ultra DVD Creator. Super DVD Creator is as excellent as ZC except for one terrible flaw, it can only provide one title menu, one page. So if you have 20 movies you want to put in to one DVD movie, you'd have to put all of them in one page only. Yaw, that totally sucked.

Ultra DVD Creator was the worst one I've found. It didn't even provide menu-editting. Yawn.

Finally, I came across a DVD studio Pack called Aimersoft. This was what I've been searching for. Compatible with Vista, it also has several beautiful templates which you can download more later, buttons and frames, and unlimited pages for me to tweak. It even provides transitions between videos. What a perfect software. So I'm busy using this program right now. That's why I didn't have anything to blog about, except this. Hahaha...

For what it's worth, I'm currently happy with my life. Though I am still girl-friend-less, but I'm optimistic about that... (thinking about her) ... yeah... yeah... hahahaha...

Can't be too busy, huh?

My best friend, Erick will be back to town in January. Can't wait for that. Sugi has bought himself a laptop, too. Everything will be perfect if my pocket is not empty right now. Huahahaha...

That's right. I'm flat broke right now, because my expense this month was terrible. But I am still optimistic, because in a few days, I will receive my paycheck. Hahaha... Can't wait for that.

Do you find it weird? The optimism in me? I don't know where it comes from, hahaha.. and I suppose it won't stay for too long either. See ya.

To be Known and To be Missed

2008-12-05T19:27:00.001+07:00

In the third season of Grey’s Anatomy, Addison said something about being disappeared and unnoticed. “If I were gone, nobody would notice it.” She said something like this. At the time, she was lonely, she didn’t know what to do with her life, and she didn’t have anyone to dream about.

But then Alex Karev said to her that he would notice. He would notice if she went missing.

In the eighth season of Friends, Ross said something to Joey, something that lingered in my mind. He asked him, “Have you ever been to a party and felt like nobody would miss you if you weren’t there?”

How nice it would be to know that there’s somebody out there who thinks about us? To miss us when we’re gone? To wish that we’re there? To let us know how they feel about us?

Yeah, it’ll feel great to have an Alex-Karev-like kind of friend. It’s always great to have someone, like the thing that’s happening to me. I’ve come to realized that, that someone out there notices me. That’s why I come along with their plan, even though I didn’t really agree on that. Because being alone is not somewhere I wanna be again, and it feels so good to know that I'm not.

The Unintended

2008-12-02T20:07:00.004+07:00

The unexpected is what colors our life. Don't you agree? I don't like living in boredom all the time. Sometimes, people touch you in the most unexpected way. What is it to be in love? I've never really experienced anything like that. I'm so green, and yet I am craving for more.

Three days ago, Anni called me, and surprised me first by the fact that she was in Medan, and the second was that her big sister Silvia was getting married. She invited me personally.

So the next day, Sunday the thirtieth, I came to Uniland by myself. It was a wet evening. I was meeting Catherine there as well as Anni. We're the only two from our highschool. I was somewhat honoured to be there.

The wedding was ceremoniously brilliant, since Silvia's newly husband is a Master of Ceremony himself, he would know lots of people in that entertainment area. I met Darta there as well, unexpectedly, he knew the groom, Wilianto.

It's a weird yet beautiful night. Weird, because it's been a while since I last saw Anni. And to see her there, I can say that she's still the same. Some things don't change. Thanks for that.

Allow me to give you a song.

You could be my unintended,
Choice to live my life extended,
You could be the one I'll always love.

You could be the one who listens,
To my deepest inquisitions,
You could be the one I'll always love.

I'll be there as soon as I can,
But I'm busy mending broken,
Pieces of the life I had before.

First there was the one who challenged,
All my dreams and all my balance,
She could never be as good as you.

You could be my unintended,
Choice to live my life extended,
You should be the one I'll always love.

I'll be there as soon as I can,
But I'm busy mending broken,
Pieces of the life I had before.

I'll be there as soon as I can,
But I'm busy mending broken,
Pieces of the life I had before.
Before you.